Maternity boxes are a nice gesture some communities, doulas, midwives, or medical facilities offer to new parents. Often partially sponsored by companies that sell infant supplies, they can include things like diapers, bottles, formula, clothes, or blankets.
So who could get upset about such kindness?
Well…
A woman who shared a social media post about her maternity box turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Several_Nifflers_968 asked:
“AITA for posting about my gift ‘maternity box’ on social media when my stepsister never got one for her son?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I recently had my first child.”
“When we were discharged, the hospital sent us home with a ‘baby box’. It was a cute little box that can double as a bed and came with a mattress, some baby clothes and other essentials.”
“This caught me off guard because I live in the US. I thought this was only a thing in Finland.”
“Turns out, the county I live in works with a charity that provides these boxes for all expecting moms. I was pretty stoked about this, so I made a post on Instagram showing it off.”
“My stepmom messaged me and told me I should take down the post a few days later. She said it was in bad taste because a lot of new moms don’t get this perk.”
“She pointed out that her daughter, my stepsister, has been very upset by this. My stepsister did reach out, but her response was something like, ‘Wow, I had my son, all the hospital sent me was some maxi pads and a bill.😡‘.”
“I didn’t take down the post because I wanted to highlight the work that charity was doing. Especially for women in my area who may not be aware of the baby boxes and could really need it.”
“My stepsister sent me a DM telling me to take the post down. She said it’s unfair she has to struggle with a special needs baby while the other moms can gloat about how being a new mom is awesome.”
“She said that she never got a free box or clothes or perfume like my cousin and everyone stopped caring when she had her son while me, my cousin and all our other relatives ‘get all the attention’.”
“Right now, I’m leaning towards keeping the post up. I don’t live in the same state as my stepfamily, but am aware of social programs designed to help parents with special needs kids.”
“That or my stepsister should get help or get counseling. But maybe that’s not the best move.”
“AITA?”
“I just need an outside opinion because the lack of sleep is affecting my judgment-making.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I made a post about a free maternity box with baby stuff I got when I had my daughter. My stepsister is upset that she never got one when she had her son.”
“She and her mom told me I had to take it down, but I don’t because I want to shine some attention on the awesome charity that put it together and spread the word around.”
“In addition, she lives in a completely different part of the country, so there’s nothing I can do to really help her. I haven’t seen her face to face in five years.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. So somehow it’s your fault the hospital and birthing center you have birth it has a relationship with a charitable organization that provides baby boxes for new mothers?”
“And, by posting about this gift and letting people know about this organization, their good works, and how much you appreciated the baby box, you are somehow rubbing it in your stepsister’s face?”
“Send your stepsister a wheelbarrow; it will help her carry around the chip on her shoulder. She’s ridiculous, and so is her mother.” ~ Peony-Pony
“I just don’t understand the mental gymnastics you have to do to take this box thing personally and make yourself a victim of not having one. NTA.”
“She went to a different hospital, for heaven’s sake. It has NOTHING to do with stepsister.” ~ Morganmayhem45
“NTA and leave the post up. If your kid walks sooner than hers, are you allowed to share the information?”
“If your kid turns out to be really good at math, but hers isn’t, does that mean you can’t celebrate them? Each child deserves to be treated as their own person and celebrated. Each parent as well.”
“Look. I understand jealousy. I dealt with infertility and was fortunate that IVF worked for us. But, that was a HARD path.”
“The year I finally got pregnant, so did two other women and one man’s wife. In an office of 9 people?
“I got to hear every day about people’s gender reveals, about how the man and his wife got pregnant the first month they tried (teehee!), finding the perfect nursery furniture, etc… but I ended up high risk, on five weeks of bed rest and bled for 20 weeks throughout my pregnancy.”
“I didn’t dare do any of the things—I didn’t trust that I was going to make it in the end. (He’s eight now!). Was I jealous? Yes.”
“Did I want their experiences? Yes. Of course. I wanted the carefree excitement. But, what I didn’t do was rain on their parade or demand they not talk around me.”
“You deserve to experience and enjoy each thing that happens to you. Just as she does, and yes, it can be hard at times.”
“It sounds like her child may have special needs, and that is a hard path. But that doesn’t discount your hard or good moments.” ~ Bibbityboo
“I agree, NTA. The month I found out we might not be able to have children, 3 of my friends announced pregnancies. That stings.”
“But also, I had a friend who won a free trip, a friend who got married ahead of me. Most of my friends had their education paid for. You don’t get to have everything everyone else does.” ~ the_saradoodle
“NTA. I get annoyed at adults who treat life like a zero-sum game. Your experience is no reflection on step sister’s experience, you haven’t done anything to her or deprived her of anything by receiving some local charity.”
“She’ll be a lot happier in life if she stops comparing herself to everyone else and looking for ways to be dissatisfied.” ~ Firm-Molasses-4913
“NTA, and it’s about time these two adults embrace life is not equal and yet, we can still be happy for someone who was supported. Why would they force a loved one to dim their gratitude/happiness because they believe they were treated less than?”
“This dynamic is as old as time between siblings, stepsiblings, cousins, neighbors…etc… CONGRATS on your bundle of new life! Don’t let others dim your glow or the promotion of a very helpful at-home gift.” ~ DesertSong-LaLa
“NTA. Tell your dumba** stepsister to vote better or start an organization of her own. It’s not hard to convince people to donate money and necessities to this sort of thing.”
“That said, for the sake of your stepsister’s kid, she needs to contact her local county’s department of human services ASAP if she wants to get services and help with her baby.”
“Depending on the state, she can get benefits like respite care, additional therapies, subsidized healthcare, and parent pay (she’d be paid to take care of her own kid, not a lot, but some to help).” ~ Final_Wait635
“My OB/GYN gives all her patients a cute, very high-end stuffed animal for the new baby. At my first appointment after giving birth, she had my husband sit with the baby and had me go into her office where she let me pick one of the stuffed animals.”
“I picked a cow!!! I started crying because it was so thoughtful.”
“None of my relatives or even my other kids got one after they were born. It was something this one doctor chose to do for her patients and she was in a position financially to do so.”
“In a perfect world, every new baby and mom would go home with a truck full of goodies. And every baby would be born perfectly and healthy, and every pregnancy would be flawless and make us poop diamonds.”
“Sadly, the world isn’t perfect, and not every clinic/hospital/doctor can afford to have these boxes.”
“What OP’s complaining family could do is set up collection events to put together baby boxes/mommy boxes for the community. To quote the movie ROBOTS, ‘see a need, fill a need’… Every little bit would help.” ~ pizzasauce85
“I had 3 under 3. Same hospital all three times. All three got hats and I got some health supplies with all of them. With the first two, I got free massage certificates. And only with the first, they had a deal with a photographer for newborn photos.”
“My point is, these services aren’t offered everywhere or for an unlimited amount of time. OP’s intentions are good for highlighting the charity’s work. Maybe it will get them additional funding so they can keep doing it.
“Taking it down to appease one person’s envy is not equal to the good it could do to keep it up. NTA.” ~ Witty_Soft
Misery loves company is a saying for a reason.
But just because OP’s stepsister is unhappy, that’s no reason to mask her joy or blessings.