Trying to talk to a parent about their kid's behavior can be a daunting task.
A lot of parents react poorly.
It's understandable for a parent to be put off by the remarks of others.
But sometimes... they have to be said.
Redditor u/SereiaDoSofa wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
"AITA for asking my neighbor to reduce the trampoline time of his special-needs child?"
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
"I live in an apartment with a terrace that borders my neighbor’s backyard."
"His child appears to have autism or another developmental condition (I don’t know his actual diagnosis)."
"Almost every evening, from around 8 PM until 11 PM, he jumps on a trampoline and screams quite loudly."
"All our bedrooms face their backyard, so we hear it clearly inside our apartment."
"I have a baby, and although our PVC windows block most of the noise when closed, it’s still warm, and I don’t want to keep the windows shut every evening."
"There are also two apartment buildings facing their backyard, with 10+ other apartments, and as far as I know, nobody else has complained."
"I don’t want them to stop using the trampoline."
"I was thinking of politely messaging the father and asking if they could reduce either the amount of time he uses it or the frequency, rather than having it happen almost every evening for several hours."
The OP was left to wonder:
"Would I be the a**hole for sending that message?"
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A-hole.
"NTA. Three hours of loud screaming every evening is a noise issue regardless of why the child is doing it."
"You’re not asking them to stop using the trampoline, just asking whether they can reduce the duration or frequency."
"That’s a pretty reasonable neighbourly request." ~ Mohitosan_
"I don’t think either time or frequency should be a factor here."
"If their special needs child wants to jump for three hours a day, I don’t see the issue."
"Where there is an issue is the timing of it happening."
"It’s not reasonable for neighbors to need to deal with that noise daily up to 11 pm." ~ ImNinjaBob
"NTA - Anything past 9 pm is outrageous for a child to be outside making a ton of noise."
"Why can't he go out earlier?" ~ Lunar-Eclipse0204
"Guessing here, but assuming the parents aren't neglectful, this might be how they can get the kid to actually sleep at night."
"It might be a solution born out of sheer sleepless desperation."
"That being said, everyone else also needs to sleep too."
"Possible compromise: set the kid up with an indoor rebounder or smaller trampoline with additional soundproofing on the walls."
"Some kids are also able to learn how to self-regulate in other ways that reduce noise."
"There could maybe be some benefits to seeking some form of therapy."
"From OP's side of things, there are some things that may mask the noise, such as noise machines/media playing."
"Maybe there are soundproofing options for inside the house."
"If the trampoline is squeaky or unbalanced, it may be louder than necessary."
"Offer to assist with WD-40?"
"It sounds like a very touchy subject, but it's hopefully something that all parties can work through to find an achievable goal based on mutual empathy and neighbourly respect".
"Good luck!"
"OP is NTA for just wanting peace and quiet at bedtime and the ability to open windows." ~ Bertie_McGee
"NTA. That's way too late to be making that much noise."
"Especially when other people are needing to sleep."
Guarantee the parent is sending the kid outside to get themselves some peace."
"Sorry, but they need to quit making this everyone else's problem." ~ Mira_DFalco
"NTA. Swinging and jumping on a trampoline are 2 completely different types of sensory input and aren't always interchangeable."
"Also, different amounts of energy are being used to engage."
"Jumping on a trampoline for 3 hours is probably making that kid physically exhausted to the point that he can sleep."
"Lots of people with ASD need to follow routines and schedules."
"It is perfectly reasonable for OP to ask the parents to have the kid stop at whatever quiet hours are on the neighbor's lease."
"They need to start their bedtime routine earlier or make it shorter."
"Both OP and the neighbor are in tough places where they want the best thing for their own kids, but it imposes on each other."
"Hopefully, OP, you can talk to the parent, explain your perspective, and they will try to accommodate you beyond what is required in the lease." ~ cee-la
"An indoor swing is not a trampoline."
"That’s a big difference as far as stimulating the vestibular system goes."
"But I definitely agree that OP has a right to politely broach the subject of the timing of the trampoline sessions."
"Or the volume."
"NTA. OP, you are being extremely kind and patient with your neighbor."
"My young adult son has autism and an intellectual disability."
"He’s been having sleep difficulties for the last year."
"Going to bed around 4 pm and getting up between 2 am and 3 am."
"It’s really difficult. We’re working on it."
"Sleep has always been a much trickier thing with him compared to his neurotypical brother." ~ Eudaimonic71
"Start by checking your local noise ordinances."
"Some cities/towns specify certain 'quiet hours,' while others (like mine) are wide-open in prohibiting any noise that annoys/disturbs a reasonable person at any time."
"If your area's noise ordinance applies to this situation/time, you need to share that information with your neighbor."
"Then, record the noise from inside your home."
"Take recordings over several days."
"Once you have that lined up, go talk to your neighbor."
"Don't say a single word about what you suspect might be the kid's medical challenges; that would be likely to make their parents defensive."
"Focus ONLY on the noise and the timing."
"If they push back, you can talk about the noise ordinance (if it applies) and share your recordings."
"Again, don't mention anything about the kid, and don't let them offer anything like that as an excuse; stick to the noise and the timing."
"NTA for asking politely." ~ wesmorgan1
"NTA - There are indoor jumpers (a mini tramp with handles) meant exactly for this purpose (I used to do admin support at a behavioral therapy agency), as well as other indoor tools for kids who are high-sensory seeking."
"I'm sure the parents also want a break from the chaos, but they need to accept that this is their reality and not torture their neighbors with 3 HOURS of evening screaming." ~ Kelly_Bellyish
"Don't send a message; go and have a conversation with him."
"Explain about the noise."
"Tone of voice helps if you keep it calm and polite."
"I'm sure there must be a workaround."
"Could just say the noise wakes your baby up every time."
"You are both parents, so hopefully some compromise could come from having a face-to-face conversation."
"It's easy to send a message, but the sentiment and intention of that message could seriously go the wrong way." ~ LockPast6301
"Oof. NTA."
"Trampolines are very popular with autistic kids (including mine) - something about vestibular input, plus it doubles as stimming."
"Three hours of daily nighttime screaming as part of it, however, is just unreasonable."
"I'm sure the parent is painfully aware of that, but they're probably desperate and/or worn down."
"There's no perfect solution for something like this (especially in an apartment, and triply so if they have downstairs neighbors), but indoor mini trampolines, and trampoline alternatives like bounce boards, are available."
"Whether that will do anything to fix the screaming, though..." ~ RishaBree
"NTA. Three hours of screaming is rough."
"The parents should be working on that with him."
"Using the trampoline is great; the screaming is not." ~ CharieRarie
"NTA, but I'd honestly, directly, call the H[ome] O[wners] A[ssociation] or cops about this one."
"Just about every community has noise ordinances that include quiet hours."
"It's going to blow back on you if the neighbor knows who complained, so just make it anonymous and let the people who are paid to deal with this kind of stuff manage it." ~ HomelyHobbit
OP came back to chat...
"Where we live, our neighbor's noise can still be considered a problem between 7 AM and 11 PM."
"The police can ask them to stop within a set timeframe, but I don’t want to call the police straight away, so I’d rather message the father first."
"I know it’s a trampoline because I can see it from my terrace."
"The trampoline itself seems well-oiled; the issue is the screaming."
"I’m also not randomly assuming the child has special needs."
"A while ago, he threw some things onto my terrace, so I knocked on their door to return them."
"His father apologized for his son’s behavior, and from the way he spoke about it, I understood that his son has special needs."
"I think they are good parents and are just trying to help their child."
"He’s in elementary school and may need routines to sleep, but he didn’t use the trampoline at all last winter, so it seems to be a summer thing."
"My 15-month-old also needs his sleep routine, so I’m just hoping we can find a compromise that works for everyone."
"Some people suggested speaking to the building manager, but their house isn’t part of our building, and I’m actually the building manager anyway, so that wouldn’t really help."
This is a tough spot, OP.
You're not trying to be malicious.
There has to be a compromise.
You can't sacrifice your own child's needs.
Hopefully, this dad will understand.
Good Luck.
