Choosing a child's name is one of the first highly important decisions that a parent will make in their baby's life, because it will impact them in little and small ways throughout the rest of their life.
Choosing a name that's hard to pronounce or spell, let alone can be easily associated with being a stripper, may not be the way to go, cringed the members of the "Am I the A**hole?" (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Impossible-Staff92 did not have many positive things to say about their sister, including how she had cared for her daughter so far in her two years of life.
When she had to go to jail for nearly a decade, the Original Poster (OP) made quick work of adopting their niece and setting her up for success with a more promising name.
They asked the sub:
"Am I the a**hole for changing my niece's stripper name when I got custody of her?"
The OP did not have a good relationship with their sister.
"I think it will become obvious that my sister and I have taken very different paths in life. I love her very much, but she is not well."
"I have had custody of my niece since she was six months old."
"My sister is going to jail for at least the next seven years. She is ineligible for parole for that long. So that's a minimum."
The OP was quick to care for their niece when their sister had to go to jail.
"My niece's name is a perfect example of my sister's thought process. Honest to God, she named her Synnamin, pronounced cinnamon."
"I have had my sister's parental rights severed. She and my parents fought me on it. I don't care. My parents have never contributed to her upbringing, but they have given lots of unwanted advice."
The OP felt confident about the choices they were making for their adoptive daughter.
"I adopted my daughter and changed her name to Simone."
"My parents think I'm being cruel to my sister. What my sister thinks is not allowed here, including calling me a lot of horrible names."
"So I feel completely justified in changing her name. I do not think I'm wrong."
"I am not looking for validation. I want to know if I'm missing something that my parents and sister can't communicate coherently."
"AITAH?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You're the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that Simone would thank them later.
"NTA. Your child's gonna thank you later." - ApartmentSpecial2025
"Cinnamon to Simone is such a respectful upgrade."
"It's not like OP renamed her to OP-Junior or something, eh?" - Stormtomcat
"As someone who changed their name because their birth name was a stripper name… you did well for this kid, OP." - eleg0ry
"I grew up with a long, unusual, MISSPELLED name my mom thought was pretty. I have had ONE person guess the correct pronunciation, my whole life."
"It sucked. Parents who use their babies as personal branding suck."
"Naming a child something difficult to pronounce is one thing, but impossible to pronounce AND tacky as f**k once you do is another altogether."
"You did good, OP." - Sugar_Kowalczyk
"My name is a far less common variation on a very common name. (There were three with the common version in my graduating class. I work with two alternate spellings of the common name!)"
"It was picked because it sounds good with my maiden last name. But besides English teachers, only a couple of people have pronounced it correctly the first time. (The biggest problem is saying one vowel long instead of short.)"
"I don't even want to think what that poor little girl would have gone through! NTA." - StormBeyondTime
"NTA. I think you've made a really nice transition of her name that sounds great, is much easier to read and pronounce, and isn't that different from the original name."
"The courts do not terminate parental rights on a whim. You have stepped up and kept your niece in the family and are now her mom!"
"I wanted to update this to add that the courts also don't typically sentence someone to a minimum of seven years in prison before the idea of parole even begins to be thrown around on a whim."
"My dad had drug charges and a felony assault charge for beating up a minor, and only got a total of like two and a half years and was out on parole in a little over half a year."
"I don't want to belittle anyone's mental health or potential addiction struggles because that s**t runs rampant in my family. I also don't know the full story about whether there might also be some sort of systemic oppression/bias that maybe amplified legal actions taken against OP's sister."
"But the quick loss of custody, total severance of parental rights, and amount of time in prison before parole is even the smallest whiff of a possibility is really adding up to OP's sister being an incredibly shitty person who should not be permitted to raise children."
"My excellent grandma wasn't able to get us away from my trashbag dad and addict mom until I was technically already legally an adult and my brother was a teenager."
"OP, you have given your now daughter an immense gift. She has safety, stability, sanity, and love in her life with you. Every time your daughter's birth giver and absent grandparents try to give you s**t or guilt you, just remind yourself of all of the awful things and toxic bulls**t she won't have to go through because she's got you in her corner and be proud of that you gave her that gift." - anony-gurl
Others agreed and urged the OP and Simone not to live anywhere near the OP's parents.
"I hope OP doesn't live anywhere near her awful parents. You just know they're going to take every opportunity to call that poor kid 'Synnamin.' OP needs to keep Simone far away from the toxic grandparents." - NotACalligrapher-49
"Cinnamon is bad enough, but that atrocious spelling is what gets me."
"You need to protect your child as best you can. And giving her a proper name is a good start."
"Simone is a lovely name. As others have said, I hope you live far away from your parents and sister…" - BeautifulChaosEnergy
"NTA, there's a reason you were granted custody. The court saw you are trustworthy and think of what is best for the child, regardless of the pressure and emotional manipulation you face from others." - gojira86
"NTA."
"What you're missing is that your parents want to stay in your sister's good books so they can have everyone come together when she gets out of the big house. That likely includes you giving her the child back, despite this being a very bad thing for the child. But that's how they'll get 'peace,' as they see it, so they're going to needle you for infinity until you make that happen."
"Including wanting the name changed back so your dumba** sister won't flip out about that."
"Because (and this is a guess), I bet they've spent most of your sister's life 'handling' her to keep her happy and not make her kick off? Would I be right? While you've been left to get on because your emotional regulation actually works."
"Either this, or they just plain don't like you at all." - Brainchild110
"I've seen a lot of adopted kids have their names changed. I won't say it's the norm, as I don't know ratios, but it isn't uncommon at all. Of course, that's without family involved. Most likely, I haven't seen that happen when it's a family member adoption. For the obvious reasons, you are experiencing."
"Aside from it being fairly common, you would also be in the right based on the name alone. I see so godd**n many f**ked up kids' names these days, and 'Synnamin' is definitely one of them. Completely justified in changing that."
"'Cinnamon' would suck on its own, but adding in that spelling means that not only would the poor girl be called cinnamon, but she would constantly have to announce it as adults in her life try to sound out 'Synnamin' and figure out what it is supposed to be."
"I make it a point to put in extra effort to get kids' names right the first time when I see a f**ked up spelling, and you wouldn't believe the relief you see on their face when they anticipate having to explain it and don't have to. And that's just for relatively common names with strange spellings."
"Plus, Simone is close enough not feel like a total slap in the face to the mother. You didn't go from Synnamin to Michelle; you kept a thread to her birth name even if it didn't deserve recognition." - integral_red
"NTA. You just love that little girl as she deserves. Protecting her from bullying is important, and the name change is a valid part of that." - Dull_Weakness1658
"NTA. Thank you. Thank you for giving your daughter a stable and loving life with someone who thinks about the future. She's lucky to have you." - Doggerdart
Though they were sure that the pressure was tremendous from the family, the subReddit was grateful that the OP was doing what it took to care for their adoptive daughter and to set her up for success in the future.
Woman Asks If It's Wrong To Hold Grudge After Mom Told Her When She 8 Years Old That She Wished She'd Aborted Her
While some people view having and raising children as the greatest blessing, some parents hold their children's existence against them for their entire lives.
And when they feel that way about their children, they're unfortunately typically pretty honest about it, cringed the members of the "Am I Overreacting?" (AIO) subReddit.
Redditor heavelymango knew from the time she was young that her mother did not really like her and significantly favored her sister.
But when her mother told her at the age of eight that she wished she had aborted her, the Original Poster (OP) held on to that grudge for years after the fact.
She asked the sub:
The OP had a grudge against her mother.
"I (22 Female) have been holding onto a grudge due to something my mom told me when I was roughly eight or nine years old."
"Growing up, I was a rebellious kid and always felt as if my mom favored my older sister. My sister would always get whatever she wanted."
"I know she was born with Down syndrome and always needed more attention and care, but if my sister wanted my tablet, for example, she would have it for the whole day while mine was limited to 30 minutes so she could have it."
"As a kid, I lashed out more because of this. She could take all of my things, but I could never use hers."
During a heated moment, the OP's mother said something unforgivable.
"Eventually, this led to an argument with my mom. I don't recall the whole thing, but it was related to my sister and how I felt my mom didn't care about me or give me the same amount of attention."
"The fight got heated, and I probably told my mom that I hated my sister and her."
"I remember she said back, 'I never wanted you from the start. I knew I should've aborted you when I had the chance.'"
" I didn't know what aborted meant at the time, and I remember I looked it up, and it made me cry. I never forgot it, and it lingers in my mind whenever I am home."
The OP's mother pressured her to "let it go" and move on.
"Even growing up, I still brought it up, and she would get mad, saying I need to let it go and how I'm stubborn for not just forgetting what she said."
"There was even a time in high school when she took me to a therapist, and she complained about how I never dropped what she said."
"She says I need to move on from it because it has affected my relationship with her, and she wants to fix it."
"I know I'm older now and it was so long ago, but it still hurts, and I feel like it's made me not want to have her in my life in the future, and I have told this to her."
"How I don't want her in my life once I move out, get married, or have my own kids."
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
Some reassured the OP that this sounded like a core memory more than a grudge.
"The axe forgets. The tree remembers."
"It sounds less like you're holding a grudge and more that this is a formative, core memory for you."
"It won't stop being a core memory (unless maybe with the help of a lot of therapy). Has your mom ever apologized for saying that? Because you don't have to forget to forgive, but if she's not remorseful for saying that terrible thing to her young child (not just remorseful that you remember it), then she probably needs therapy (or is a narcissist/sociopath/similar)."
"You are certainly not obligated to 'get over it.'" - Hot-Can3615
"This is not a 'grudge'; it is pain that is still felt to such a degree. If she said it, then she was thinking it. She'll probably never apologize, but that doesn't mean your pain is or was invalid." - Fast_Register_9480
"NOR. This kind of thing needs a real apology. Like she needs to acknowledge the damage and genuinely care about it. Brushing it off won’t make it go away." - TentacleWolverine
"NOR. Did she really want to fix things? She basically just told you to get over it from the start instead of giving you a sincere apology."
"That isn't working on anything. She wants you to get over it so she can pretend that she never said it, so she doesn't have to feel bad about what she did. It doesn't sound like she cares much about how you feel."
"She just doesn't want to deal with it. For that reason, I would still have issues with what she said." - Chemical-Ad6809
"If your relationship with your mother is being affected by the actions of your mother, your mother is responsible for fixing it."
"You should know you probably aren't ever going to get closure, but you don't have to swallow it down. It helps to be the person you needed when you were younger out loud to yourself, but especially to others."
"For example: My name is Liz, and my mom told me to go ahead and do it already and save us all the heartache when I finally had the courage to tell her about how much I've been struggling with self-harm and suicidal ideation. I'm never going to forgive her for that, and we have never been close as a result of her actions."
"You aren't holding onto a grudge; you have a core memory of your mother distilling her feelings into a world-shattering sentence."
"You did not have a secure attachment before and can't have one now because of the deep trauma. You do not apologize for being stabbed."
"Find another therapist. I mean it. Someone who cares about your well-being wouldn't force you to apologize for being verbally abused as a child. I'm 29 now, and I lived through it. I still struggle with suicidal ideation daily, but once I stopped relying on my mom and unstable sources for support, my life got better immediately."
"You want things for comfort and familiarity. Don't let your mom or your therapist gaslight you into crossing a boundary."
"It might help to ask for a written five-part apology from your mom. 1. Acknowledge what you did 2. Say why it was wrong 3. Promise not to do it again 4. Ask how to make amends. 5. Share your feelings at this time if there's anything you'd like to say."
"My mom can be a good person and a bad mom and role model. Being in your own company is so much better than poor company." - PotLuckyPodcast
Others hoped the OP would go no contact with her mother sooner rather than later.
"NOR. It’s emotional abuse. And you do not owe her closeness after that, especially as she refuses to be accountable for that and try to make it up to you."
"She knows you have her number, and she can’t forgive you for knowing what a colloidal b***h she is."
"It’s unlikely that will change; it will at least be turned back on you with her the victim."
"Stop expecting her to apologize. If she doesn’t pay your bills, ghost her." - SnooCheesecakes2723
"My mom said something similar. My brother and I were adopted, and when I was a teen, in front of a church lady, she said, 'We didn't even really want you, but the people didn't want to split y'all up, so we just took you, too.'"
"Me and the church lady were shook. When I say my falbbers were ghasted. Like huh? She didn't remember saying that when I brought it up years after the fact."
"I also got grounded two times for two separate nine weeks (for C's on my report card) and a three and a half to four months (for smoking at 16 and getting caught because she liked to just pop up out of nowhere), and we just had a talk about that, and she didn't even remember."
"She said, 'No, I didn't. I never grounded you for that long,' and when I gave my rebuttal, she said, 'Well, if I did, it definitely wasn't for no nine weeks or months,' and this started because she was praising me for reading so much and liking books. I said, 'Well, when you were grounded like me, that's all I could do (no TV, no friends outside of school, no music, nothing but my room and books)."
"There's a reason I only call or answer her calls once or twice every few weeks. And I only call to get food, really..." - ManicalMoe
"‘Fine, I'm sorry’ is not an apology."
"Whilst I’m sure it was said in anger, most things said in anger have a grain of truth. There are also some things that no half-decent parent ever says to their children, no matter how angry they are, and this is one of them! It also sounds like she has made repeated similar comments of not wanting you as her child."
"I understand her eldest had a disability, but this is no excuse for neglecting and emotionally abusing her younger child. Lots of families deal with a child with additional needs whilst still managing to prioritise their other kids. Children with Down syndrome are capable of understanding ‘that’s your sister's, not yours; give it back’ !! It sounds like your mum has mental health issues?"
"Do you have a present father or other family you can turn to?"
"Protect your peace. Your mum has hurt you time and time again, honestly, for no real gain other than momentarily satisfying her anger. You owe this woman nothing." - Background_Term9810
"I went through something similar. When I was a little girl, my mother used to make comments that implied she didn't want me, though it was never that explicit. 'I only had you because your brother wanted a sister,' and 'My figure never recovered after you; after your brother, it did.'"
"Each comment stayed with me, but I never addressed it with her. I tried to move on and leave it in the past. She did a lot of horrible things throughout my life, but her behavior was always ignored because that's the precedent my dad set, where she can do essentially whatever she wants."
"A few months ago, she came to see me because I was desperate for help and sick. Instead of helping, she made my life so much worse. I won't go into details. At one point, I could no longer keep it inside, and I told her that she is a narcissist, to which she responded with, 'It would have been better if I had never had you.'"
"In some ways, it felt really good to hear her come out and say it. It felt good to hear the truth I've always known."
"I don't know what you should do, but I've chosen to not forgive."
"Every time I forgave, I just let her know that she can get away with whatever horrible things she had done. Her apologies were never real apologies. She always found ways to blame me or others for whatever she had done."
"And I'm truly just done with it. As sad as it is to not have a mom, it's sadder to pretend that you have one when in reality you don't... quite the opposite, if anything." - Neos_Mom
"So, OP, what will hurt more: keeping her and the grudge in your life or making a break and going low or no contact with her?"
"Frankly, we've no idea of what she might have been dealing with at the time, but regardless, what she said was said only to cause pain and suffering. 'Sorry' doesn't magic that intent away."
"Me, I think spending time alone or with friends or in therapy away from her might be what you need here. You might come to some sort of acceptance, but if this is something that's just going to keep coming between you, then stop trying to have that relationship." - Tal_Tos_72
After the OP received feedback, she shared a few clarifications from her original post.
"I wanted to clear some things up, take accountability where it's due, and provide some much-needed context from many people commenting the same questions."
"I want to be completely honest. We had many arguments, and I was a rebellious kid. I acted out and argued with my mom."
"I don't want to give off the impression that I was an entirely innocent kid who never did anything wrong and my mom just snapped out of nowhere. We both said hateful and hurtful things to each other during our fights."
"Growing up, the only way she would accept an apology was if I got on my knees and begged her for forgiveness. If I ever asked her to apologize to me, she would say, 'I have nothing to apologize for; you should be the one begging for my forgiveness.'"
The OP had a lot of physical memories, too.
"Things also would turn into physical arguments, not just verbal ones."
"There were times when she would get so angry she would get physical. Like yanking me by my hair, twisting my arms, or throwing things at me (like remotes, a bug spray can, or a radio)."
"When she yanked my hair, I would fight back just to get her to let me go, and she would scream that I was trying to kill her and she would get me arrested. When she twisted my arm, and I begged her to stop because it felt like it was going to break, she would say she hoped it did."
"When she threw objects at me, she would say she wished they would hit my face."
"I remember in middle school, during an argument, she said she wished she could break my face and that she hated it because I look like my dad. I won’t lie, whenever she said things like that, I would say nasty comments about how she chose to have him put us in her."
While the OP wasn't financially ready to move out yet, she hoped to as soon as possible.
"Why haven't I moved out yet? The main reason I haven't been able to move out is financial."
"I wasn't making enough to support myself without worrying about whether I’d end up having to crawl back home."
"Thankfully, I have recently found a better-paying job. My plan is to move out between mid-to-late October, or early November at the latest."
"The only reason I can't leave this exact second is because I have a few legal/administrative things to get cleared up so I’m completely untied from my mom, which will take a few weeks."
The OP also had proof that her mother liked her sister better.
"Has my mom ever admitted to favoring my sister? Yes."
"In arguments, she has explicitly told me that she doesn't see me as her legitimate daughter, and that she adored my sister more and forever will. She has also called me a 'monster,' told me there is a certain type of evil inside of me, and said she was afraid I would be just like my dad and try to harm them."
"She would even tell me that she was telling family and friends these things about me, but then later claim she 'just said it in the moment' and wouldn't be crazy enough to actually tell people that."
"Because I was so confused growing up and didn't know if she was lying or telling the truth, I started avoiding our family when they came over."
"Naturally, that just made things worse because she would get mad at me for avoiding them (even now as an adult), completely ignoring the fact that she was the one who lied about what she told them."
Unfortunately, the OP didn't have support from her father.
"What about my dad? My dad is not in my life."
"He was around sporadically, but never as a stable parent. My parents separated before I was born and divorced when I was two or three."
"Growing up, it was just constant back-and-forth toxicity, with him telling me how toxic my mother was, and her telling me the same about him."
"He would mostly only come over to see my sister, and often used me to care for her if he wanted to take her out to eat. Ultimately, my dad didn't care about anyone else other than my sister (and his drugs)."
"I hope this can clear some questions on the original post. I know I didn't provide many details as I originally should have. I honestly didn't want to post something too long, and I honestly did not expect it to be noticed."
"Thank you all for taking time to talk to me and share your thoughts."
The subReddit fully sided with the OP, pointing out that no matter how heated the moment was, it would never excuse the terrible things the OP's mother had said to her.
If the OP's mother really wanted a relationship with her, she'd drop the defensiveness and demands, offer a genuine apology, and work hard to be better for both of her children.
That takes a very rare kind of person to pull off, and it didn't sound like the OP's mother had that in her.
If you or someone you know is struggling, you can contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
To find help outside the United States, the International Association for Suicide Prevention has resources available at https://findahelpline.com/i/iasp