Being sensitive to a partner’s feelings is key in a relationship.
It helps to know you’re on the same page about insecurities and private issues.
If couples are not aligned here, chaos can ensue.
Case in point…
Redditor Ilbcondone2019 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA For laughing my a** off at my wife’s expense?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Just for context, I am 6’2 and my wife is 4’11.”
“She is insecure about her height and while I try my best to tell her that she is stupendously beautiful the way she is, she got bullied about it pretty bad and it’s just an aspect she doesn’t like about herself.”
“With this in mind, we recently went to one of my favorite places to eat.”
“Now, this restaurant has a really large counter and my wife is petite, so the cashier couldn’t really see her.”
“We ordered our food, and were heading out when the cashier held out a giant piece of candy and said ‘for your lovely daughter’ to me.”
“I honestly couldn’t help but burst out laughing to the point that I had tears in my eyes and I had to compose myself before driving back home.”
“My wife was obviously pretty pissed. AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. Dude, come on!”
“You know this is a point of pain and insecurity for your wife.”
‘Like she’s told you that she’s been bullied for this and you laugh at this to the point where there were tears?”
“And you haven’t apologized for this?”
“She’s your wife man. So Yeah.”
“You’re the A-Hole here bud.” ~ rosalux97
“YTA. If a little chuckle came out and you couldn’t stop it, fine.”
“But if that was the case you should have corrected the person immediately to drastically lower the trauma induced.”
“That said, I have laughed at things that my wife is insecure about, so I’m an a**hole sometimes too.” ~ therankin
“I agree it was funny, however this was not the time to laugh.”
“If this is something his wife has a really hard time with and he knows she was bullied for… his reaction is terrible.”
“They were at a bar- this waitress HAD to know she was NOT his daughter.”
“So regardless this could have been a jab at her, and it could have taken a simple ‘this is my wife’ to give his wife a tiny bit of confidence moving forward-then he could laugh about it with his buddies later.”
“Definitely the a YTA.” ~ njx6
“I agree that OP’s TA.”
“He handled the whole situation very poorly.”
“However, I just wanted to point out that they were not at a bar.”
“They were at the checkout counter to pay for their meal in a restaurant.”
“So I seriously doubt the cashier made that comment to make fun of her.”
“The cashier was probably just being friendly and really believed she was OP’s daughter.” ~ CarefulWhatUWishFor
“How is it funny?”
“Because she is short?”
“I guess being short is automatically funny, because it is different from normal.”
“It’s funny to be different.”
“Its extra funny when someone points out that you are different, and they don’t even know they are doing it, because that is how different you are.”
“Ha ha, let’s all laugh at the person who is weird and different and not normal!”
“Maybe it’s funny because she was humiliated.”
“It is funny when others are hurt.”
“Extra funny when they are hurt in public in front of other people, because then they also feel shame.”
“Oh, how funny it is when someone is humiliated and feels ashamed.”
“Because they are different!”
“Wow so funny, so super extra funny!”
“Better laugh or someone might think you’re different too – gotta make sure everyone knows you’re normal and that other person is different!”
“No one would ever call you short, because you are super duper normal.”
“Ha ha! Its so cool to not be short!”
“I mean, seriously, what is wrong with you that you think this is funny. Are you 8?” ~ Starbeets
“This makes me so angry.”
“I have had small accidents where people assume I am younger happen, but sometimes they escalate into full blown mocking.”
“My husband is 6 feet tall and I am a little shorter than 5 feet.”
“I had an airport security guard stop me to look at my passport and tease me when he looked at my age and realized I wasn’t young.”
“He started saying ‘What do you want to be when you grow up? Taller? Does your boyfriend like dating the ones that go up to his hip?'”
“Pretty sure he was implying something there but he had my passport so not a lot I could do.”
“If my husband had laughed or supported that, I would have been miserable.”
“Instead, he called the dude out and told him to quit.”
“Even thinking back on it makes me cringe.” ~ why_cambrio
“I’m 4’11” and babyfaced, and I experienced crap like this up until my early 30s, when I had kids and got a lot more tired.”
“I was bullied and teased for years, including by my own family.”
“Being bullied about a characteristic you absolutely cannot change leaves a mark.”
“And while I’m more okay with my body now than I was in my teens and 20s, I would definitely not be okay with…”
“A) the waiter assuming I was a child (which actually has happened to me, though not recently) and…”
“B) my husband laughing himself to tears instead of exercising self-control, correcting the waiter, and heading out.”
“Like, a surprised chuckle would be one thing and I’m finally at a point where I’d just stare at the waiter and be like ‘Dude, I’m (real age here), respect your elders.'”
“But your wife doesn’t seem to be at that point yet.”
“And losing complete control and laughing so hard you can’t even drive, especially when you know her height is something she’s sensitive about?
“Unless she’s laughing too, which I’m assuming she was not, that’s pretty uncool. YTA.” ~ justadorkygirl
“YTA. I can understand an initial laugh, but really, you know it upsets her and it’s a sore spot for her, and you’re just going to laugh hysterically?”
“That’s pretty mean, and in her place, I’d be pretty pissed at you too.” ~ scelestus66
“YTA. My boyfriend is the same height as you and I’m 4’11.”
“It’s extremely frustrating to not be taken seriously your whole life based on your height.”
“We’ve heard every short joke in the world.”
“I’m not insecure about my height, but it’s definitely colored the way people treat me in my life.”
“It gets extremely annoying and old sometimes.”
“I can imagine how demeaning it felt for your wife when she saw you laugh so hard over her lifelong insecurity.” ~ asilentthrow
“My best friend in High School was 4’9, she used to joke about her height and I did too.”
“She’d make a point to always jump for something on the tall shelf and then say ‘mom.. help’ to me.”
“We always joked that if we were in an emergency situation we’d be shouting ‘MOTHERS AND CHILDREN! I HAVE A CHILD!'”
“Of course, the only reason I joked along was that she didn’t care.”
“I would never make insensitive jokes if I knew they would upset her.”
“If your partner is the kind of person who takes those things to heart, you should be kinder about it.”
“OP is TA.” ~ REDDIT
“YTA – not for the initial outburst but it takes more than a few seconds to get to the point of tears in your eyes and that’s plenty of time to have composed yourself.” ~ DrFishTaco
“YTA, you’re not the a-hole for the initial laughter but you know this is a sore spot for your wife you could have been considerate.” ~ Happy_Craft14
“Been there with a short girlfriend at a golf course.”
“The guy hoped I and my daughter had a great game, I laughed, she was pissed.”
“So I get it, I sympathize, but yeah dude, YTA, just like I was.”
“Unlike us, they deal with that crap all the time. It’s not a one-time laugh-it-off kind of thing.”
“But it’s a very mild YTA, and hopefully won’t be a big deal.”
“Or she can deal with it the way my girlfriend did, by laying a smooch on me any time it happened.” ~ TerrisKagi
“I’m 4’9″ and my husband is your height. YTA.”
“I hate that sh*t.”
“When I was in my early thirties we would go out with our two daughters and people thought I was one of his children.”
“One time we went out with his mom and they thought she and he were our parents (gross).”
“I’ve been referred to as my kids’ nanny or babysitter more times than I care to mention and one time we were Christmas shopping and the clerk asked if my dad was going to take me to see Santa next.”
“He was referring to my husband.”
“It’s humiliating enough when it happens, we don’t need our spouses laughing at us too.”
“My husband has never laughed about it unless I laughed first.”
“If I was pissed, he was pissed or at least ‘eye rolly’ about people making assumptions based on height.”
“You are a huge gaping a**hole and I hope you had to sleep on the couch.” ~ littleln
Well OP, Reddit is not really getting your choice of humor.
Hopefully, you and your wife can find a way to look back on this as a teachable moment.