Teenagers often find themselves dealing with the issues of adults while still having the brain and emotional capacity of adolescents (fitting, as they are adolescents.)
Unfortunately, this puts these kids in a very difficult position. How are you supposed to know If you did the right thing while the entire world swirling around you is forcing you to question your own self worth at all times?
That’s the situation Reddit user Doctor-Writer found herself in after dealing with somebody harassing her.
Freaked out by her decisions in reaction, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for help in affirming she did the right thing:
“AITA for getting a guy fired for messaging me?”
Our Original Poster, or OP, spoke about how she got trapped in this very bad situation:
“I’m actually kinda freaked right now and need some kind of outside perspective. On mobile, I apologise about the formatting. TLDR at the bottom.”
“I (18f[emale]) turned legal a few months ago. There was some stuff I had to care of at the bank, and it was a longer process than expected.”
“There were some documents to be verified at the bank and the income tax department. The manager at the bank is friends with my dad and couldn’t have been more helpful.”
“He sent an employee (from the non management side) to our residence with some forms that needed to be signed day before yesterday.”
This employee seemed innocuous at first, but very well could have been a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
“He was polite and professional. After signing the forms, he told me that his boss asked him for an extra photograph and the contact information of my father and me on an additional slip of paper. I was confused, but I didn’t think much of it in that moment.”
“That night, I had a message from an unknown number. It was the guy from the afternoon with the forms.”
“I was about to ask him if he was messaging me regarding some information, but before I could, he sent a message which said, ‘I’m sorry for messaging you without your permission.’”
Immediately, alarm bells went off in OP’s head.
“That was when it hit me; he messaged me without a proper reason. And the only way he could’ve got my number was from the forms/the slip of paper.”
“I immediately shut him down before he said something creepy. I asked him if he took my contact information from the forms, and when he admitted to it, I told him that I would have to speak to his boss.”
As soon as the man begged her not to tell his boss, OP knew something was up.
“He begged me not to tell his boss, but the only thing I said was to delete my number and not contact me again. I immediately took screenshots of the conversation.”
“Yesterday evening, I called the manager, introduced myself and explained what happened. He thanked me for bringing this to my attention and told me he’ll take care of it.”
“He also asked me to send the screenshots. I thought, at the most, he’ll get a lecture from the manager or something.”
“Today, the manager messaged me. The guy was fired. He asked me if I wanted to press charges. I wasn’t expecting that, and told him I’ll get back to him.”
After talking to her friends about what happened, OP had no idea if what she did was justified.
“I spoke to two of my friends about this, and they both had very unexpected reactions; one of them told me to be careful because this guy has both my number and address.”
“The other told me I took it too far and now, because of me, someone lost a job. That’s when it hit me; someone lost a JOB because of me.”
“So, am I the a**hole for filing a complaint to the boss, leading to him being fired?”
Redditors guided OP’s mind to whom guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors said OP was 100% in the right here, as that man was 100% inappropriate.
“NTA. You did not get him fired, HE got himself fired. You did everything you were suppose to do. It was completely inappropriate of him to contact you without your consent.”
“This is an important lesson to learn now, especially because sadly, this may not be the only time you experience this.”
“He stepped WAY out of bounds on this and for all you know this may not have been the first time either, which may have been why he was fired.”
“Please take precautions though because he does have you personal information.”~No-Long5784
“NTA. Personal information including phone numbers are considered privileged information in just about every major industry especially financial institutions.”
“Most companies have very clear guidelines on how employees are supposed to handle such information and for good reason.”
“In my company we go through training on this at least once a year. No way this guy didn’t know what he was doing would get him trouble.”~Futurenazgul
“NTA, If everyone approached inappropriately did all the right things the first time, a lot of less savvy young women would be a lot safer.”
“Letting him get away with this is kicking the problem down the road, until he finds someone without the strength and backup and knowledge to resist. This is not the first time he’s done this, you know it’s not.”
“Thank you. You did exactly the right thing.”~Zhoenish
“NTA – it’s a really important distinction and a lesson a lot of people need to learn.”
“I can’t tell you how many conversations I’ve had with friends along the same lines. ‘But I can’t tell his girlfriend he sent me a picture of his penis, I don’t want to ruin his relationship.'”
“No, HE ruined his relationship by doing it!”
“I always advise people to think about it this way – you’re basically saying that you will actively cover up someone else’s bad behaviour, no matter what they do.”
“That puts someone in a really powerful position where they can just keep pushing your boundaries further and further, and you can’t say anything because you’re trying desperately to keep THEIR secret.”
“They are acting completely recklessly, and expecting YOU to hold their life together – even if you barely know them!”
“OP has done 100% the right thing. Whatever consequences people face for their gross actions are the consequences that the other party (job, partner etc) CHOSE to give them after being given the TRUTH.”
“Giving someone the knowledge to make their own informed decision on how to deal with someone’s bad behaviour is only a good thing.”~whitepawprint
In fact, Redditors are saying OP very likely saved someone else from experiencing inappropriate harassment from this man.
“NTA. That’s completely unprofessional and creepy as all hell.”
“Someone like that should NOT have access to people’s personal information, and he completely abused his position. As an employee who works with PII this is also illegal. What he did is NEVER OKAY.”~UrbanCottagecore
“NTA. That was an absolute breach of your privacy. If he does it once, he’ll do it again. He’s not the first guy who’s gotten fired for pulling that on a woman, either.”
“He knew it was a bad move, and acknowledged it as such as soon as he said ‘don’t tell my boss!’”
“He got HIMSELF fired. You should never apologize for protecting yourself.”~BeitchBall
“NTA- he didn’t lose a job because of you. That was awful of your friend to say. Blaming the victim. God. He lost it because he broke a very serious rule.”
“You did not ask him to steal your highly sensitive personal information. You did not ask him to contact you. You did not ask to be put at such a terrible risk of identity theft and fraud.”
“This guy has your personal information. He betrayed your trust and took advantage of you. What he did was illegal.”
“Please, press charges. Because he deserves it, and because it will help protect you from his retaliation.”~YeahIgotanopinion
“NTA – I can’t believe there are posts calling you TA here. This guy was completely out of line for doing this and it is disgusting.”
“You did the right thing, and your friend who said to be careful is 100% correct. Your other friend (and people on here saying you overreacted) are totally missing the point of how scummy this is.”~No-Today-7108
This man now has her personal information, so it may be wise to press charges before he retaliates.
“NTA – this guy took your photograph and contact info? WTAF?”
“I would press charges because this is way out of line and very creepy, and if he did it to you, then he’ll probably do it to others, too.”
“The ‘friend’ who said you went too far is an idiot who is worrying about the wrong person and blaming the victim. YOU did not get this guy fired. This guy’s own actions got himself fired. Don’t let anybody pin that on you.”
“It is not hard to not steal clients’ personal information for your own creepy purposes.”~SWGoodToes
“NTA. He lost his job HIMSELF. He took your private information from bank documents and used them to gain access to you for personal reasons.”
“This is a HUGE breech of privacy and trust in the business world. I guarantee that he KNEW that he wasn’t allowed to do what he did.”
“He probably had to sign documents when he accepted the job that outlined that he was not allowed to take and use client’s information for anything not pertaining to the bank.”
“You do not know what his intentions were/are and had every right to report that he basically stole your private information.”~SevsMumma21217
“NTA. That is so beyond unprofessional it is not funny. If I were his boss, I would be so grateful you told me so I could get rid of him and make sure he doesn’t do anything worse.”
“You totally did the right thing. But your friend does have a point about him having your personal details.”
“It might be sensible to discuss with police. Not necessarily press charges but just so they know about it in case something happens.”~iheartrsamostdays
“If you EVER feel guilty for calling out harassment, please know that it’s not just about you, it’s about all the other women this man would have harassed, if you hadn’t had the courage to act.”
“You’re very unlikely to be the first woman he’s harassed in some way, and if he had gotten away with it, you definitely wouldn’t have been the last.”
“This is true even for the guys that say ‘I’ve never done this before” or “it’s only you that makes me need to act this way.'”
“By calling this kind of behaviour out, and getting it dealt with appropriately, you are protecting countless women from having their privacy violated, or worse.”
“This man harassed you. Statistically, we can be pretty damn confident he would have harassed others, and that his behaviour would have escalated. You did the right thing.”~gavch298
OP did the right thing for herself and for countless other young women. For Reddit, that much is clear.
Hopefully now she can find some peace for herself in dealing with the fallout from all of it.