Finding a balance between establishing a relationship with a new family and moving too quickly might not come naturally to all.
Redditor weirdornot_ encountered this very issue with his new stepfather. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for telling my stepdad I feel weird about his tattoo?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My mom (41f) met ‘Bill’ (44m) January this year.”
“And I’m not kidding they literally got married 5 months later. Only met him twice during that btw. Now he’s living here with us for 3 months.”
“Me (16M) and him don’t talk much. It’s just awkward because we barely know each other but now we live together. The most we say is hi every time one of us comes in the room.”
“Then most the talks are either between him and my mom or me and my mom but never between me and him. Then I’m at my dad’s 2 weeks out of the month.”
“I’m here this week and Bill has a bandage on his arm but I can see through it. He tells me he got a tattoo and to check it out and if I like it. It’s a heart tattoo but it’s got not just my moms face but mine too and our names.”
“It’s so f*cking weird to me.”
“He can see sit in my face cause he’s asking me what’s wrong and I told him ‘you have a tattoo of my face.’ He asks what’s wrong about it, I told him ‘it’s f*cking weird. Why did you do that?’”
OP’s stepfather was not expecting that reaction.
“He didn’t get what was wrong. I just told him it’s weird to me.”
“We don’t know each other, don’t even talk and basically like strangers and so to me it feels kinda creepy having my face AND name tattoo on someone I’m not close to.”
“Bill looked like he got mad he thought maybe I would like it. My mom didn’t know he did this until later but she siding with him that I shouldn’t have told him I don’t like it.”
“To her she thinks it’s ‘sweet.'”
“Bill keeps bringing it up this whole weekend that it was mean to call his tattoo weird and I owe him an apology. “
“That’s my real feelings and well he asked if I liked and told him my thoughts. AITA?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“THAT IS SO F*CKING WIERD NTA, I literally cringed reading this.”
“He shouldn’t be tattooing you and your name without speaking with you first…that’s lame. You’re not the one in a relationship with him nor have you known him long.”
“Chances are you’re going to be moving out in some fashion in a few years anyway, even if he’s not the one moving out first. The fact he’s pressuring you to feel bad afterwards just shows why he got it: to emotionally manipulate you and your mom.”
“NTA, I would ask him to get it removed if I was you. He can cover it up with all the red flags this relationship has”
“Edit: Goodbye My Lover – The Office US” ~ Ironsam811
“This dude sounds sad and desperate and not too stable.”
“I’m guessing he thought this tattoo would be like…a shortcut to a parent-child relationship. The way he thought getting married to a woman he’s only known for 5 months would be a shortcut to a family.” ~ DiTrastevere
“Lol your comment made me think of the office episode when Michael photoshopped himself into carols family photo and sent it as a Christmas card, I threw it up on my original comment.” ~ Ironsam811
“I definitely get Michael Scott vibes from this dude. This feels more desperate and awkward than malicious to me. I get why people are going “red flags!!!” but like…all I can do is cringe.” ~ DiTrastevere
You can’t tattoo yourself into a family.
“I’d like to think it’s that pathetically ‘nice.'”
“What I really think it is, is establishing a false sense of intimacy to gain an upper hand.”
“’I didn’t like when you said x to my son OP’”
“’Sharon! How could you say that? I have his face on my arm! How could you doubt my positive intentions? I’m so hurt!’” ~ Ladyughsalot1
“I would be requesting to live with my dad full time after that if I were OP, that’s some massive, shiny red flags there.” ~ SpunkyRadcat
“Fully agree! So cringe. OP maybe find the humor in it. You now have a super funny story to tell. Odds are they break up and now you have some random dude walking around with your face on his arm. I know it’s weird now but one day you will laugh.” ~ erin_baile
“NTA – that would creep me the f*ck out, too. It’d be different had he been around most of your life and had a close relationship with you, but he doesn’t so that just sends off red flags for me. That’s way too much. The least he could have done is asked you. Also, your mom not seeing how this is inappropriate and down-right strange worries me.” ~ anxietyeggroll
“NTA. I’m trying to do this math but basically this new guy has been around for a year or less. You barley know him and he already has a family forever tattoo? It’d make sense if he’d been around for a good amount of years, had an established relationship but none of that has happened.” ~ SNC__94
“NTA- You are showing better judgement than your mom and stepdad. For a parent with a minor child living in the home, five months is very fast to even move someone in especially given that you had only met twice.”
“Getting married to someone within five months in that same situation is poor judgement. Then inking your body with someone’s name and face when there is no actual relationship is creepy af.”
“He doesn’t even know you well enough to pick out a present that would be meaningful and in your taste. My real question is what is the rush?!?!”
“Is your Mom pregnant? Is someone at risk of being deported if they don’t go for the green card wedding? Are one of them very wealthy and the other is gold digging? Was he hobosexual (homeless who get in relationships so they can move in with the new partner) and your mom wanted to be in relationship so she didn’t mind? Or does your mom have a history of bad relationships and impulsive decisions?”
“You don’t owe either of them an apology. If you feel too uncomfortable go stay at your dad’s. Also please make sure he knows all of this.” ~ sleepthedayzaway
“No to all your questions. Idk why my mom just says ‘when you’re older and fall in love you’ll understand.’ I mean it’s her life so whatever.” ~ weirdornot_
OP should trust his gut.