Parents rarely take into consideration how a child might feel regarding their given names.
Grownups are often too consumed with coming up with unique baby names they feel at the time are special… until the child grows up and challenges it.
That is the situation regarding the conflict between a mom and her teenage son.
A 16-year-old who was named Alexander at birth visited “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit after facing off against his mom.
There, Redditor Educational-Fee-5962 asked:
“AITA for using my nickname exclusively in school even in our school newsletter?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My full name is Alexander but I (16 m[ale]) go by Lex. My mom hates it. She always calls me Alexander and has asked me to explain why I’d choose Lex over Alexander repeatedly to her.”
“She has told me Lex sounds like you forget to finish what you’re saying and Lex is all that comes out. She told me it sounds like a girly name.”
“She has even told me to stop saying I’m Lex because my name on my birth certificate and all my documents is Alexander. She told me Alexander is a handsome and sophisticated name and I should be using nothing but that and if I really need to, I could always use my middle name instead.”
The OP continued:
“Mom is the only person who still calls me Alexander and last year I was even given a student log in with Lex instead of Alexander. Which is why this has become a big deal now.”
“My school’s back to school newsletter had a photo of me for a school club I’m the face of and they called me Lex last name in the newsletter. My mom freaked out about it.”
“She told me she gave me the name Alexander for a reason and I should stop trying to discard the name she lovingly chose for me.”
The OP added:
“She also told me I’m screwing myself because people take Alexander far more serious than they take Lex. She called and complained to the teacher in charge of the newsletter too which was humiliating.”
“I got berated all afternoon after the newsletter went out Tuesday. My mom told me I need to make it right and to stop using Lex in school.”
“AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA.”
“It is completely fine that you go by your nickname as it is only an abbreviation of your actual name. Just make sure to remember to always put in your official one when booking stuff etc.”
“”In the Netherlands, I know so many people who do it due to the tradition of people having pretty classic or old-fashioned names (e.g., I knew a guy by Dion’ whose actual name is Dionysos, or one of my friends goes by Anette instead of Antoinette—signing up to uni, they used the proper one and then just advised to use the go by—no one asks or is offended).
“All in all, Lex is as fine a name as any and not ‚girly‘ – even if it was, I don’t understand the issue. Your mom probably will never or will take ages to come around. You can try to explain why you prefer it, but otherwise I’d suggest that you might just have to accept her nagging.”– laCantarella
“Agreed. In the Netherlands, a lot of people have an official legal name and an official name as their parents want them to be called (roepnaam). So, with admissions at universities, they ask for both. Nowadays, the first name is the same as the roepnaam most of the time.”
“But a few decades ago, it was way more common to name a child after one of the grandparents or give them a name of the Christian faith and then give them an official roepnaam.”
“There are whole families with three generations of men called Johannes with their own roepnaam, like Jan, Johan, Hans or Hannes. This was also done to prevent confusion when you have like 8 cousins and 4 uncles who are all named after the same grandfather. “
“Also, OP, Lex is used as a first name a lot in the Netherlands. I know like five adults with that name (all men).” – Pollythepony1993
“Not to mention I’m pretty sure Lex Luthor is a pretty badass man so maybe just introduce her to Superman….or maybe not since perhaps comparing yourself to a superhero villain won’t do much for the seriousness of the nickname.” – justalwayscurious
“Lex Luthor was the first thing that came to mind for me, too. I think it’s a really cool name, and I wouldn’t take someone less seriously just because they’re named Lex.”
“NTA this is YOUR name, your mother can call you by your birth name but she needs to realize you’re living your own life. She’s wrong for continuing to berate you for it.” – RefrigeratorNo686
“Even if he went by a nickname that wasn’t a shortening of his real name it would be fine. He’s old enough to pick what he wants to be called. His mother doesn’t own him, she had a right to call him what she wanted when he was a baby because he was too little to have an opinion but now that he’s older it’s all up to him.” – SyderoAlena
“NTA. If you choose a longer name for your children then you need to assume that people will shorten it. In your case Lex is more unusual but if your name is Alexander then many many people in life will try and call you Alex or Xander and your mom should have been prepared for that.” – FinalClick8455
“No matter what, people always find a way to make a nickname. President Eisenhower’s mother hated nicknames so she named him Dwight David, assuming that those were already short names. I bet she was shocked when everyone just called him Ike. It was even on his campaign literature. 😂”
“Anyway, Lex’s mom needs to relax and realize he is his own person and entitled to the name of his cloice. He is NTA.” – Zubo13
“The only Lex I’ve ever heard of was Lex Luthor, definitely not a girly name, and at 16 you can absolutely decide what you’d prefer to be called!” – QuirkyTurtle91
“Ah the age old ‘I’m going to give my child a name with several obvious nicknames, then get pissy when everyone uses one of said nicknames instead of the proper name’ 🤦♀️ NTA.” – Super-Diet4377
“I had a friend whose parents wanted to name her Katherine, but they didn’t want anyone using a nickname for her, so they named her Kate instead. And they were FURIOUS when everyone called her Katie instead. People are so f*cking weird about their kids sometimes.” – ScroochDown
“This is a problem entirely residing in your mum’s head. Lex is totally fine, though I have to say I’ve only heard it used as a female name. Unfortunately, your mother has to contend with the fact that her offspring will grow up and make choices, and one of those choices is about how people refer to them.”
“I would let her know that you prefer the informal name. Inform her you are aware of her concerns, but ultimately its your choice, and that it may well be that when you’re older you may choose to use your full first name for official documents/records or job interviews or whatever, but right now, you’re happy with Lex, but she’s welcome to call you whatever makes her happy.”
“NTA.” – helpfullyrandom
“NTA. ‘A name is a gift to a child, to wear like a coat. Sometimes the coat no longer fits and the child choses their own.’ ”
“I use a shortened version of my name at work. Think Alex to your Alexander. I have that short version on my badge, and everyone calls me the short version. I am 50 years old. My oldest child is NB and has chosen their own name. While they haven’t legally changed it, we all call them by their chosen name.” – RCKJD
“NTA.”
“Sounds like she sucks, man. If this is a pattern of behavior for her start to try and distance yourself from caring about the little things that drive her mad.”
“I’ll also add that although calling the school did suck – your teachers don’t think less of you because of this and find it way less humiliating than you do. They deal with way worse parents all the time.” – zeb5364
“NTA obviously. A name is like a gift. Yes, she gave it to you. Now, it’s yours to use however you like. Go by whatever you like! Lex, Xander, Alex, Al, Bob, it doesn’t matter. Use whatever name makes you happy.” – Commercial-Place6793
“NTA. My mom would do this with my brother. Even if one of his elementary school friends called him “Rich” instead of “Richard,” she would immediately correct them. I remember her doing it at a birthday party once. It was embarrassing enough for me, and I can only imagine how it was for him. You gotta take pride in your name so be called what you want.” – -Lost-Mind-
Overall, Redditors backed Lex for deciding how he wished to be addressed at school despite his mom’s wishes.
They also pointed out that his name was his to do with as he wished, but they also reminded him to use the name given at birth on official documents unless he legally changed his name.