Paternity testing used to be expensive and out of reach for most people. Desperation turned some people to tabloid talk shows and programs like paternity court to get answers.
But with the ever-increasing accessibility of home DNA testing, home paternity tests are available for less than $10 at your local drugstore.
But when should a person utilize such a test? Once that genie is out of the bottle, there’s no putting it back in.
A husband with doubts based solely on his son’s physical appearance accused his wife of cheating because of this.
The wife turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subReddit for feedback. Similar to AITA, this subReddit doesn’t set voting acronyms or issue an official judgment. However, it does allow topics banned on AITA, like relationship troubles.
Only_Injury8944 asked:
“AITAH for not stopping my husband from getting the paternity test?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My husband recently asked me for a paternity test. Why? Because our son looks nothing like him.”
“I never cheated on him. I would never. He knows he was my first and only partner.”
“I told him he can have the test. Who am I to stop him from it?”
“He took the test and found out our son is actually his, and he seemed very happy. I told him congrats.”
“Now you are sure it’s your own son you are paying child support for. He asked what that meant, and I told him if he thinks I cheat on him, then we truly shouldn’t be married.”
“I took my son and left, and we are currently staying in a hotel, and I’m going to get divorced.”
“He keeps calling and texting and begging me to come back, but I don’t want to.”
“He said if I had such a problem with the test, then I should have stopped him instead of allowing it and then ‘acting like a bratty child and ruining our lives’.”
“I’m not sure how I’m the one ruining our lives. He is the one who thinks I’m a cheater.”
“He should be happy he doesn’t have to live with a cheater anymore.”
Some Redditors used the voting acronyms from AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors who used the voting acronyms decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA—if you had stopped him, then his mind would have been made up, the baby isn’t his. I don’t blame you at all.” ~ Sad-Country-9873
“You didn’t fight him on the test. You let him do it, and now he’s blaming you for not stopping him? That’s backwards.” ~ throwaway1234503
“NTA. He’s a control freak and manipulator.”
“She fights on the test, she cheated. She doesn’t fight (because she knows the truth), and it’s all her fault that he wanted a test.”
“OP had three options. Fight the test and be continually accused, allow the test but let off partner for accusing her of cheating for no reason (which would only encourage his behaviour), or allow the test and give husband the consequences of his actions.”
“OP picked the right one for her long-term health.” ~ ChampionshipOne6259
“Don’t forget projection. Oftentimes, these people project their own actions on the spouse.”
“She made the right choice. The marriage isn’t based on trust. I bet his mom or other family member is whispering things in his ear as they don’t like her.” ~ Mountain-Paper-8420
“Plus divorcing him is the only way men like this will learn that their stupid, immature actions have consequences.”
“Want a paternity test? Sure. That comes with a divorce, by the way.”
“Red pill podcasts aren’t real life. Any man who thinks they are, deserves the divorce they will eventually get.” ~ SunShineShady
“He couldn’t possibly be at fault though, I mean who would mind being called a cheater who would lie through a whole pregnancy about the paternity of their baby?” ~ Beth21286
“He’s blaming her for his actions, just like he would have blamed her for everything else in their marriage. I’m glad OP got out now.” ~ Minimum-Arachnid-190
“It’s not even about the test. It’s about the lack of trust that the test represents. Validly, OP has a problem with the fact that her husband did not trust her.”
“Trust is one of the foundations of a healthy relationship. He has demonstrated that he doesn’t have trust, therefore the foundation of the relationship is broken and it’s over.”
“I am not advocating that this response by OP was either constructive or non-constructive. We have no idea the content of the conversations.”
“We have no idea about how the rest of their marriage or relationship is. All we know is that her trust was broken, and she feels that she needs to leave.”
“Who knows, they might get back together next week or next year. Maybe they’ll get couples therapy and work on their communication. I don’t wanna make assumptions.”
“I admire anyone who recognizes when they need to leave because there is a red line that’s been crossed—for them—that they can’t go back from.”
“That means that her child will not grow up in a broken home. As someone who has experienced dysfunction myself as a child, it’s so much better to be raised by two separate whole people (and potentially their partners) than two untrusting, dysfunctional people.”
“The entire point is, trust is required. Foster trust, maintain trust, talk about your boundaries, check in with one another and try your best to communicate effectively and honestly.”
“That was not done in this relationship—not sure how much by either party— and this is the result.” ~ mrmoe198
“Exactly, that complete lack of trust is something you can’t get over.”
“Because, he will be thinking, ‘well ok, this kid is mine, but what about the next one?’ and of course ‘did you really take your mother to buy groceries, or did you f*ck a hobo in the grocery store parking lot!”
“There is no way all the jealousy, wild accusations, and complete lack of trust went away with that test result.” ~ Apprehensive-Care20z
“This is exactly it. There’s no winning, there’s no proving you are worthy of trust with a partner who thinks this way.”
“I have a friend whose husband is constantly accusing her of cheating. Every time she is anywhere without him, gym, girls night out, if she stays late at work, anything.”
“He’s deeply insecure and misogynistic and pushes that onto her.”
“He literally accused her of cheating on him while she was on a weekend trip with her mother to celebrate her mom’s birthday. They were sharing a hotel room.”
“I keep telling her I wouldn’t stay married to someone who thought so little of me as to think I’d screw a stranger while my mom slept 5 feet away, but she’s so beaten down by his constant mistreatment she thinks it’s normal.” ~ Unable_Pumpkin987
“It’s amazing how many people don’t understand that asking your spouse—that you have no reason not to trust—for a/getting a paternity test is the equivalent of saying that you believe your wife is a lying cheating whore that is baby trapping you.”
“If you are of the opinion that no matter what, you want a paternity test and view it the same as getting a pre-nup, talk about it before getting pregnant. Have a discussion before it is an accusation of being a terrible person, and go from there.”
“One night stand? Get a test. On a break? Get a test. In a non-monogamous relationship? Test. In the middle of a rough patch, and the dates don’t line up? Test.”
“Trying to conceive, and spend 90% of your time together? No test.” ~ Dry_Prompt3182
“Blaming someone for being justifiably upset at you is typical bullying behavior. The first words out of their mouths are always ‘get over it’ or ‘it’s not a big deal’ or ‘why are you so sensitive?’.”
“In his mind, he’s the victim for her overreacting to his perfectly innocuous request.” ~ jeffriestubesteak
“Either he thought you were cheating, in which case there is zero trust, and/or he’s got paranoia and jealousy issues that make him a poor candidate for husband”
“Or he’s got intrusive thoughts and anxiety he’s failed to control, which would also make him an undesirable partner.”
“Or he’s been dipping his toe in the bad part of the internet, which again, renders him not-husband material.”
“Tell him this has fundamentally altered how you see him and his stupidity and lack of respect have just turned you all the way off.” ~ Apart_Insect_8859
“Exactly. No matter how you spin it, the trust is broken. You can’t unring that bell, and she deserves better.” ~ CleanPerspective2345
“Bro has issues and instead of dealing with them in a healthy way, he accuses her of infidelity and then expects her to go back to how things were before he had a third party deem her not a cheater.”
“OP is not responsible for his emotional immaturity or his insecurities. He might be too stupid to realize how his behavior revealed so much about his character, but blaming her for his choices is insane.” ~ thecathugger
“NTA. He clearly has trust issues, and honestly, even though the test came back with him as the daddy, that kinda doubt sticks.”
“It’s not about the test results, it’s about him even thinking that way. Honestly, I’d stay gone.”
“He needs to seriously reflect on his actions and maybe get some therapy because that’s not healthy. And like, him calling you ‘bratty’ after he doubted you? Nah, girl. You deserve better.” ~ Tatianaglow
The OP may not have had her husband’s support regarding their child’s paternity, but Reddit definitely had her back. Don’t stay with someone who doesn’t trust or respect you.