Proper etiquette while guests are over is often in the eye of the beholder.
Some people feel it’s fine to dress comfortable, as if to show visiting people that their presence is comforting and there is not need to put on airs.
Others, however, feel the opposite. For them, having guests over is a nice event that all should be presentable for, as if to show respect.
A recent post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit illustrated those differing opinions.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Waluigi_time3 on the site, highlighted the key factor right in the post’s title.
“AITA for refusing to wear a bra when there are guests over?”
OP got right into the action.
“Pretty much the title.”
“I [>18-year-old female] was approached by my Mom this morning and she asked me to wear a bra, since my dad was going to have guests over soon.”
“She said that it was basic decency, and it’s like having boy not wear a shirt when guests are over.”
But for OP, something wasn’t adding up.
“The thing that really irks me, is that a couple weeks ago when we had a dinner guest, my Mom said I didn’t have to because the guest was gay.”
Then some drama ensued.
“I only have a couple bras, and they don’t fit because they are from my Mom.”
“We butted heads and I just said that I wouldn’t make myself seen at all, which she was a bit pissed at, but just left.”
“So Reddit, AITA?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors were on OP’s side completely. They immediately became concerned with the subtext.
“NTA, if you didn’t have to wear a bra when their gay friend came over you shouldn’t have to wear one when their straight friends come over, or maybe your dad might wanna talk to his friends about sexualizing his >18yo daughter 🤷🏻♀️” — Sethroid666
“NTA. So, your dad is inviting someone over who your parents apparently know will sexualize their teenage daughter?” — Purple-Ad-4187
“NTA- as a mother of four girls I’m embarrassed. If your father’s friends see you as anything other than a friends daughter that is creepy and they shouldn’t allowed the house.”
“Lots of women go barless for many reasons, comfort being number one. I’m sorry this was even a convo in your home.” — MomIrishTwins
“NTA, sounds like your mom knows what kind of men these guys are and its got me wondering why she would allow them in her home” — realcanadiantrash
“NTA – your body, your rules.”
“That aside, there’s a whole separate conversation to be had about why your mother is allowing people into the house when she EXPECTS them to care whether or not you’re wearing a bra!” — Venetrix2
“NTA!!! If you have to go to lengths to “protect yourself” or be “decent” for guests, the guests shouldn’t be there. Bras are uncomfy. Bras are painful. This is the same argument as ‘No shoulders showing in school, you’ll disrupt ThE BoYs EdUcAtIoN!??’ “
“If they can’t ignore it, focus on anything else, or even see anything besides that for that matter, they shouldn’t be around kids. Free the nip!” — where_is_the_lasagne
Others highlighted her autonomy.
“NTA. Whether or not you wear a bra is your own personal decision and choice. And incidentally, lots of men walk around shirtless, even when guests are arriving so her analogy was shitty in the first place.”
“Tell your mom it’s not up to her when you wear a bra. And if you want a bra that suits you, go and get one that’s actually sized for you.”
“I hated bras as a teenager and would only wear sports bras for the longest time if I wore one at all. And if someone had something to say about my choice, I’d give them the biz about how whether or not I wear one is my choice and nobody else’s.”
“I wear them now because I found ones that are comfy and also hide the headlights when it’s cold but it’s not my place to choose that for anyone other than myself.” — jammy913
“NTA. You are not obligated to be ashamed of your body. If you feel comfortable and confident not wearing a bra, dont. Its not the same as being naked at all. Bra is not the equivalent of male T-Shirt, female T-Shirt is an equivalent of a male T-Shirt.” — SkadiSkagskard
Others suggested OP start fresh.
“NTA I agree with some other posters that either you need a bra for all or a bra for none. And hell yes to the poster who said Dad’s friend’s shouldn’t be sexualizing OP.”
“I am curious as to why OP can’t have bras of her own. She should be able to have undergarments that are hers and were purchased or or acquired specifically to fit HER. Hand me downs from mom…. meh. Maybe. However, they don’t fit, so they are not the solution. I keep getting stuck on this part….” — One_Saturday_Morning
“NTA, you don’t have to wear a bra period if you don’t want to. But if it was that big of a deal, tell your mom to take you to get one that actually fits, bras can uncomfortable as is, but having one that doesn’t can be effing miserable.” — plutothebunny
“NTA- Why don’t you have decent fitting bras? If they want you to wear one, they should provide it. Hand me down bras are just wrong.” — acb1971
“Holy hell Mom is the a**hole for giving you hand me down bras instead of getting you properly fitted. I’m a guy and even I know how important that is.” — betcher73
“NTA. Wearing a bra that doesn’t fit is painful and causes lingering and long term issues like back and shoulder pain and breast tissue migration. You’d probably be more inclined to wear a bra that actually fit and supported you.”
“She’s the lazy and cheap AH here for handing you down a bra and expecting you to be able to wear it.” — isotopepotosi
Looks like OP’s parents are going to have to get used to her braless approach to dinner parties.