End of life planning and discussions are never easy. It’s difficult enough to set up your estate when you’re perfectly healthy, but becomes even harder when you know the end is coming.
In addition to figuring out your will and navigating your own mortality, the last thing you want is a fight with family.
Reddit user helplesshamiltonish explained her trying situation and needed to know if she was a jerk. Where else can she ask but Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole” board?
The Original Poster asked:
“AITA for giving the entire inheritance to my twin brother?”
It’s a short story, but it contained multitudes:
“Am I the a**hole for leaving my inheritance to only one sibling?”
“So I (30F) made money young. I dropped out of college to model, then started my own business and made some smart decisions with stocks. So I have quite a bit of money saved, my own property owned free and clear (just pay utilities), and a couple cars. I am single and childless.”
“Growing up, I was very close with my twin (30M) but not so much with my other siblings (also twins, 28F). Basically they were favored quite a bit by my parents.”
“I took care of myself starting in high school and so did my twin. He paid his own way through college with no parental help while I built my business also on my own. Our younger siblings did not.”
“Our parents bought them cars in high school, paid 100% of their tuition and living expenses in college, and supported them in starting their adults lives.”
“Both my sisters ended up in bad relationships where they had kids that the fathers eventually had nothing to do with. My parents have always given them plenty of money and support.”
“I just got diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor.”
“It’s inoperable and I am going to die within six months. I have made my peace with it. I opted to leave everything to my brother in my will.”
“That was he can pay off his student loans and have a vehicle and home free and clear. I want to know he has a good life while I’m gone.”
“My parents and sisters found out that I’m leaving everything to him and flipped out. They accused me of favoritism and being a bad daughter, aunt, and sister.”
“They said my parents deserved money for raising me, and that my nieces and nephews deserved my money for future expenses since their mothers couldn’t afford things like cars and college.”
“Even my grandma and my uncle’s wife who I barely see messaged me on Facebook to tell me how selfish I’m being.”
“I blocked all of them in Facebook and told my brother I only wanted him to be at my bedside while I died.”
“AITA for giving my inheritance solely to my brother, and for cutting my family off?”
OP asks if she was the one wrong to exclude most her family from her will.
To pass judgment, AITA has a few responses:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody sucks here
The overwhelming answer from users was that OP was NTA.
“NTA – it’s your money, your choice. Your brother may decide to help out your nieces but that’s his choice and not theirs.”
“I would talk with your brother though because I’d be worried your family will try and gaslight him into giving them a portion of the inheritance. I hope, for your sake, this can be sorted out and you can get some peace.” – Apprehensive-Mess-97
“NTA: I’m sorry but the lack of compassion and just the amount of narcissism from your parents are ridiculous. You raised yourself. They did not raise you.”
“They did not be good parents. Your siblings need to figure out their lives themselves. They made their decisions so live with them” – Vast_Lecture
“NTA at all!! Wow, your family is f’ed up. You don’t have to leave them anything!!”
“Pay back your parents for raising you??? Seriously??? WTF! I agree that consulting your lawyer to make sure there are no loop holes is a good idea.”
“If you feel so inclined to include your nieces/nephews, invest in their education so your sisters can’t touch it. ;)” – SillyCdnMum
“NTA. its not their money to take, its yours to give. do what makes you feel at peace. leave them a small amount so they cant contest it, but other than that dont bother.” – SunlitFable
Others who agreed were also concerned for the wellbeing of her brother.
“NTA but maybe see a solicitor to make sure your will is incontestable. You don’t want your poor brother trying to mourn you while a bunch of vultures steal everything not nailed down or specified in the will.”
“I am sorry for your situation and I hope that you have only the people who love you around for your remaining time.” – HavePlushieWillTalk
“I just want to tack on this comment to make sure it’s documented that you were of sound mind when you made your will.”
“My family contested a will by saying our relative with brain cancer wasn’t capable of making big decisions. They said my family member’s brain tumor was affecting their ability to make decisions. NTA” – tacobelley
“NTA- it’s your money, I’d go over with a inheritance lawyer to close any loopholes that the family could take. Make sure you tell him not to let “family” members coax or scam him into giving them $.”
“Example: Pretending to love him/be friends after his death because he got $” – TheSaintOfTheRight
You’re free to choose what to do with your life, but you’re not free from the consequences.
Whether that’s your family getting mad because you left them out of your will or getting left out of a will because you played favorites with your kids, it all comes down to the choices you make and living with the consequences.