Content Warning: Mentions of Kidnapping and Child Safety
When two people are preparing to have children, it’s amazing to imagine how involved their parents might like to be as grandparents, creating that picture-perfect childhood for them.
But some grandparents take the role to an inappropriate level, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor CHUPIYAHOTUM was alarmed when her son confided that he was uncomfortable around the men his grandmother had been dating since she got divorced, so she made a rule that her mother-in-law could only babysit her children at home without the boyfriends present.
When she left her children in her mother-in-law’s care, only for her mother-in-law to take them back to her house and invite her boyfriend over to prove a point, the Original Poster (OP) threatened to call the police.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for threatening to call the police against my mother-in-law (MIL) after she took my kids without permission?”
The OP drew new boundaries with her mother-in-law when she started dating again.
“I (34 Female) have always had a tough relationship with my mother-in-law (MIL) (60 Female).”
“She’s been pushing us to send our kids (7 Female and 10 Male) to her house more often ever since her divorce, but my husband (37 Male) and I aren’t comfortable with it.”
“She has a lot of boyfriends coming and going, and while that’s her business, I don’t want my kids around strangers.”
“My son even mentioned once that he didn’t feel comfortable around one of her boyfriends, and that was enough for me to draw a line.”
“My husband agreed, so we’ve stuck to the rule: if she wants to see the kids, she can either come to our place, or we can meet somewhere else.”
“She doesn’t like this and has complained plenty, but we’ve been firm about it.”
Then the OP’s mother-in-law seriously crossed a line.
“This weekend, though, things blew up. She offered to watch the kids while my husband and I ran errands, which we thought was her way of trying to make peace. She came over, and everything seemed fine when we left.”
“But when we got home, she and the kids were gone.”
“I called her immediately, and she casually told me they were at her house. She said the kids missed her and were going to stay the night.”
“I was furious. This was NOT what we agreed to.”
“My husband tried to calm me down, saying it was fine and that we could relax for the evening.”
“I reminded him why we don’t send the kids to her house, especially with her boyfriend around.”
“My husband called her to ask if he was there, and she swore he wasn’t. But I didn’t trust her. We drove to her place, and guess what? Her boyfriend’s car was parked outside.”
The OP decided it was time to drive the point home.
“We knocked on the door and told her we decided we wanted to have dinner with the kids instead.”
“We were polite to avoid making a scene, but she went off. She accused us of judging her for having a boyfriend and trying to control her life.”
“I snapped and told her if she ever took my kids without permission again, I’d call the police.”
“She started crying and yelling, and we left with the kids.”
“Now my husband says he agrees with me that what she did was wrong, but he thinks I didn’t need to yell or threaten her.”
“I don’t feel bad about it, though. She crossed a major line, and I feel like I had to stand my ground.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that she had not overreacted at all.
“NTA. You and your husband set the rules, and she was watching the kids at your house. She took them to her home where her boyfriend was and your kids have been uncomfortable around the boyfriend.”
“I would refuse to let her be alone with the kids period and yes calling the cops is a very reasonable thing.”
“She can have boyfriends, that’s not a problem, but you don’t want your kids around them, and that’s not a problem, either.” – RaptorOO7
“She completely violated your trust, and protecting your kids comes first. Setting that boundary is 100 percent reasonable.” – True-Big-7081
“She’s proven she can’t be trusted to respect boundaries or keep the kids safe. The whole, ‘Oh, I’ll just watch them at your house’ thing was clearly a ploy to get access to them.”
“If she wants to be around strange men, that’s her choice, but she doesn’t get to expose the grandkids to it, especially after they’ve expressed feeling unsafe. Trust those instincts.” – Expensive-Oven8232
“Absolutely NTA. You set a boundary and she didn’t just push it, she smashed right through it. Make sure you follow through with the threat if she does it again, although I suggest never leaving her alone with your children again.” – Sick_Of_Facebook75
“As a parent, it is your responsibility to protect your kids. If the mother-in-law does stupid things that might harm them, then she gets put on probation or banned entirely.”
“She definitely can’t be trusted to babysit them. She volunteered with the motive that she would take them when the parents left. Who knows what could have happened?” – BlazingSunflowerland
Others agreed and pointed out that this was technically kidnapping.
“And this isn’t a small thing; the one kid literally said they’re not comfortable around the boyfriend. So hubby would rather leave their child in a situation where they don’t feel safe rather than upset his mother?”
“Um… yeah, no.”
“NTA. She basically kidnapped your children and refused to give them back because SHE decided she was keeping them for the evening. And yet she couldn’t even be bothered to put her social life on hold for that one evening to ensure her grandchildren felt safe in her home. Not only that but when you flat out asked her if he was there she lied.”
“So was she gonna tell your kids to lie if you asked if he was there?”
“You behaved exactly right. You tried the nice way, you tried to give an easy out that you two wanted to have dinner with the children. She blew up when you wanted to take your own kids back home.”
“There’s no wiggle room here, this is way past the ‘be nice’ threshold. Someone takes your children without your permission and then just informs you they’re keeping them for the night that’s you give me my kids back or I call the police and get them back.”
“NTA. Your kids’ safety comes above all else. She has strange men staying at her house. She has one who your child has told you they don’t feel comfortable around. That is not something you wave off or dismiss.”
“Kids come first. She’s perfectly entitled to a social life or dating life or whatever else however she is NOT entitled to bring strangers around your children. What she does on her own time is her business but what she does when she has your kids is VERY MUCH your business.”
“Good luck, OP, and I’m glad you stood your ground. I get why it’s hard for your husband but ask him if he’d really rather leave his child with a man who they don’t feel safe with than stand up to his mom.” – Acegirl1985
“Not the AH. Your MIL kidnapped your children. She did not have permission to take them from your home and knew your boundaries and completely ignored them.”
“She doesn’t get to play a victim, and you had every right to say that you would call the police. You should have called the police this time honestly.”
“Your hubby needs to stop worrying about his mommy’s feelings and start protecting his children and standing alongside with you steadfastly on this.” – TooTallBrawl1919
“Dude, the dad’s alright with his mother KIDNAPPING his kids and unilaterally deciding to keep them ‘overnight’ (or maybe for a week? They do miss me, they said so! They want to spend the WHOOOOOLE summer, or school year, or whatever, with ME!), AND keeping them with a man in the house that at least one of their kids feels unsafe around in the DAYTIME!!”
“At this point, weirdly, there’s at least one bigger problem than just the lies. I have ONE family member I wouldn’t have called the cops on before I even left my house.” – Duderunawayforlife
“‘I will call the police if you kidnap my children again’ isn’t a threat, it’s a statement of fact and natural consequence.”
“And you better believe OP needs to follow through next time, because there WILL be a next time if the mother-in-law thinks she can get away with it. People who stomp boundaries like this only escalate when they face no consequences.” – SuitableArtist2225
Some argued that they would have already called the police instead of warning her about it.
“She got off too easy. Calling the cops is the best and most professional thing to do, in my opinion.” – vascara
“Honestly, just threatening to call the cops is not good enough. If anything, I would say YTA for not calling the cops. If I set up rules or boundaries or whatever in regard to my children and you don’t follow them then you don’t have any right to be upset when you face consequences for your actions.” – Pre-licked_Chips
“NTA. Listen to your son. He has that creepy feeling for a reason.”
“You should have called the police the moment you got home, and the kids weren’t there. She kidnapped your children. The fact that she’s their grandmother is irrelevant.” – Lindensorry
“You honestly could have called the police instead of even coming over.”
“She DID technically actually kidnap your children by taking them somewhere you both didn’t agree to and without either of your knowledge.”
“But since that has passed now, get a restraining order. Don’t make threats; make promises.”
“And remind your husband that his loyalty should lie with you, his wife, and his children now. And his mom can either get down or lay down.” – masterminor
“NTA. She cannot be trusted. Nothing she says anymore can be believed. Your husband needs a kick in the pants because he is going too soft here and failing to properly care for his children.”
“Why is she so keen to have the kids over there at the same time as her boyfriend? Is that the boyfriend’s idea? Do you have his full name and if so, do some googling. See if there are any police reports on him.” – pixie_ann
The subReddit was furious on the children’s behalf for the mother-in-law putting her desires first, especially since the boundaries were clear and the kids had been honest about their discomfort around her new boyfriend.
While there was nothing wrong with her dating, there was a time and a place for it, and involving her grandchildren in her dating life wasn’t it.