Some people are always on the lookout to find a suitable “match” for their single friends.
Regardless of whether or not these friends are actually looking for a match.
More often than not, people think they’ve found the perfect match in one of their own partner’s friends
Only seeing the immediate possibilities, and not factoring in the long-term repercussions should this match fail to ignite.
The girlfriend of a recent Redditor thought that a close friend of his was an ideal suitor to a close friend of hers.
The original poster (OP), however, knew right away that his friend was not going to fall for his girlfriend’s friend.
When his girlfriend confronted him about why he thought that, he gave his honest response.
A response his girlfriend did not appreciate one bit.
Wondering if he made matters more complicated for himself than necessary, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for telling my girlfriend that her friend is too ugly for my friend?”
The OP explained why his honest response to his girlfriend’s question did not go over well…
“I’ve (29 M[ale]) been with my gf (28 F[emale]) for the past 8 months and it has been amazing.”
“I’ve met her friends and I really like them all, and she’s met my friends and they all got along great.”
“We are all hanging out together for the first time this weekend.”
“The issue is that my gf has told one of her friends, let’s call her Sue, that she thinks she would be perfect for one of my friends, let’s call him Mike.”
“She has told her this multiple times, shown her pictures of him, and gotten her all excited.”
“My problem with this is that I don’t think they are a good match at all.”
“Mike is a very good looking guy, in great shape, is 6’2” and is a lawyer.”
“He has always dated very conventionally attractive women.”
“Sue is great and I really like her, but she is just not very conventionally attractive.”
“She is overweight and just doesn’t put much effort into her appearance in general.”
“My gf has mentioned this potential match to me a few times, and I’ve always just kind of brushed it off with a ‘we’ll see’ or ‘you never know’ hoping it would just fizzle out, but after we made plans to all hang out and after I found out she has been telling Sue about it, I felt like I had to say something to her.”
“I didn’t want Sue to get her feelings hurt, and I didn’t want to put Mike in an awkward situation.”
“I told my girlfriend I think she should not try to set them up together, and to just leave it alone, and if something happens between them, great, but not to push it.”
“When she asked why, I said I just don’t think they are a comparable match looks wise, and that I think Sue would get her feelings hurt.”
“I said I don’t think they’re a great match personality wise either, since he is super active and she is much more of a home body.”
“This caused a big fight (our first real fight) where she accused me of thinking my friends were better than her friends, asking who else I thought was ‘ugly’, etc.”
“I was genuinely just trying to avoid an awkward situation, but I might have made it worse.”
“Should I just have kept my mouth shut and let it happen?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
While the Reddit community was somewhat divided, most tended to feel that the OP was not the a**hole for telling his girlfriend that Sue probably wasn’t a match for Mike.
Many had trouble sympathizing with either the OP and his girlfriend, feeling the OP was being unnecessarily blunt, but his girlfriend shouldn’t have been so insistent on this setup.
“ESH.”
“‘I told my girlfriend I think she should not try to set them up together, and to just leave it alone, and if something happens between them, great, but not to push it’.”
“‘When she asked why, I said I just don’t think they are a comparable match’.”
“And that is where you should have ended that final statement.”- StAlvis
“ESH.”
“No one should be setting anyone up.”
“Your gf needs to stop interfering.”
“It’s not necessary for you to police whom might find who attractive, either.”- No_Apartment_4551
“ESH.”
“Your gf shouldn’t be trying to force a match, but you also don’t have the right to decide if Sue isn’t good enough for your friend.”
“Let people handle their feelings, she’s an adult and can deal with any crush disappointment herself.”
“You’re overstepping too. No need to ‘protect’ anyone here.”- LustyLittleNotes
Most, however, felt the OP was doing the right thing, and even if he could have chosen his words more carefully, he was only warning his girlfriend that this setup would not end well, and she should have listened.
“NTA.”
‘Redditors hold people to ridiculous impractical standards.”
“Mike is obviously attracted to certain types of girls and seemingly has success with them (i.e. likely not in some denial about his own level of attractiveness).”
“Sue is not that.”
“Mike is not obliged to be into Sue.”
“I am sure you can make the argument that it’s a shallow view to take, but that is just basic reality.”
“If they met without a setup and there were sparks then fine, it would be a happy exception, not something to force people into.”
“As for GF, she was setting Sue (and Mike) up for an extremely uncomfortable situation.”
“Nipping it in the bud was the right thing.”
“You should be able to have conversations like that with your partner and frankly I disagree with people saying you shouldn’t have explained why you didn’t think they would be a match.”
“It is totally valid reasoning and again, something you should be able to share with your partner.”-General_Penalty_4292
“Sometimes the comments on some of these posts make it obvious that there are a lot of teenagers or very young people on this subreddit.”
“People acting like you’re a jerk for considering physical attraction as an important factor in compatibility are either living in a fantasy world or haven’t been in enough relationships to understand that whether we like it or not, physical attraction matters.”
“Your friend has a history of dating fit, conventionally attractive women.”
“No matter how cool your girlfriend’s friend is personality-wise, that will not change the fact that she is not your friend’s type.”
“Period.”
“Even showing him a picture and asking would have put the friend in an awkward position of being honest and potentially being labeled an a**hole, or going along with it to be polite and ultimately resenting you.”
“Matchmaking within friend groups is tricky and can lead to serious strain in the friendship.”
“Your girlfriend should have dropped it when it was obvious you weren’t interested in talking about it, and she definitely should have dropped it after you said just to let it happen naturally if it’s going to happen at all.”
“You’re NTA.”- Lot48sToaster
“You are ABSOLUTELY NTA, and here’s why.”
“If Mike is ‘a big boy’ and can make his own decisions, so is Sue, and she can approach him herself.”
“If Mike is ‘a big boy’ and can make his own decisions, why is OP’s girlfriend trying to make a decision for him?”
“Your girlfriend isn’t Mike’s friend. Why does she think this is a good match?”
“You ARE Mike’s friend, you know better than your girlfriend what he would like.”
“You didn’t say ‘Mike will absolutely never get with your friend because he’s too good for an ugly girl like Sue’.”
“You said'”Leave it alone and. If something happens, great, but don’t push it’.”
“SHE pushed for more information after that.”
“Completely disregarding your comments on Sue’s appearance, their lifestyles are completely different and that’s a HUGE factor.”- Heartage
“NTA.”
“I had this situation happen to me with my partner.”
“I have a very attractive female friend; I know her lifestyle, her preferences, etc, and my partner has a male friend who isn’t someone that she would go for at all, appearance-wise and lifestyle.”
“If they met during a friendly gathering and hit it off, I would 100% support it, but I would never put her in a situation that could make her uncomfortable, nor would I want him to be in a situation where he might have expectations or get his hopes up due to the likely rejection.”
“If you cant be open and honest with her then I’d work on communication and also maybe ask her why her reaction to the potential rejection of her friend triggered her so much, maybe it’s a projection of her own insecurities.”- owlnamedjohn
The OP could have definitely chosen his words a bit more carefully.
He probably shouldn’t describe any woman, let alone a good friend of his girlfriend’s that he himself truly likes, in such a way.
However, as the OP knew that a romance between Sue and Mike would never happen, his girlfriend probably should have listened to that and moved on.
One can only hope that there will be no future “set-ups” between the friends of the OP and his girlfriend.