Bullying doesn’t always end with children in school. Some people carry it over into higher education or the workplace.
Organizations should have methods for addressing harassment, but sometimes students or employees don’t know the process.
But what about the family of the bully?
A 36-year-old man described himself as “viscerally disgusted” by his twin brother. Because his brother’s conduct upsets him so much, he decided not to invite him to a family event.
His decision didn’t go over well with his family members. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor AITAmedtwinwedding asked:
“AITA for not inviting my twin to my wedding ceremony because of his actions at work?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Me and my twin both studied in the same medical school after high school (I studied in Central Europe) and we were best buds until our clinical years.”
“At our clinical years, it started to change.”
“In clinical years,we had a female professor (66) in ICU and she was literally a mix of Gestapo and Stalin. She has always craved power and total dominancy in her clinic.”
“She is really good on her job and has serious landmark publications that affected guidelines in our medical school years. All of the medical students, her residents, her colleagues and staff hated her but had to endure her.”
“Me and my brother were in different rotations and I can easily say, she became his role model.”
“He started to act like her, constantly pressuring, acting like her mini version and she loved him as her little puppy (he changed his advisor to become her and he is the only one in the history that she advised, thank god).”
“It was purely dysfunctional and after a lot of complaints and beggings to speak with him, I did but it backfired and got worse. We had a big fight, separated our houses and our parents were confused but they did not pressure us.”
“When we were in residency, he stayed in her ICU and became her golden-boy. I ran away and moved to UK for residency, currently at Scotland.”
“He excelled really quickly, 5 SSCI published articles in his residency (first name in 2 of them) and more in his specialty, awards and projects, she really raised him as her successor and you can see that she crushed her other residents.”
“It was 2008 when we started our residency and mobbing in the medical community was not that outwardly spoken about (still need way more progress but it is better) so everyone sucked it up. My brother continued to study under her wings until last year she was retired.”
“After then, it was clear that he would get her place and he did in 2019 December and became way worse than her. I always had contacts in my old medical school and he is a little Mussolini.”
“Our contact was way lessened in the year and we do not talk to each other, other than medical emergencies or holidays. Our parents still do not know why we do not engage with each other until now.”
“For 11 years I am together with my boyfriend and we were not planning to get married until I was infected with you know what. I basically turned from ICU and I realised I want to be married.”
“I proposed and he said yes a month ago. A day later, I called my parents to give the news.”
“My fiancé has never met with my brother other than a wedding of my cousin and he knows why I hate him.”
“Well, I gave them the news and decided to say that I am not inviting my brother because I am viscerally disgusted from his personality and also his work ethics. They did not understand and blamed me for breaking the relationship over such a superificial issue.”
“For me, it is not.They said they will not come to my wedding until I invite him.”
“I am willing to go to the end but all of the other relatives, even my boyfriend says I should suck it up, let him come and endure him for a day.”
Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. ‘Suck it up and endure it for one day’ really shouldn’t apply on your WEDDING DAY.” ~ Cevanne46
“Agreed! One doesn’t want to look at their wedding photos and feel resentment, because someone is there who shouldn’t have been.” ~ theLPforearms
“NTA. This isn’t just one petty argument; this is something that’s spanned for years.”
“You disagree with him on something that is morally important to you, and that’s that. It’s your wedding, and I don’t even know why he would want to come if the feelings are mutual.”
“I understand why your parents are upset that their sons dont get along, but it’s not their place to make demands about something that’s this important to you.” ~ peachybirde
“NTA- Your wedding. Your guests.”
“Do what you want as long as you’re clear on what the fallout could be. (Like damaging your relationship with your parents.)” ~ Choactapus
“NTA. I don’t care how smart and successful he and his former advisor might be, but they should NOT be in the medical field if they’re that toxic. Just my opinion.”
“Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and on recovering from you-know-what!” ~ AuldLangSimone
The OP returned with an update.
“Well, we got eloped 7 days after this post. My talk with family did not go that well.”
“My dad interestingly understood and became content on the issue. He was ‘I would talk with your mom’ but my mom was another story.”
“She literally nuked the relationship we have. After an hour of shouting and my fiancé seeing all of this, we decided not to invite her but it came to my dad could not leave my mom alone.”
“So we decided to elope since my fiancé only has his brother can attend to ceremony and my extended family is off limits.”
“I acted proactively though on my brother’s work place. I reached out to one of his junior residents who reached out to me before (4 monthish ago) about him and helped him to file a rigorous complain to their dean.”
“My brother is currently in an investigation and it is looking certain that he is gonna lose his chief status. They also asked him to get into therapy and I hope it will make good outcomes on him (current dean was a specialist while I was a resident and he informally called me).”
“Honestly, I do not have high hopes but I hope he improves.”
Redditors generally feel people can invite and not invite whoever they want to their wedding.
The OP was no exception.