After turning 18, most of us can remember the first night that we went out with friends.
Undoubtedly, our experiences would be a mixture of wonderful, fun, and absolutely cringe-worthy, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor NoMuscle3482 was pleasantly surprised when her two younger sisters wanted to come visit her and also go out to a bar with her.
But when the experience was different than they expected, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when they blamed her for it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for not warning my sisters to change their outfits before going out, resulting in them getting unwanted attention from guys?”
The OP had two younger, “sheltered” twin sisters.
“I’m 26 (Female), and I have two younger twin sisters that are 19 (Female).”
“They have always been ‘weird twins’ and have kept themselves pretty sheltered. They don’t date, they don’t really have any friends except for each other, they still live at home with our parents, and they have shown no interest in going to university or anything like that.”
“They do have jobs, but in pretty much every other way, they act a lot younger than 19.”
The OP was surprised when her sisters expressed an interest in going out.
“So it was a big surprise when they asked to come to visit me this weekend (I live in a city a few hours away from our hometown) and said they wanted to go out to a bar for the first time.”
“I took this as their way of telling me that they wanted to ‘grow up’ a little, especially after they got here and I saw the clothes they were putting on to go to the bar.”
“These were the skimpiest outfits that I’ve ever seen them wear, miniskirts and tube tops.”
“I thought they both looked really good, and I assumed they had chosen those outfits purposefully to get attention. I don’t mean that as an insult; I thought, ‘good for them.'”
But going to the bar was nothing like the twins expected.
“We went out to the bar, and predictably, a lot of guys immediately started flirting with my sisters and offering to buy them drinks.”
“They did not like the attention AT ALL, and after one guy made a dumb comment about them being twins, they got very upset and asked me if we could leave.”
“I said sure and asked if they wanted to go to a different bar nearby.”
“They asked if we could just go home.”
“I said we could go home if they really wanted to, but that maybe they should just change their outfits, and then we could go back out.”
“They asked why I let them go out dressed that way if I thought their outfits were the reason guys were being so s**tty.”
“I said that I thought they wanted guys to talk to them and dressed like that on purpose.”
The twins blamed the OP for their experience.
“They got offended and said that obviously, they were just trying to look cute and that I should’ve warned them that they overdid it.”
“We went home and they didn’t really talk to me much the rest of the night, and then they left the next morning.”
“They’re still upset with me for ruining their first time going out to a bar.”
The OP felt conflicted about what happened.
“This happened over the weekend and I didn’t think I was the a**hole, but now that it’s been a couple of days and both my sisters are still mad at me, I’m not sure anymore.”
“I assumed it was obvious, but maybe that was stupid because I know how sheltered they are.”
“So AITA for not explaining to my sisters that their outfits were going to get them a lot of male attention?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the OP was not wrong to let her sisters wear what they wanted.
“NTA. And honestly, I feel like you couldn’t win in this situation. If you had mentioned something about the clothes before going out, they would probably have gotten defensive, and accused you of shaming them.”
“They need to learn these lessons on their own, I don’t think you could have explained the experience of unwanted male attention in a meaningful way.” – schmemily99
“You were really in a no-win situation there. At least in this situation, you were there to step in and help them had they needed it.” – Linzeh13
“NAH. If they were that surprised, I don’t think there’s anything you could have told them beforehand that would have really gotten the message through to them.” – seriouslytopsyturvy
“Given that lots of media oversexualize women and equate skimpy clothing with ‘hotness,’ unless you have some social context, it’s easy to think all attractive women at bars wear skimpy clothes.”
“There’s nothing wrong with being willing to rock a crop top and a micro mini, but since they have little experience dealing with creepy stares/come-ons, I’m sure it was a bit traumatic.”
“Still, NTA, because it’s not like OP set them up by suggesting the clothes or misleading them. If they asked for advice, she just assumed that they knew what they were doing.” – RainbowCrane
“What??? They didn’t get harassed and assaulted?? They had some guys flirt with them and they all seemed to leave once the twins didn’t reciprocate, and at the worst, they received some unwelcome comments about being twins because s**tty people will be s**tty no matter how you dress.”
“OP clearly did not intend for her sisters to get harassed, it’s entirely fair for her to think they wanted to go flirt and mingle at a bar.”
“OP assumed they were wanting to get out of their shell and mingle with people and they were dressed appropriately for such an occasion. The only AH here were the weirdos making comments about them being twins.”
“NAH.” – frog_a_hoppin_along
“Absolutely NAH except for the a**hole guys.”
“Unfortunately, it’s a reality where some men (‘not all men’ but still too many) think showing any sort of skin is an invitation.”
“The girls are young and just wanted to look cute. You are older and know how creepy men are and assumed they knew that too and therefore must have done it on purpose to get attention.”
“They are offended by that because they did not want the attention, are upset by the attention, and feel like you’re blaming them for the behavior of s**tty men.” – animestory99
Others wondered why the OP’s sisters didn’t accept responsibility for their own outfits.
“If they weren’t sure of what to wear, they ought to have asked you if what they picked out was appropriate. Especially since it was their first time going out, you’d think they’d want to check with someone more knowledgeable.” – Legitimate-Chart-289
“Does sheltered mean they don’t take any responsibility for their own lives??”
“Are they so sheltered that they don’t even know they’re sheltered?”
“This whole post and posts like it are mind-boggling to me. Are we really so willing to put our safety, well-being, and financial stability in the hands of others? All so we have someone to BLAME when stuff goes wrong??”
“Where is their adult, 19-year-old responsibility for knowing how to take care of themselves?”
“And how did they get to be this sheltered??” – KeepLkngForIntllgnce
“NTA. By ‘sheltered,’ do you mean ‘never heard of boys?’ I’d assume like you did that at 19, they can dress themselves.” – outpostroad
“There will always be some s**tty guys trying to pick them up no matter what they wear.”
“Men shouldn’t assume how ‘open’ the girl is based on the outfit, but the AHs usually do, so it gets even worse.”
“This was a good lesson for them since their sister was there to watch over them.” – National-Platypus144
“NTA. I mean it’s a bar. Full of drunk men. Yeah, I get it that we girls wear outfits for our liking, blah blah blah, but realistically it is a bar.”
“A place where people drink, flirt, and have fun. I wonder how sheltered are they that they didn’t know what people at a bar would act like.”
“Just let your sisters be. They will learn.” – Spiritual_Pizza_9601
“Bars are known for this though. I’d say differently if it was any other setting but it doesn’t sound like the men were doing much out of what was considered ok or to be expected.”
“This wasn’t the best setting for them at all if this wasn’t in their comfort zone. Maybe next time they should go to a sit-down place or a bowling alley with a bar. People are much less likely to approach them.”
“The twins comment was gross though.” – BooksAndStarsLover
“They took initiative to ask to come up, for a weekend, ask to go to a bar, picked their clothing and for all that initiative and Op feeling ‘good for them,’ it was wise to question their clothing?”
“They took the initiative. They are the adults. Op took them home when they wanted. Op is NTA here.” – Naijprincess
The subReddit was just as surprised as the OP to see how surprised her sisters were to receive attention for their outfits, and that they were later angry with the OP for not warning them.
But in hindsight, if the OP had tried to talk to them about it beforehand, or even suggested they wear something different, that surely would have had a negative impact, as well.