We’ve all heard of twin relationships, and from sweet to overbearing to downright creepy, we all know how close twins can be.
But celebrating “twinness” and “twinning” stops being cute when it crosses boundaries and potentially ruins relationships, pointed out the perturbed members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Famous-Map7544 was a twenty-five-year-old twin and loved her sister dearly, and they were in the habit of regularly joking around with each other about being twins.
But when her sister started pranking her and her fiancé, trying to present herself as her, the Original Poster (OP) knew she had to set new boundaries before she got married.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for telling my twin sister it’s not funny that she wore my potential wedding dress?”
The OP was in the process of picking out the perfect wedding dress.
“I (25 Female) have a twin sister who gets a kick out of our twinness.”
“I’m engaged, and I was wedding dress shopping. There was a dress I liked, but wasn’t sure if it was the one.”
The OP’s sister decided to commit a very complicated and hurtful prank.
“My sister decided to commit to the most expensive joke ever, as she got the dress I was looking at, and she wore it in front of my fiancé (28 Male) while he was having dinner at home.”
“My fiancé can tell us apart, but if it had been the wedding dress I wanted, it would have been like the groom seeing the bride before the wedding, glitch-in-the-Matrix style.”
Both sisters had enjoyed joking around as twins, but this time, the OP’s sister went too far.
“We have done silly things, using our twinness for a joke. There is a history of this. But this time felt disrespectful.”
“This mirrored a joke she had previously done. She had worked out in my gym clothes, and then she stretched in front of my guy (at the time, he was just a boyfriend) when he was having dinner in the living room.”
“That one was mostly harmless, though I felt bad that I because that joke made him genuinely uncomfortable. He knew it was her, and I had expected him to realize.”
The OP’s sister tried to apologize, but the OP wasn’t having it.
“When I confronted her, my sister told me it wasn’t just for a joke. She tried to say that she also got the dress in case I wanted it. We wear the same size.”
“I told her, no, thank you, and I also said it’s not funny that she wore my potential wedding dress. I told her I would have been heartbroken if I had my mind set on that dress.”
The OP wondered if she was being too harsh.
“She actually started crying, and she apologized. She said she thought I would find it funny.”
“Both my sister and I have each used our twinness for jokes before. I can kinda understand why she would think I would find it funny. But this one was too much of an extreme version of what we did. This one didn’t feel harmless. I’m hoping it’s just a case of her being immature.”
“Am I the a**hole?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed with the OP that the jokes with her husband had gone too far.
“Her being inappropriate in front of your fiancé isn’t a joke. She needs to learn boundaries.”
“I know twins are closer than close, but it doesn’t extend to OTHER PEOPLE, and it doesn’t extend to situations that are hurtful. She needs to think about how things are going to play out and stop acting like she’s 12.”
“Is she dating? It sounds like she is likely jealous of your relationship with your fiancé and can’t control herself. She needs to realize that even though y’all are twins, there are still lines that shouldn’t be crossed.”
“You are adults now, and others are involved, and the stakes are different.” – OriginalReddKatt
“Are you not aware of the whole ‘the groom can’t see the bride’s wedding dress before the wedding’ thing? It doesn’t matter that it was not the bride but the bride’s twin. She wore the potential wedding dress in front of her twin’s fiancé and gave him a preview of what the dress would look like on his actual bride.” – CATastrophicXY
“She purposely wore it in front of him so you couldn’t wear it. She seems to want to be you instead of it just being a prank. She was hoping he’d go for it. NTA.” – babcock27
“I get twins joke around, but this ain’t high school anymore. Some stuff’s just off limits, and she should know that by the age of 25. The f**k? NTA.” – Used-Perspective-119
“What people think is funny or a joke these days is beyond me. Apparently, a person can say or do the most cruel things, but as long as they say it’s a joke, then it’s all okay.” – Useless890
Others didn’t even know what the joke was supposed to be in the first place.
“Ask her, what exactly was the joke here? That if you did want the dress, she had ruined it by allowing your fiancé to see it? That your fiancé might think she was you and do… something?”
“Either she ruined the surprise of the dress or tried to get your fiancé to cheat. None of this was for your benefit.” – mango1588
“What was her end goal? Did she want to have sex with him? Was her plan to get him aroused and then laugh in his face and tell him that she wasn’t OP? Or to get upset that he didn’t know it was her?”
“Assuming that the goal wasn’t sex or intimacy with him, her goal was to cause him discomfort. That’s creepy and kind of violating.” – SquirrelGirlVA
“Seriously, like, what part of that was supposed to be funny?? If my sister pulled this, I’d be rethinking letting her near the cake table.” – Hungry_Campaign1325
“Wait, why does she keep trying to be you in front of your boyfriend? Stretching in front of him in your clothes? Wearing a potential wedding dress you liked? Maybe it’s a twin thing, but I don’t get what’s funny (or harmless) in this.” – Arqueen_Marille
“There isn’t a tradition of it being bad luck to see the girlfriend in gym clothes.”
“There IS one where it is bad luck for the groom to see the bride in the wedding dress, and to keep what dress the bride chose a secret (unless she is wearing a family heirloom or something like that).”
“How is it funny that she ruined that? If it WAS your dress choice, why would you want your fiancé to see it for the second time on you instead of your twin sister?”
“OP, she may not even realize this, but I suspect there is a little jealousy at play here. Either jealous that you are engaged or jealous of your fiancé (a feeling that he’s replacing her, etc.).”
“I’d be sensitive to this if your relationship with her is important to you, but I’d password-protect everything and keep the dress a secret from now on. Only let her participate in things your fiance is also involved in, like food choices, etc.” – GroovyYaYa
Some urged the OP to set boundaries before it harmed her future marriage.
“There are some lines you just don’t cross. Is she maybe feeling a bit extra possessive because you’re getting married?” – angel9_writes
“If your fiancé had posted about this situation, I assure you, people would be telling him to be really concerned about the boundaries you two lack.”
“Like, I know you posted this because you were annoyed, but you’re also making excuses for her and are downplaying this, because… twins.” – echoish
“Your sister is like, ‘LOL! JUST KIDDING, SIS! I ONLY TRIED TO SEDUCE YOUR HUSBAND AS A MASSIVE JOKE BECAUSE WE USE OUR TWINNNESS AS A JOKE, LOLOLOLOL, ISN’T IT FUNNY THAT HE ALMOST FELL FOR IT?!'”
“Girl, lay out some boundaries NOW. I sense trouble in your future.” – MamaOnica
“Do you think you’ve maybe been desensitized by her not-so-harmless jokes that you don’t realize how messed up it is?”
“Sure, pranking other people by pretending to be each other can be a twin thing, but wearing your workout clothes and stretching in front of your SO is weird as f**k. Wearing a possible wedding dress in front of your fiancé is TOXIC as f**k.”
“It’s NOT normal. Boundaries, man…” – kimchibetches
“There’s more to this than OP thinks. Sister is getting to show what her sister’s fiancé could have, if he chooses her.”
“Like, ‘Look at me, all supple and flexy, same but better than what you already have.’ ‘Look at me in a wedding dress that I could wear to mark the beginning of our future…'”
“The poor fiancé. The OP needs to block this now.” – Mouse589
“Can’t you see what’s happening? Your sister is jealous of your relationship, and she is trying to seduce your boyfriend! Wake up and smell the fresh-brewed! You’re worried about her feelings, and she is trying to undermine you.”
“You need to really stop and evaluate your relationship with her because you’re trying to build a life with someone, and she is consciously trying to undermine it. I bet there are more examples of this if you dig deep and think about it.” – PunIntended1234
The subReddit was left shocked and side-eyeing the OP’s sister and the situation she was creating for the OP and the OP’s fiancé.
It was one thing to joke around in playful ways, but changing clothes and even buying a wedding dress to wear in front of the OP’s fiancé was going to another, not-joking-at-all level. It was incredibly performative, and toxically performative, as well.
The OP needed to set firm boundaries with her sister, long before her wedding, so that her sister couldn’t ruin her wedding day with a “harmless prank,” or worse, the future of her marriage.