I hate to be a stereotypical woman, but I love true crime.
Movies, TV shows, miniseries… I can’t get enough. It’s my go to noise to play in the background while I work.
As such, certain first names might make me think of an infamous crime or criminal. Names like Ed (Gein), Sharon (Tate), Ted (Bundy), Dennis (Rader), or Jeffrey (Dahmer).
A dismayed parent turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback over their true crime loving wife’s choice of children’s names.
SpokaneIll asked:
“AITA for my reaction to my wife giving our twin sons true crime-related names?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My wife has a slightly irritating true crime hobby. It’s one of those hobbies we keep separate from our relationship.”
“For the most part, she’s normal about it and knows when to bring it up. I’m only reminded of it when she’s around another ‘aficionado’.”
“We had twins earlier this year. There were some negotiations about the names.”
“I know at the end of the day, she’s the one doing the hard work and has the final say, but she was inclined to eccentric, potentially life-ruining names that I had to talk her out of.”
“One day she came to me with two surprisingly ordinary names. And named separately, no one would bat an eye at either one. In fact, no one batted an eye until recently.”
“We were visiting family and she was showing off the kids when my sister-in-law (brother’s wife) took me aside and said ‘Are you serious? You named your twins after *them?*’.”
“The names are Dylan and Eric—the Columbine shooters. I had no idea, I hadn’t made the connection until that moment. I’m lucky she didn’t name our other son Lyle… Separately they are fine but together it is a striking combination.”
“When I got home, I confronted her and demanded we change the names.”
“She said it was just coincidence and that maybe subconsciously she paired the names, but the names are common. Changing them would be a hassle and draw even more attention to it in the first place.”
“I said we can simply explain we hadn’t made the connection at the time and decided to change it as soon as we realized. After all, my sister-in-law already said something! She won’t budge and I find it concerning.”
“Am I wrong?”
The OP summed up their situation.
“I wonder if wanting an official name change is overreacting, and I might be an a**hole because the names are pretty innocuous.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. Sure, Dylan and Eric are perfectly normal names, but the fact she wants to name them after the murderers makes them very weird.”
“Why on earth would you want to honor mass shooters with your babies’ names? No way in hell would I allow this.” ~ Far_Quantity_6133
“Oof, Dylan and Eric are normal names by themselves. Dylan and Eric together and my mind goes direct to Columbine, and I’m not a true crime aficionado.”
“Also there’s murder and then there’s shooting up your school at age 17 and murdering ~15 classmates and teachers in cold blood and injuring many others… what they did is a special level of evil.”
“Most names from true crime aren’t recognisable to most people… Dylan and Eric are known across America (and the world) for the Columbine High School massacre. There’s no escaping it.”
“I was expecting some kind of obscure names that were maybe not related to each other… I actually gasped when I read Eric and Dylan. Just wow.” ~ katiehates
“I watch zero true crime but absolutely knew these names from Columbine. Didn’t take more than one second for me to go ‘oh, NOOOO’.”
“Columbine has become a blue print for school shooters. It’s studied.”
“The library footage is banned from YouTube every other week because people want to watch it. Extremely terrible thing to be named after. Highly inappropriate.” ~ arightgoodworkman
“I’m Australian and was 16 when Columbine happened. I knew instantly who it was.” ~ Lozzanger
“Same here on all points. OP, I think her naming them after murderers in general is concerning enough to be a hill to die on, but these specific names (for TWINS—names that will often be lumped together in life) are insane.”
“I’m shocked your SIL was the first to mention it. Honestly, I’d assume that far more people clocked it, but it seemed too insane to mention.”
“NTA.Everyone in these children’s lives will know they’re named after school mass shooters and that’s an awful thing to do to your children. These are ‘life-ruining names’.” ~ CP81818
“Even if everyone in these infants lives doesn’t make the connection, eventually these kids will be enrolled in school. Educators are pretty sure to make the connection.”
“Do you really want every teacher and school administrator in your children’s lives to think their parents were fans of big news making pair of school shooters? NTA.” ~ MohawMais
“I like true crime, but I would never name my kids after murderers. That’s really f*cking creepy. Does she fan girl over serial killers?”
“Does she want your kids to grow up knowing they were named after the Columbine shooters? Even if it’s coincidence, it’s really weird that she’s resisting the change. NTA.” ~ Wren1101
“People who like true crime only to crush on the murderers are f*cked up. For me, the fascination with true crime is the horror and the fact that monsters live among us.”
“Why are people crushing on the monsters? Does OP’s wife have the hots for Hitler, Stalin, and Genghis Khan, too?” ~ old_vegetables
“Columbine happened the year my younger sibling was born. It was only 25 years ago- there are people alive today who were there, who remember the day, who saw the bodies, who cleaned up the blood.”
“Not only is it real life, it was real lives.”
“These names will make it seem like you and your wife have no empathy. What a way to take a steaming sh*t on the memory of the victims.”
“OP, if there was ever a time for an ultimatum, this would be it. Don’t let your kids grow up associated with a nightmare. NTA.” ~ WadeStockdale
“I had a classmate in grad school who had been a student there when the shooting occurred. They weren’t even in the building at the time, but the trauma was still so present, decades later.”
“NTA. I gasped when I saw the names. OP’s spouse is so utterly wrong, and I am concerned for those babies future.” ~ reallifecleric
“I asked my husband, who is not at all into true crime, ‘if someone named their kids Dylan and Eric, would that mean anything to you?’ And he looked at me like I had sprouted a second head and asked why the F someone would name their kids after the Columbine shooters.”
“I gave him no context other than the question. It’s likely that no one their age will make the connection, but there are plenty of people around who will—including parents of their future friends and every teacher they get. NTA.” ~ Mystchelle
“I think this is a perfect example of how bad this could be for the kids if the names don’t change. Just the replies here show that there are possibly a lot of factors that influence whether someone recognises the pairing straight off.”
“Certain age, location, crime buff, avid documentary enjoyer.. There isn’t an avoidable pattern and it could be pointed out at any time.”
“Not to mention how this is ‘gasp worthy’ gossip that would spread through a school, office, dorm in next to no time. It would be such a f*cked up position to be in as a kid if everyone was talking about how you and your brother are named after the Columbine shooters.”
“The wife can say it’s not ‘after’ them and it’s just about the names on their own, but that isn’t what others will say behind the kids’ backs, probably some to their faces.”
“NTA, and I don’t know why this hasn’t been said much, but the wife probably needs a mental assessment or intervention after this was pointed out to her. There’s a line and this selfish ‘naivety’ is way over it no matter what her true intentions are/were.” ~ Fawkesistherealhero
“Like, naming your kids something related to what you love can be endearing, but this is not that. This is asking to be in the local news as a disturbing fluff piece, or being looked at if (God forbid) there’s a shooting in your area.”
“I know someone who named their kids unique videogame names and they had CPS called for a mental evaluation when the school PTA found out. The characters were even heroes in the games.”
“Imagine what PTA moms would do if they connected the dots? Chances are they will. NTA.” ~ StrongNovel7707
“I work in education and I would be uneasy about a parent conference for parents who selected these names, not gonna lie. NTA.” ~ Ok_Stable7501
“There’s no way my kids would ever be allowed to go to little Dylan and Eric’s house. Not because the kids, but because I know there’s something fundamentally wrong with at least one of the parents. NTA.” ~ snowwhite2591
It sounds like OP got his answer.
Many people are going to make a connection between his children and one of the worst school shootings in world history.
Asking for a name change to spare his children this stigma is perfectly reasonable.