For the most part, parents want to keep their kids safe. This leads to the rules they implement, but are they always right?
When a father tried to make a rule for his daughter’s boyfriend, he caused an issue. The Redditor, Antique_Side, felt he was justified, but his daughter is barely speaking to him.
The original poster (OP) decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgement on what they did.
OP asked the question:
“AITA for making my daughter’s boyfriend sleep on the floor?”
What were the other alternatives?
“My (49M) daughter (18F) and her boyfriend (19M) were going to a theme park on a saturday and she asked me if he could sleep on our house because it was closer to the park and was more practical.”
“I talk with my wife and she was okay with it. I said that it was fine but he should sleep on the couch.”
“My wife was against that because the couch is expensive. She told me that my daughter has been on contraceptive pills for a few months and that shocked me.”
“I didn’t want to ruin their plans so I found an old sleeping bag of mine and put it on the floor of the living room for him to sleep.”
“My daughter was upset and told me that I was being inmature. Her boyfriend didn’t complained. I don’t have any problems with him, I just wanted my daughter to be safe.”
“He used the bag and they went out the next day without problem but my daughter has been acting distant since that day and when I asked her about it she told me that I should stop acting like she is a little girl. My wife also belives I acted badly with our daughter. Am I the a**hole?”
OP felt his solution was the best compromise, but the daughter and wife disagree. Was OP wrong to have the boyfriend sleep on the floor?
The AITA commenters judge OP by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Commenters were divided. While OP’s final judgement was that he was wrong, many other commenters understood the reasonings on both sides of the conversation.
OP may be wrong, but some people will disagree.
“YTA If you aren’t going to give him a decent place to sleep just ask them not to stay over.”
“When she asked if he could sleep in your house i asume she meant IN A BED.”
“Dogs sleep on the floor…” – bob3725
“I mean I personally am against letting couples sleep apart (especially if there is BC) but that’s beside the point.”
“Yes a sleeping bag is made to sleep in. On an air matress or something. The couch is too expensive for him to sleep??”
“It’s degrading to let a person sleep on the floor. Even cats and dogs get beds, why a human not?? Treat him with some more respect.”
“Your daughter is 18. What’s gonna happen is gonna happen. She at least is careful. Have some faith in her.” – Parttime-Princess
“NAH. Just because your daughter is sleeping with her boyfriend doesn’t mean you have to be expected to feel instantly comfortable with this happening under your roof.”
“Your wife really should have updated you on them sleeping together beforehand. but now you know, hopefully you can relax the rules a bit once you’ve got used to it.” – Yikes44
“It’s your house and I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend at that age.”
“I do have some issues with your post, though. Her being on birth control shouldn’t be ‘shockingly’, though. She’s 18, and it should please you she’s being careful.”
“I also don’t like how you think she’s safer with him on the floor. That’s a bit strange.” – smelly-roommate
“She is probably mad because it’s embarassing that you ‘forced’ him to sleep on the floor. Either because it’s embarrassing that you would hint at them having sex, or that she felt that he wasn’t as welcome in the house.”
“I know you want her to be safe, probably don’t want or think about them having sex, but it’s not like having him sleep on the floor is going to do anything but making it seem like he’s not welcome to sleep there.”
“Letting him sleep on the floor isn’t going to keep your daughter safe. The bed floor is for sleeping and while they’re awake they’re awake.”
“YTA because it’s not going to ‘solve’ any issues you have, only embarrass your daughter and her boyfriend.” – haveitgood
Some of the comments talked about the cultural difference in how this was handled and viewed by the family. On one hand, the dad found a compromise. On the other hand, the daughter is a grown adult.
There are definitely other angles.
“YTA for deciding to just impose your own parenting. Listen to your wife for God’s sakes, and respect her as an equal.”
“Also, your daughter is 18, she’s having sex with him and you need to come to terms with that. Putting him in the living room is pointless.” – jbh01
“He didn’t want the bf to sleep in their daughters room, his wife didn’t want him on the couch, his daughter didn’t want him to be too far away from the park.”
“From where I’m sitting, the sleeping bag solution accounts for all 3 of their wants. That’s the definition of a compromise.” – Apprehensive-Sun-358
“This is a cultural thing surely. I would have no issues sleeping on the floor.” – baron_warden
“Jesus. I get that you don’t want them sleeping together under your roof, but let the man sleep on the couch. ESH for you and your wife.” – karskipellis
“NTA you didn’t make your daughter’s boyfriend sleep on the floor, your wife did. You wanted him to sleep on the couch.”
“Just because she’s a legal adult and on the pill, doesn’t mean you have to let her have sleepovers. Tell your daughter she is acting like a little girl by pouting about it and being distant.”
“I’m about 10 years younger than you and my oldest will be 18 in a few weeks. We’ve had talks, offered condoms if needed, and try and be there for any questions.”
“But they know there aren’t any significant other sleepovers for a long time. They will be graduating in May and living here rent free for the foreseeable future. There will still be house rules.” – RandomSleepyPanda
“I just don’t get this. It implies sex is a shameful thing. I get not having a revolving door of one night stands, but if they have a partner why can’t they sleep in the same bed?”
“It just all seems to be based on the premise that sex is somehow inherently bad and wrong. Maybe it’s a cultural thing, I don’t know.”
“Like let’s say when your kids buy their own homes, and you head over to visit with your partner and stay the night. Is it cool if the kid is like ‘I’m afraid you’re sleeping in separate beds this evening. Sex is fine and all but I’m not even risking you doing it under my roof’.”
“I’m not being facetious but I honestly don’t get it.” – sweetdeereynoldzzz
OP should have a conversation with his daughter and wife about what each of them thinks and the expectations going forward. If OP is set on limiting his daughter’s sexual activity under his roof, he’s going to have to explain it.
On the other hand, OP’s wife should probably say where she stands. Why was she against the boyfriend sleeping on the couch?
It’s a strange situation.