Parenting is difficult enough, but marrying and becoming a part of a “blended” family might be all the more difficult.
One woman experienced this years ago when she married her husband, who had children from a previous marriage, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor AmandlyWhyne was surprised, however, when she shared her true feelings about it with her sister.
After seeing her sister’s reaction, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have approached the situation differently.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for being honest with my sister that I would not become a stepmother again if I knew how it would be?”
The OP became a stepmother 17 years ago.
“My younger sister (26 [female]) is dating a man who has two kids with an ex.”
“I (46 [female]) have been with my husband for more than 17 years. When we met he was a divorced dad of [two]. My stepkids are now adults, my husband is a grandfather, and I can honestly say it has not been easy, and I don’t think it was the perfect role for me.”
“I love my family, so I wouldn’t walk away from them now, but I also know there has been more heartbreak in our family lifetime than there has been heartwarming. I say this even with two wonderful children out of it and a happy marriage outside of it.”
“I was always the outsider, never really considered family by my stepkids, I’m not grandma while my husband is grandpa.”
“And even though there is no tension or fighting, just indifference, I’m not the kind of person who can’t have their heartbreak a little more realizing even after all these years they could walk away from me easily.”
“And while they’re not awful to my bios, they definitely don’t include them as siblings the way they do each other. It’s tough.”
“I don’t think I was the best suited to that side of this.”
When her sister asked about her experiences, the OP decided to be honest.
“So anyway, my sister and I always promised each other honesty. I’m so much older than her, and I tried to baby her a bit too much when she was a lot younger, which she hated.”
“So when she asked me did I have any regrets and would I do it again, I was honest.”
“And when she asked me if I thought she would be able for it I was also honest, that I don’t think she is, because she’s even more sensitive than I am, and she’s already going in with expectations that might not be met.”
“And now she’s mad and said I was an a**hole and I should have lied.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some agreed how difficult it can be to find your place as a stepmother.
“NTA. You stated all your reasons so beautifully and I felt the same way with my stepchild. I met them when they were 7 and now they are off in college.”