Working through your marriage will often involve getting to the root of some arguments.
Are you upset that your significant other is working so much? Or do you just miss seeing them?
Are you nitpicking how they do the dishes, or do you just want them to do it right the first time?
Redditor dumbargument was in a disagreement with their wife over headphones. Wife wants to use them, but the original poster (OP) doesn’t want to share all the time.
If there’s one place petty squabbles can be resolved, it’s the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
OP asked:
“AITA for not letting my wife use my headphones?”
Why doesn’t OP want to share their headphones?
“This might be the dumbest argument my wife and I have had yet. I (29NB) have a nice pair of expensive headphones. My wife (35F) asks frequently to use them.”
“I often say yes. Sometimes she uses them without asking and, truthfully, she uses them more than me because she plays video games more than I do. Sometimes, though, I say no.”
“I am very particular about my things. I don’t like for my stuff to be used because they inevitably stop being mine.”
“The iPad I bought for myself is now the family iPad. My laptop was my son’s laptop for school when virtual classes started. My PS4 is my son’s PS4 & I have to give up my disk space so he can play co-op games with my wife or his friends.”
“So I’m a bit stingy with the headphones.”
“On top of that, every time she uses them, she just leaves them in the floor. I have nearly stepped on them so many times and I hate that she won’t put them back on their stand when she’s done.”
“Luckily we have another, cheaper pair of headphones. My wife hates using them.”
“Tonight was one of the nights I didn’t feel like sharing mine and she snapped at me how she thinks its ridiculous that I don’t let her use my stuff because she used to let me use her headphones all the time. She lost the charging cord to those and they disappeared in a move.”
“I said that just because she was fine with sharing her things doesn’t mean I’m obligated to do the same and that it’s not fair to call me names because she’s upset. It devolved into a big fight and now we’re not talking and I’m trying to figure out how I got to this point with her.”
“She sees absolutely no flaw in her logic and maintains that I’m at fault. I’ll admit that there’s nothing stopping her from using them right now. I’m not using them; I just don’t want her to use them right now.”
“so AITA for not sharing my things with my spouse?”
It seems a little silly, but sometimes we get stuck on silly things in defining ourselves. But OP’s wife should also understand the headphones aren’t hers to use whenever.
To determine who is at fault in this argument, the AITA board votes based on different comments.
These are as follows:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
While headphones might seem like a strange place to draw the line in the sand, they belong to OP who is within their rights to say no.
Add in the fact that OP’s wife doesn’t seem to treat things very well, what with losing her own headphones and leaving OP’s on the ground, and it’s a pretty solid reasoning to not let her borrow them.
The board voted that OP was NTA.
“NTA. She’s not taking care of an expensive item that you bought for yourself. Tell her that straight out if it continues to be an issue” – BlorpBlarp
“NTA. What clinches it is ‘every time she uses them, she just leaves them on the floor’. That alone is good enough reason for you to not let her use your headphones; she disrespects them and may well break them through carelessness.”
“The whole sharing vs. not sharing thing – I’m basically ignoring because I’m undecided on it. I see both points of view there. And, like I say, it’s not even necessary to go there; because you’ve already got good enough reason.”
“But, obviously that’s ignoring what the argument is really about. So, fwiw I do think it’s a little weird to not share with your close family.”
“BUT, A) You already do share a lot of stuff, it sounds like. To the point that you’re not even able to use your own stuff. It’s giving more than sharing. So, keeping one thing ‘just for me’ and being reasonable about explaining why; that seems fair.”
“And B) If people don’t respect your stuff, that’s a good enough reason to veto their use of it.” – jfartster
“My partner has done this on multiple occasions, where he will borrow something that is mine, but he won’t return it. When I ask him he tells me he hasn’t used it and he doesn’t know where it is.”
“So then I have to go hunt it down and find said item.”
“Your wife should respect that some things are going to be just yours, and if she wants new headphones so badly, she can go out and get herself a pair that she likes best.”
“NTA” – AndreaVanCanuck
“NTA – But get her, her own set. It’s not worth arguing about.” – Utzah
However, the sentiment that OP should just buy their wife her own headphones was a pretty common comment. It seems like it’d be the easiest answer, but buying another expensive item can require budgeting.
It’s understandable why OP might not have jumped to that answer.
“haha lol NTA. but buy ur wife some headphones tomorrow…better to make peace then keep arguing over the same thing….”
“Seems pointless and waste of energy might be worth the money to avoid the pain and im sure u will make her happy. and you will be happy too.” – ebbbb1
“You are probably right.”
You know that episode of Spongebob where he treks all the way across a deserted expanse to deliver a pizza to a man who then becomes outraged at the lack of a drink?”
“I just built my wife a $3000 gaming pc and her complaining about the headphones sounds a lot like ‘My diet Dr. Kelp?!’ to me.”
“I know that’s in no way necessary to relay here but it’s not like I can tell her ‘you know, you’re being just like that guy in Spongebob season 1 episode 5.’” – dumbargument (OP)
The comment to recommend OP buys their wife her own set of headphones got to OP, and they decided that was probably for the best.
They posted a few updates explaining why they didn’t initially, and what they’re doing now.
“EDIT: Hey just because I’ve already gotten several ‘just buy her headphones’ responses. I have bought her a pair only to return them because she didn’t like them.”
“We have another pair that just aren’t as nice as mine. The pair that got lost was a second pair after she wore out her first pair. She is fully capable of buying her own, but frugality is important right now during the Panasonic.”
“EDIT 2: We’re getting a divorce over this. Kidding, I did exactly what many of you said and explained how I felt about my personal items being mistreated and we both apologized.”
“Consensus seems to be to just buy her her own pair and be done with it. I can do that. Also I appreciate the honest criticism, but a few are taking this and running with it to make other assumptions out of nowhere.”
“It’s a Pamplemousse; tensions are high and it gets the better of us sometimes.”
“EDIT 3: Yes, we are both neurodivergent. What gave it away?”
There’s something kind of nice about only having to deal with dumb arguments like this. OP picked a very appropriate moniker.
Seriously though, these little discussions can feel bigger than they really are, and for some people it may be the principle of the matter that leads to them drawing out a fight.
Taking a step back, and even asking for help can make it a little clearer when it’s really not worth it to keep fighting over something so silly.