Showing up unannounced is rude, bringing a guest without disclosing it is just as disrespectful.
When someone offers to cook dinner for you there is a set amount expected to be needed. And, there are dietary restrictions that are meant to be followed.
Redditor IcyReference_ encountered this very issue with their sister. So they turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for moral judgment.
“AITA for not making vegan food for my sister’s surprise guest?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So, I cooked dinner for the family today and my sister had a guest over. I was told to make whatever I wanted for the family (my parents, myself, my brother and my sister).”
“The food I made was roast beef and mashed potatoes for a Sunday night.”
“At dinner time, my sister brought a surprise guest over for dinner. I had no idea, and I also had no idea that she was a vegan.”
“My sister ended up making a big fuss that I didn’t make vegan food for her surprised guest that I met for the very first time. My parents were a little upset as well.”
“They said, ‘go and cook her some food she must be hungry.'”
OP was not having it.
“Having worked all day on work and feeling tired I refused.”
“I said, ‘I’m tired, I don’t know any recipes, and I can’t just rush a meal.'”
“The guest felt a little awkward and my family was a little mad at me. I concluded by saying that ‘I don’t know how to make vegan dishes. I am tired from working 9 hours in that day, and if she’s that hungry she can use Uber eats to order what she’s comfortable with.’”
“AITA in this situation?”
Redditors gave their opinions on the situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors agreed OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. Your sister can’t randomly bring home an extra mouth with a different diet with no warning and expect you to have food for them. No reasonable response from parents either, they were probably embarrassed.”
“If it happens again – ‘I’m sorry no one told us you were coming, I’m sure sister has a plan in place regarding your diet though since she brought you here’ then just stare at sister.” ~ Status-Pattern7539
“I mean, at least he now knows whom his parents like more of the two of them. Expecting OP to cook a new dish because the sister didn’t bother to say anything in advance, for her sisters guest.” ~ -TheOutsid3r-
“I would have told sis that the kitchen is free for her to whip up her dish for her guest. Then I would admonish her for not getting in sooner and that her guest must be starving, and that she must not stuff her face so that she can at least keep her friend company to eat. Finally, ask her how long will she be taking as it would be rude to not wait on the guest.”
“I would turn to the guest and ask her about her vegan lifestyle making sure it is understood that I am sooo ignorant so that no one in their right mind would ask me to cook.” ~ SnooSuggestions2288
“Haha brilliant. I make friends with the vegan by letting her do what vegans love: talk about veganism… While sister cooks in the kitchen.”
“She seriously should have warned OP, almost as if it was intentional.”
“NTA” ~ Happy-Investment
Most agreed the sister’s friend was probably more embarrassed than OP.
“I mean, OP is NTA but there are few things I hate more than talking about veganism with random omnivores. I would have been absolutely mortified if I were the friend though and never expect for even close family to cater for me let alone random strangers.” ~ AdditionalTradition
“Yeah you have to wonder what the sister told the guest before the dinner. As a vegan, I never expect anyone to feed me or understand what vegan means and I always offer to bring a vegan dish to share if I’m invited over for dinner or a party. It’s nerve-wracking going to someone’s house that I don’t know.” ~ kaledit
“It seems like a such a weird thing for the sister to bring this guest over last minute. I’m gluten free, which is hard enough to accommodate, and sometimes harder, I would never surprise show up at a family dinner and expect to be fed. The whole thing sounds bizarre!” ~ juliaskig
“The guest must have been embarrassed as well. I know I’d be mortified and furious if a friend of mine put me in that situation.” ~ PaddyCow
“Yeah I feel bad for OP and the guest because from the post it doesn’t sound like the guest was demanding or expecting anything. I’d have been so embarrassed if people made a fuss over it like that, I’d just be like ‘I’m an adult, I can go 2 hours without eating, it’s okay'” ~ peon2
Others shared their own stories.
“My SO and I invited his father over for dinner this one time and he brought my SO’s sister who is a vegetarian (we talked about it a few days prior and would have invited her but she had other plans that evening so we didn’t)”
“I had made beef tacos for dinner and was really surprised when they were both arriving.”
“I apologized to her for not preparing something for her and explained that while she’s always welcome to our home we didn’t know she’d be attending this dinner.”
“She laid into her dad a bit for telling her she was invited to dinner and bringing her without letting us know.”
“He got defensive about how her plans had fallen through and she was family so he didn’t think we’d mind.”
“Luckily it was tacos so she could eat anyway and just not put any beef mince on and from that day we always communicate directly because their dad still doesn’t relay the messages”
“In OP’s case it was a total stranger but even if it is someone close enough to basically be family it’s still rude to not give a heads up and just expect their dietary needs to be catered to.” ~ uxi3888
A heads up would’ve saved so much trouble.