Sometimes when we’re just trying to help, our good deeds get twisted into something they’re not.
That recently happened to Redditor astayatyourhouse when they tried to warn their vegan friend that the foods they were about to eat didn’t comply with their diet.
Instead of a “thank you,” the Original Poster (OP) was the subject of anger.
This led the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
They asked:
“AITA for telling a vegan that cheese and mayo contain animal products”
They went on to explain.
“This is a weird one. At least, I think so. I was spending a few days on a trip in a cabin with a couple of friends. One of them I am acquainted with but don’t know too well.”
“I just know that he doesn’t eat meat, and he claims to be vegan. I don’t care if he is vegan. People can eat how they want. I think his “veganism” comes from him never trying foods.”
“He eats nothing but junk food and doesn’t like meat or eggs or drinking milk because it is from an animal and the texture is gross to him. Again, not my problem, his life.”
“He eats Doritos and chips constantly. Lots of ramen noodles and mac n cheese. I don’t think I’ve seen him eat a vegetable. I’ve never really seen his eating habits before this trip.”
“First night we were deciding what to eat. A friend suggested pizza and he agreed. I said (keeping him in mind) I said we should make sure they have options with vegan cheese and meatless sauce.”
“He was like “what? cheese is okay to eat. It’s not meat.” I told him cheese is made from milk, and he looked sick.”
“He went on his phone and searched it up and was very upset. I thought this was common knowledge. He said that he loves pizza and pretty much lives off pizza.”
“And that he eats tons of mac n cheese. I guess we were just assuming he had the vegan thing handled and ate vegan mac or that cheap Krafts “cheese” is not even real cheese so it didn’t matter.”
“The next day we were ordering food. We were telling our order to one person, and they’d go out and pick it up.”
“He was asking for a sandwich with just vegan cheese, onions, and mayo and a side of fries. I said to make sure that they have vegan mayo there (big mistake).”
“He was upset and asked why can’t eat mayo. I said mayo is made with eggs, and he got really pissed at me and said I am ruining all the good food for him.”
“At this point, I just stopped keeping him in mind. He made some other questionable orders of things with animal products and I just didn’t bring it up.”
“He says I ruined food for him because he puts cheese and mayo on most things he eats. He called me an a**hole.”
“I don’t care what the guy eats. I don’t care if he claims to be vegan and eats steak every day. I was just keeping him in mind.”
“I don’t care that this guy identifies as vegan. I don’t think less of vegans. My mom is vegetarian, and I have friends and family that are vegan.”
“I wouldn’t have asked my buddy to make sure they use vegan cheese at a restaurant if I were anti-vegan.”
“I also don’t care if he is wrong. If he wants to wave the vegan flag and eat fried chicken and ribs. Okay, he’s a vegan that eats meat. It’s not my problem.”
“I was just looking out for him at the moment but quickly realized he didn’t know common ingredients and didn’t bring it up again”
“So AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“‘I thought this was common knowledge.’”
“It absolutely is common knowledge. That this person doesn’t know this is a little sad, honestly.”
“He’s misdirected his anger at you because he’s realized he’s just kinda dumb, lol. That’s not your fault, though.”
“You know the old saying, “no good deed goes unpunished.” He should’ve thanked you and actually researched his chosen diet. Oh well. Live and learn, right?”
“NTA.” – IamIrene
“NTA”
“You didn’t get in his face and say, ‘cheese is made from milk.’”
“You assumed he knew and just made a point to the group that since he says he’s vegan, he needs vegan toppings available.”
“Consideration for someone’s dietary restrictions and habits when choosing a restaurant is generally polite, provided that they are not restrictive of others.”
“This reminds me a bit about vegetarians who eat fish, not because they choose to be pescatarian, but because they are coming from traditions (e.g., Catholic, Ashkenazi Jew) where fish does not count as “meat” for religious purposes.”
“Generally, if someone uses terms like vegetarian or vegan, I’ll ask what that means for them. It’s easier than assuming they use a particular definition of those terms.”
“But if you asked, and he said he avoided dairy and meat, then considering those options when choosing a restaurant, and discussing them in that context, is entirely appropriate.” – Jazzlike_Humor3340
“NTA”
“The guy sounds really immature and uneducated about food basics.”
“Basically, hiding his toddler palate behind a socially acceptable excuse only to be caught with his proverbial pants down. – MelodyRaine
“NTA I’m vegan and this is hilarious but also pathetic. I can maybe give Mayo a pass, but who doesn’t know cheese is dairy!!”
“It’s in the dairy section half the packaging has cows on it. What on earth did he think cheese is all this time??” – cespirit
“NTA. That information is common knowledge. He should know all of this being ‘vegan.’”
“You should have pointed out the rest of the questionable things he had. Just to make sure you were thorough in “ruining” all his food.” – PlentyHopeful263
“Nta”
“I’m not vegan, but I have friends who have various allergies and dietary requirements for various reasons.”
“I don’t care what they eat. But I want to make sure they know what they’re eating” – fakingandnotmakingit
“NTA-“
“This guy is just using being Vegan as a way to pretend he eats healthy.”
“If he was really vegan he would know everything with animal products, and he would have at least some vegetables in his diet.”
“Plus if he claims to be Vegan but then gets mad when you are helping him to do just that… he is just kinda dumb.” – dr_pepper_addict5678
“My sister is a vegetarian and one of her favorite foods was French Onion Soup. Until I told her, the soup is beef broth. She didn’t speak to me for months because I RUINED her favorite food!”
“I really hate those people.”
“NTA, and if I were you, I’d keep at it just to annoy the f*ck out of him” – AryaStark1313
“NTA. He was very ignorant and uninformed. You were just trying to help and save him from himself.”
“Him saying you were ruining food for him just means he’d rather go on in blissful ignorance, rather than normal people who would appreciate you letting them know” – Few-School-3869
“NTA”
“Your exceptionally stupid friend has decided to be a vegan without any knowledge of what veganism actually means.”
“My mind is rather boggled by the idea that you’ve found an adult human who doesn’t know what cheese is made from.”
“Has he never seen any advertising for cheese at all? What did he think the cows and the jugs of milk are for? Some sort of scenic rural backdrop for some vegetables?” – _mmiggs_
“NTA. It’s a lil weird he didn’t know cheese is a dairy product, but not everyone realizes mayo is an emulsion of egg and oil.”
“It sounds to me like you originally broached the cheese thing in a very polite and helpful way (reminding your nonvegan friends that you should make sure an actually vegan option is available) and it was also helpful to remind him to ask for vegan mayo.”
“It’s probably wise to avoid getting suckered into any more conversations about food and veganism with this guy.”
“At this point, you’ve said everything that needs saying, and he’s probably gotten the point that if he wants to eat vegan, he needs to do his due diligence and check that things are actually vegan.”
“If he tries to argue with you about this again, something polite and de-escalating like, “I don’t want to cause further offense, so I’d rather talk about [sports/the weather/somebody’s new cat]” might work.” – edgarallen-crow
“He’s not vegan. He’s a moron.”
“NTA” – YogurtclosetActual75
“NTA, I accidentally did the same thing with a vegan coworker who regularly ate jello.”
“Everyone should be aware of what they put in their body, and it seems like you were trying to respect his lifestyle choice by making sure the food you were giving him was within those guidelines.”
“Eggs, cheese, and collagen are not vegan.” – Icy_Mulberry_3952
Hopefully, his slice of humble pie is vegan.