There are few things more difficult to face than the truth.
Even when we are determined to get to the bottom of something and know deep down what we will eventually discover, it doesn't mean we will necessarily feel any better.
Most of the time, finally uncovering the truth is a painful reminder of something we've been trying to forget or escape from.
The father of a recent Redditor had been estranged from his brother, the original poster (OP)'s uncle, for almost all of the OP's life.
Upon growing up, however, the OP finally had a chance to meet his cousin.
While the two got along like family upon meeting, things took an unexpected turn when the OP shared with his cousin the real reason they had never met.
After being scolded by both his cousin and his girlfriend for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I The A**hole" (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for telling my cousin the reason why our parents don't talk to each other?"
The OP explained why his honest answer to his Cousin's question ended up ruining their time together:
"I (22 M[ale]) grew up with no contact whatsoever with my dad's brother and his wife."
"They were estranged before I was even born, and it was not like I had many chances to interact with them because they moved to the UK when I was little."
"But I did connect with my cousins on socials over the years, and we talked a few times."
"So I planned a trip to London with my girlfriend and got the chance to meet one of my cousins (21 M[ale]) in person, and we were out for drinks and we were having fun, but at some point he approached the subject of why my dad and his dad don't talk, and that's the first time I realized he really didn't know the reason, he was clueless."
"And the reason was: my dad had dated my cousin's mom before she dated his dad, so my dad felt betrayed when his own brother made a move on his ex (they weren't together anymore)."
"They were young back then. I don't judge any of them for how they felt or behaved. I wasn't saying anything bad whatsoever about my uncle and his wife."
"I was just sharing what I knew."
"But my cousin got really shocked after I told the news, and excused himself to go to the bathroom, and my girlfriend gave me an earful for even saying anything because she says it wasn't my place."
"We didn't talk about it for the rest of the night, but I texted him the next day asking if he was upset I said anything, and he told me I shouldn't have dropped a bomb like that when we were just meeting for the first time and both drunk."
"I said I only talked about it because he brought the subject up."
"What was I supposed to do?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community was in agreement that the OP was not the a**hole for giving his cousin an honest response.
Everyone agreed that OP's honest response simply wasn't the answer his cousin wanted to hear. Others pointed out that if he didn't find out from the OP, he would have found out eventually from someone else, and likely still wouldn't have reacted well:
"Theoretically, sure—the most ultra-sensitive thing to do would have been to tell him 'hey, let's talk about that tomorrow when we're both sober'."
"Realistically, though, anyone who's asking why two brothers haven't spoken in decades—and expecting a light and cheery answer—is a dodo."
"NTA."- aemondstareye
"NTA."
"Never ask a question unless you can accept the answer."
"He should've really asked his own dad that question."- Entire-Grass5656
"He asked..."
"NTA."- 3xlduck
"NTA."
"There's nothing wrong with sharing family history among cousins."
"So he had a strong reaction."
"Whatever."- ScarletNotThatOne
"NTA."
"He asked, and what did he think?"
"They stopped talking for over 2 decades over something trivial?"
"You never returned my sweatshirt, and now you're dead to me."- Nervous_Internal_581
"NTA."
"Your cousin isn't eight."
"He should have already been aware that if you're going to bring up difficult topics, you most likely are going to get difficult answers."- First-Industry4762
"My dad's longtime hairdresser dropped a bigger bomb on me when I was 19 about my dad before my mom was around."
"Your cousin sure seems .. sheltered."
"NTA."- soyasaucy
"NTA."
"Your cousin is overreacting."- ATrainDerailReturns
"NTA."
"Really?"
"Your dad is still holding a grudge?"
"And your cousin thinks this news is so shocking you should have kept it to yourself?"
"And his parents are hiding it as if it's a shameful secret?"
"And your GF is also acting like it should be treated as something delicate?"
"This is 2025 right?"
"I thought later generations were more forgiving (I'm GenX)."
"There wasn't even cheating!"
"They were already broken up."- IHaveBoxerDogs
"NTA."
"Humans do that too often."
"They ask a question and when you answer it, it's somehow your fault if they don't like the answer."-Old_Fart_on_pogie
"NTA."
"It's pretty standard family story stuff."- calaan
"NTA."
"Your cousin needs to grow a pair."
"He asked you because he was too scared to ask Daddy."
"Your dad and uncle need to grow up too, tbh."- Upper_Ad9839
"NTA."
"My guess is there's more to the story."
"Really doesn't sound like a reasonable conflict to not speak to a brother for 20 years."
"Maybe he had some other tidbits."
"How close in age are you two?"- LiveLongerAndWin
"NTA."
"Cousin has to know it was bad, brothers don't go on no contract for no reason."
"Maybe he was surprised it had to do with his mom, but he asked the question."
"I would have assumed he needed the liquid courage to work up to asking what he was expecting to be an answer he wouldn't like."- andmewithoutmytowel
"Wait."
"You are supposed to know that he didn't know when he brought it up?"
"I get that you deduced that he didn't know, but if he brought it up to me, that's a waving red flag that he wants to know what you know!"
"Drunk or not."
"How are you supposed to know that he would be upset?"
"Your GF and cousin seem to believe you are a mind reader."
"Please ask them to let the rest of us know how they do that?"
"NTA."- Valuable-Release-868
"I'd say that two things are possible."
"You say yourself that they were estranged long before you were even born."
"You might have only gotten one side of the story, and potentially the side of the story that maybe makes your dad look better."
"But the other part of it is that two brothers not talking for decades probably means that something big happened."
"Your cousin should have expected the conversation to take a less-than-whimsical turn when he asked you about it."
"I'd say NTA. He asked you a question that by all accounts would have a pretty sad story attached, and got the pretty sad story in return."
"Whether true or not, it's what you're aware of."
"I'd also say it's a bit telling that he learned it from you and not his own father imo."- Hopefully_Witty
"NTA."
"Especially if the OG couple was broken up and everyone has been married for decades, if anything, it is OP's dad who is being ridiculous for holding a grudge for such a long time."-meekonesfade
A select few, however, felt that neither the OP nor their cousin was truly at fault in this situation, as it was alcohol that got the better of both of them. With many agreeing that both of their fathers needed to learn to move on with their lives and forgive one another:
"NAH."
"For you and your cousin, both drunk, it wasn't necessarily meant to be harmful, and first time meeting family, of course, you would ask questions."
"TA are the grownups that continue to hold a grudge with each other, enough to make it their kids' issue."
"It's weird that you can't visit your uncle and aunt, as you wouldn't have a cousin otherwise."
"It's strange they haven't talked to your cousin either about it before you two met."
"All around it's just odd and unfortunate two cousins have to carry that drama."- Cheeseburgers_
One can't blame the OP's cousin for being shocked by the OP's response.
And while our judgment is drastically impaired after a few drinks, the OP's cousin might want to stop and consider if he really would have been any happier if the OP told him this news sober?
Or if the OP waited to share this news after they'd gotten to know each other more, holding on to this secret for years.
Just like the OP's uncle did for his cousin's entire life.
