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Guy Who Was Kicked Out As A Teen For Being Gay Unloads On Sister For Trying To Guilt Him About ‘Family’

Karen Moskowitz/Getty Images

The dynamics in families who reject their LGBTQ family members can be next to impossible to navigate.

A Redditor found himself in precisely this sort of predicament when his sister tried to lecture him.

So, he took his dilemma to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for feedback, asking his fellow Redditors:

“AITA for telling my sister to stop using the word family on me like it’s supposed to mean something?”

The Original Poster (OP), who goes by the Reddit username Right_Jack77, explained:

“As stated in a prior post I was kicked out at 15 for being gay. From 15 to 35 I had no contact with my family. Over the years they have somehow managed to work their way back into my life. Only in a small capacity.”

“My sister who is younger than me called earlier and asked what me and my husband were doing for Thanksgiving. I told her that it was just us and that we were just going to have a nice dinner and probably watch TV for the night. And go to bed early.”

“She told me that she was having dinner and that we need to show up. I told her thank you but this was the first set of holidays in ten years that I didn’t have to host and I was planning on staying home and just putting on a fresh pair of pajamas after a shower and not going anywhere.”

“She then asked about Christmas and I told her the same thing.”

“She then asked when it would be a good time to get together. I told her point blank that I wasn’t all that interested given our history and that I was perfectly happy with how things were at this point.”

“This was when she got pissed off and started to yell at me saying that I need to start acting more a part of the family and that I need to let go of the past. She told me that we as ‘Family’ need to try and bridge the gap and move forward in a positive way.”

“I told her no we don’t. We hardly know each other. We are very much strangers. I also told her she needs to stop throwing the word family around like it is supposed to mean something to me.”

“When we started to talk again when I was 35 when our dad died her and my brother constantly berated me and told me that I need to just let them deal with everything that needed to be done. I never disagreed with them. I told them them that they could handle it.”

“I was berated when our mother was sick for not visiting her in the hospital or when she was home. I really don’t have much of a relationship with my mom and she is a pretty good stranger as well so it didn’t really matter. I threw everything back in her face.”

“Before we hung up she reminded me that it wasn’t my husband’s blood that runs through my body. And blood is thicker than water.”

“I told her no. My husband’s blood did not in fact run through my body.”

“But his semen did and that was close enough. I thought my husband was going to wet his pants.”

“So AITA for telling my sister to stop using the word family like it means something?”

OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong based on the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

And they wasted no time in placing blame firmly on OP’s family.

“NTA OP. Tell her she can get over you yeeting her out of your life.” —Noirceuil_182

“NTA. Also…technically semen IS thicker than blood or water soooo. lmfao” —tidal_dragon

“NTA and I think this quote from the book ‘Illusions’ by Richard Bach is more fitting; ‘The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.'” —steve102799

“NTA The last paragraph made me bust out laughing. No, you’re not the a**hole. She lost the ability to call you family when she abandoned you with the rest of them.” —GalaGrins

“…You’re NTA, OP. Enjoy your pajama Thanksgiving (frankly, it’s the best way to spend the holidays). You and your sailor husband (what? OP said he was a seaman…) are welcome at my House Of Misfit Toys holiday table any old time.” —GalacticaActually

“NTA. I HATE when people use ‘family’ to manipulate people into doing what they want. Family means NOTHING without the actions to back it up…” —AdillaBean

“NTA, I am crying at your parting shot to her. You’re totally within your rights to tell these strangers to step off.” —rennykrin

“NTA. I would say semen is thicker than blood.” —wh0d47

“NTA please just Cut them off entirely” —justa_testdrive

“NTA. They rejected you but now years later you are supposed to forget all that? No, that isn’t how it works.”

“Where was their ‘but we’re family’ bs when they kicked you out at 15? Yeah.” —FutureFluxx

OP returned to add some more context.

“Good Morning everyone. I hope that you are all having a great day.”

“First I wanted to say Thank you for all the responses, awards and everything else in between. This has been completely insane.”

“I never thought this would go so far. I have tried to read every single response but there are so many that it will take hours to get through them all.”

“I wanted to do this edit to fill in some blanks so to speak. When I was kicked out I was 15 and my sister was 8. So she did not have anything to do with what happen.”

“But she had every opportunity to find me after a certain point. When she was 16 and had her own car she could have come find me. When she was 18 and on her own she could have come to find me. She never did.”

“When our dad died it was a friend of mine who talked me into going so that I could maybe find some kind of peace with what happen all those years ago. She and another friend went with. My husband (boyfriend at the the time) had to work and couldn’t get the time off.”

“Initially I was greeted with surprise and thank you for coming. But then with hostility from my sister and brother.”

“If they for a minute thought I was out to get something from them or our dad’s estate they were wrong. I wanted nothing. And to this day I still don’t.”

“My siblings have always told me what my place in the family is. Which is basically I’m window dressing. I have been told that I have no business in knowing anything about the family finances, family affairs or anything.”

“I think that they are afraid that I could potentially take something that they want or are supposed to get. A couple of weeks ago my mom asked me to read over some financial paperwork that she didn’t understand.”

“Reluctantly I agreed but once my sister found out she screamed at me for putting my nose into areas that I don’t belong. I told my mom not to ask me for anything again because I will not be involved.”

“I have been asked a few times why I do keep in contact with them. The answer is because it’s my way of keeping ahead of them. I do not voluntarily make contact with them. I have no reason to.”

“I keep my Facebook locked down to the point that I don’t show my city, my job, my phone number nothing. But I can see all of their stuff.”

“This works because they post a lot and if I see that they are having problems with whatever the case maybe then I can work to make sure that if they ask for something I can not answer or just ignore them all together.”

“Plus it does give an open avenue for communication in the even of a major emergency. Plus maybe I still hold onto a hope that they will maybe at some time they will actually apologize. But I don’t see that ever being the case.”

“I have been asked if my mom has ever apologized. No she has not. And she never will.”

“She is from a generation where parents don’t apologize to their kids. Because that would mean they did something wrong. She is from a generation where kids were to be seen and not heard.”

“I guess it comes down to this. My family has formed this dynamic that I will never be apart of or want to be apart of. And I’m okay with that.”

“I was not asked to come to Thanksgiving or Christmas. I was told that I will be there. Why??? I don’t know. Then when I declined twice things got ugly.”

“Thank you all for all your replies and support!!!”

When it comes to family, sometimes the most important thing is boundaries.

John Sundholm

Written by John Sundholm

John Sundholm is a writer, video producer and performer originally from Michigan, and is one of those people who says he "lived in London for a while" even though it was only six weeks for study abroad. He made Ellen DeGeneres laugh once so you should probably follow him on Instagram, Twitter and Medium, where he does a lot of yelling under the name @JohntheCraptist.