When a person extends a nice gesture or gives a gift... it's normally not meant to come with strings attached.
Or last minute alterations.
Some people can have an issue leaving well enough alone.
And that's where the real drama begins...
Redditor CeeCeeLa found herself in a dilemma regarding the flavor of her birthday cake, so she turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
"AITAH for disliking the cake my sister made for my birthday?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My (29 F[emale]) birthday was last week, and I had a big party."
"I was talking to my sister (31 F) about a cake that I wanted for the party and asked her if she had any recommendations of where I could order it from."
"She insisted that I shouldn’t order the cake but instead let her bake it for me."
'I said I was happy to order and pay for someone to make it, but she insisted."
"She’s a great baker, so I agreed."
"She did two test runs of the cake to make sure it was right, and both tests were fabulous."
"She nailed it."
"However, she was convinced that it needed one extra ingredient, one that I really dislike and that changes the whole flavor of the cake."
"Think adding coffee to a vanilla cake - that’s how extreme the change is."
"She asked me about it twice, and I said no both times."
"I don’t like the flavor, and I don’t want it in my cake."
"Well, the birthday party comes, I cut into the cake, and I can immediately tell she’s added the ingredient that I asked her not to."
"My husband also noticed immediately (it changed the color of the cake, so it was obvious!), and he asked her what happened."
"She said, ‘It clearly needed the extra flavor to break it up, so I added it.'"
"I know it’s so stupid to get upset over a cake, but I was really frustrated."
"She saw in the moment that I was annoyed and immediately got defensive about it."
"Now, she’s saying I’m ungrateful for all the effort and time and money she spent making me this cake."
"And I feel upset that I couldn’t just have what I wanted on my birthday, especially when she asked me, twice, if I wanted the change and I said no."
"It cost her more to add in the ingredient I don’t enjoy."
"It was more effort."
"Should I just be grateful that she made me something that everyone else said tasted good, even if it wasn’t what I wanted?"
The OP was left to wonder:
"So, AITHA for being annoyed?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - More Information Needed
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"NTA... she’s the one that decided to change the flavor after you told her no twice." ~ dessertchef11
"Oh, I personally would love a lemon cake with a layer of blueberry jam or so in between; I think that sounds delicious!"
"But OP is NTA, but the sister absolutely is."
"I make birthday cakes for my kids, my ex-husband, my partner, etc and I always make sure that everyone gets the cake they wish for, and I would never change or add an ingredient I know they don't like."
"What a shi*ty thing to do."
"OP's sister did this on purpose." ~ Disastrous-Capybara
"Agree NTA."
"She may have meant well, but for her, not you as much."
"Made it more about her tastes."
"I suddenly have a flashback to that weird 70's song 'someone left the cake out in the rain, and it took so long to bake it, but I don't think I can fake it."
"She did spend a lot with prior ingredients; appreciate that, but ignoring your no's that's on her."
"She wanted to test a recipe and debut at your party, it sounds like." ~ Proper-District8608
"NTA. Thanks but no thanks."
"She knows why." ~ Top-Bit85
"Yeah, agreed."
"Like I ask my hubs what cake he wants for his birthday."
"Always red velvet."
"He always gets it."
"But I can only imagine his reaction if one year he got a normal sponge cake or strawberry."
"He would be internally devastated, and it would show on his face."
"Sorry OP, but your sister did this deliberately to 'showcase her skills' as a baker."
"Not for you and your birthday."
"She sucks."
"NTA and buy yourself a lemon cake."
"It was one of our tiers on our wedding cake and by far my favorite!!!" ~ fergie_89
"Right, my stepdad usually does chocolate (which I’m fine with) or some kind of Ice Cream cake, which I don’t like."
"Unlike OP’s sister, I’m mature enough to know that the birthday person gets all the decisions when it comes to their cake; I either eat a small piece or just don’t have cake."
"NTA, OP your sis is wrong on this." ~ Potatoes0p
"NTA. Don’t let her bake a cake for you again." ~ Equivalent_Lemon_319
"This is really important."
"Hold this line."
"My kids have had so many birthday cakes ruined because we thought the well-meaning family chef would hear, understand, and care that they didn't want something fancy."
"Similar, like a lemon curd layer between vanilla instead of just buttercream."
"They all hated it for years until we could convince everyone to let us just order something."
"Some people just 'know better' and don't care." ~ Pixie_786
"NTA - You said no twice, and she added it anyway."
"If you had ordered it from a bakery, they would've actually made it how the customer wanted."
"Additionally, you paid her for it."
"You don't just get to make whatever YOU think is best when you're being paid to do something." ~ ghostcraft33
"I had a similar situation with a birthday cake and my own mom."
"I was very disappointed and afterwards told her that letting me make my own choices on my birthday is a great gift."
"I’ve ordered my own birthday cake several times now."
"And her changes weren’t even with something I actively disliked."
"NTAH and don’t let your sister get it twisted."
"She could have kept the berry compote separate for people to drizzle on the cake."
"I’m wondering if she had some social media purpose for doing this." ~ SmoothLester
"NTA, but what is the flavor?"
"I’m dying to know."
"Sounds like she made the cake for herself, seeing as though you asked not to add that ingredient." ~ DDD8712
OP came back with an Update...
"Ok, I was intentionally vague about the flavor in case she sees this post, but I’ve said it in comments, so oh well."
"I wanted a lemon cake, and she added blueberry/blackberry compote that she made from scratch."
"I just hate the flavor of blueberries, always have."
"So, I cut into the cake expecting it to be yellow, like a lemon, and it was bright purple."
"You couldn’t taste lemon at all, but you sure could taste blueberries.'
"For those asking, I didn’t actually say anything in the moment because I didn’t want to ruin the vibe, but I definitely made a face."
"For sure."
"And since she’d done two test runs that others had tried, they were also like, ‘Hey, why is the cake purple inside now?’ thinking that maybe I’d changed my mind or something."
"My sister clocked my reaction, and my husband straight up asked her why the cake was a different color, and she said it needed the extras."
"Then she got upset because enough people thought the situation was weird and she’s been talking about it ever since."
"I did say to her (privately) later that night that I didn’t like her adding the extras when I'd asked her not to, and she launched into a whole thing about how I’m ungrateful, and it’s not all about me because others would also be eating it, and so on."
"And since I’ve heard from other people that she’s still upset and that I should be grateful she did make me something and reminding me that ‘it’s just cake.'"
"I am not bringing it up to anyone unless they bring it up to me what she’s been saying all week."
"So the AITAH is a genuine question since, yeah, it is just cake and probably not worth all this."
"For those saying it sounds like she hates me and she wanted me to hate the cake: I genuinely don’t think this is it."
"I think she was so convinced her way was the best way and that I would see it if I just tried it."
"I did not agree."
"I also think she considered this version to be more impressive, because she talked so much about how she made the compote from scratch."
"She wanted people to be impressed - and they were! - but I was not."
"I hate blueberries."
"Since this has come up a lot: Why two test runs?"
"She’s very Type-A and needs things to be correct (to her)."
"I had about 50 people at my birthday, so she probably felt some pressure."
"The first one came out soggy, in her opinion."
"In my opinion, it was delicious and perfect, and she wanted to change the lemon curd to the compote because it ‘sets differently.'"
"I said no."
"The second one she was happy with structure-wise, but this time she wanted to add the compote for flavor depth. I said no again."
"I was so happy with what she’d made and told her so over and over."
"So, imagine my surprise when the cake is purple at my party!"
Reddit agrees with you, OP.
This wasn't her birthday; it was your birthday.
Let her save her compote for her special day.
Go indulge in some great lemon cake.
