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Guy Livid When Spouse Refuses To Let Him Go On Friends Trip To Vegas Because They Have Two Young Kids At Home

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They say what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. But not much can be left there if you never go in the first place.

A recent post on the “Am I the A**hoe (AITA) site illustrated how close someone can get to Vegas without actually going.

The Original Poster (OP), known as notagoodtimethrow on the site, delivered the news directly in the post’s title. 

“AITA For not letting my husband go on a postponed bachelor party trip”

OP began by explaining how, like so many weddings, this one was shaken up by the pandemic.

“One of my husband’s closest friends got married in a courthouse ceremony last year. They debated postponing their entire ceremony, but decided to just do a courthouse wedding to save money.”

“They threw a smallish reception like party in their backyard to celebrate with friends and family instead.”

“Since they also both had to cancel their bachelor/bachelorette parties, they decided to use some of the money they saved from the wedding to go on trips with their friends.”

“My husband’s friend decided he wanted to go to Vegas.”

That was music to at least one guy’s ears.

“He sent out an email to everyone invited, detailing the trip. His friend would book and pay for an entire villa suite so the only thing the attendees would have to pay for would be airfare and spending cash.”

“When my husband told me about it he was so excited as he’s never been to Vegas and this seemed like the perfect trip since his friend was covering a huge expense.”

But not everyone felt that way. 

“However, We have 2 young kids at home, a 3-year old and a 6-week newborn.”

“The trip is in 6 weeks and my husband’s friend wants for sure answers on who is going by the end of this week so he can finalize reservations.”

“I told my husband I don’t want him to go because I need his help at home.”

OP shared her reasons. 

“He pretty much begged me but I did not give in.”

“I do not think I can handle the needs of both kids by myself. Neither of us has family nearby, and I’m pretty much estranged from all of my family anyway.”

“The only real option we have for help is his mom and she lives 3,000 miles away. He offered to pay for her to come stay to help but I told him we can’t afford it, which he should know.”

And that wasn’t OP’s only reason.

“I was also upset that he thought we had the money to pay for this at all. We have 2 kids, we shouldn’t be spending our money on gambling party trips.”

“I pretty much put my foot down and told my husband he can’t go and that there is nothing he can do to convince me that he should or that it’s even an idea worth entertaining.”

Eventually, the tension broke. 

“He’s still been trying to convince me and come up with ideas that he thinks will make it work, no matter how many times I tell him to stop.”

“I finally snapped at him and told him to drop it because he’s not going and there’s nothing he can do to convince me otherwise.

“I told him his priority needs to be his family right now, not going off with friends to blow money on drinks and gambling.”

Then came the back and forth.

“He called me a controlling jerk and that I’m depriving him of a once-in-a-lifetime trip.”

“I told him if he went he would be missing out on once-in-a-lifetime moments with his kids and that’s what he needs to focus on. I told him he just needs to drop and it tell his friend he can’t go and be done with it.”

“He told me that he hopes I remember this when there’s something that I really want to do, because he would never deprive me of an experience like this.”

“He did finally tell his friend he can’t go, but now he is barely talking to me, and pretty much only about things related to the kids. I can’t even understand why he thought going would be a good idea, but am I the a**hole here?”

Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

 Most Redditors took OP’s side. 

“NTA. you made the decision together to have a second child together and he needs to honor the commitment of being a father and supporting his newborn.”

“Especially when it’s a gambling trip and not like… camping in the woods where there’s no possibility of draining away funds on gambling.” — nishkiskade

“NTA- I cannot believe these comments. Let’s put the money completely out of the picture for a second. She will have a 3 month old at home for this. OCD in post partum moms is at its highest at this time period & likely she will still be recovering from child birth (although info needed on this one).”

“For her husband to go off during this early of a child’s life is crazy honestly. Maybe if the kid was 6months she could make it work.” — somethingorother2828

“NTA, it’s not like you just told him he can’t go because you dont like him to have fun without you. There’s 2 small children, a certain virus going around, money problems.. also going to Vegas isnt a ‘once in a lifetime experience.’ ” — introverted_smallfry

But some called out what they viewed as pretty unhealthy relationship dynamics. 

“YTA. Sounds like you’re dictating terms, not discussing them … no wonder he’s barely speaking to you … what’s the point of dialogue with someone whose mind is already made up, about everything.” — moondoggie1960

“You need couples counseling, not Reddit’s approval.”

“Seriously, big stuff here. This is bigger than a trip. Having people tell you you’re NTA isn’t going to help the issue.” — LittleRed-BrickHouse

“As someone who single parented kids born 17 months apart, even when they were infants – with zero family support – I feel you, but if it’s not too late I gently urge you to reconsider for the sake of your marriage.”

“You’ll make it through 3 nights, even if it will be damn hard, and he’ll take over when he gets back, eternally grateful to you. No, it isn’t fair that he gets a break while you do double the work and lose twice the sleep.”

“But showing him you can do it and will go through it for him will strengthen your marriage at a time that sounds like you guys are disconnected. It doesn’t really sound like it’s about the money, unless he has a history of irresponsible solo spending? Let him go, and expect to be the Goddess thereafter.” — hellocloudshellosky

Unfortunately, the wide-ranging commentary from Redditors won’t help OP figure out her moral standing too easily. 

Written by Eric Spring

Eric Spring lives in New York City. He has poor vision and cooks a good egg. Most of his money is spent on live music and produce. He usually wears plain, solid color sweatshirts without hoods because he assumes loud patterns make people expect something big. Typically, he'll bypass a handshake and go straight for the hug.