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Man Refuses To Visit His Newborn Nephew Because His Brother Once Called CPS On His Dying Wife

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Life is full of choices. And choices can have consequences.

When a 33-year-old man gave what he felt was an appropriate consequence for his brother’s choices, he got pushback from his parents.

So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.

Redditor MorganClintxxx asked:

“AITA For refusing to visit my brother and his newborn because of what he did 2 years ago?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I lost my wife 2 years ago, right now I’m a single dad of my 9-year-old son. My wife had cancer.”

“It was too much for her to take but she always said that our son was her strength. She was receiving treatment and spending time at home with our son.”

“She always said that she wanted to spend as much time at home with our son as possible. She just knew.”

“I took care of our son’s needs. As well as household.”

“Her family was very supportive. Her sister helped by driving her to the hospital.”

“But my family didn’t do much.”

“My brother age 37 kept coming over and making comments about how our home was a mess and unhealthy for our son. Claimed that he was being neglected and asked what would happen to him after my wife passed away.”

“He bluntly said that it was unfair for our son to live like that. And kept being negative and telling those things to my wife making her feel bad and worried.”

“I told him to stop coming over and just leave us alone. I was angry with him.”

“I went low contact. And one month before my wife passed away, I had a visit from the CPS—my wife was home when they came.”

“They did an interview with me and my son. I explained my wife’s condition and they talked to her sister and informed me that someone called them and filed a report about our situation and possible neglect in our house.”

“Eventually nothing came out of the report. My wife never stopped crying she got very sick that night.”

“And I’m sure she felt helpless as if she was a bad mother.”

“I assured her that she was in fact stronger than most people and that the report was nothing so she shouldn’t had been worried. But she couldn’t help it.”

“My dad called me a week after. Telling me to be careful my brother reported me to CPS and was bragging about it hoping they’d take action.”

“I was livid. I got into a huge argument with him and all who defended him and I cut contact with him right then.”

“After my wife’s funeral, no one visited except for her sister.”

“I talk to my family but I haven’t talked to my brother for two years after what he did and all the stress he caused my wife.”

“Last week my mom called me to tell me my brother and his wife had a baby boy and wanted me to bring my son and visit him. I refused.”

“She called me unreasonable and told me to let my son meet his cousin and uncle. To just forgive and forget.”

“She kept pressuring me despite saying I don’t want to. My dad himself said it’s time for us to reconcile and get together as a family.”

“I ended up yelling at them that I won’t forget the scene my brother made before my wife passed away and claiming that we were bad parents knowing that we were struggling and doing all we can. They just kept insisting I visit and see how it goes.”

“But I still refused.”

“My brother didn’t apologize. I only talked to my parents.”

“This is his first baby with his wife. They had issues with miscarriages in the past.”

Redditors weighed in on the situation by declaring:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.

“NTA. I’d let them all know you’ll go no contact with them too if they keep this up.”

“Last I checked, the wife’s sister was the only one actually helping.”

“They all suck.” ~ Dumpster_fff

“Parents: forgive your brother so we can be a happy family.”

“Literally blaming the victim, as it’s easier for them to think OP is overreacting rather than accepting they’ve raised OP’s brother badly.” ~ orlandofredhart

“So what the f’k did the brother expect his call to achieve? I have a very hard time believing he was trying to help the kid.”

“It sounds like hurting OP and SIL was exactly the desired outcome, just like the underhanded and snide comments he made in person.”

“Some people just need to put others down so they can feel better about themselves.”

“NTA, and anyone pressuring OP to ‘just get over it’ while the brother hasn’t even apologized can get bent.” ~ TheRealSaerileth

“Yeah if it was my sibling in that situation I would be trying to make it easier. Like ask them if they would like help cleaning, cooking, etc…”

“I can’t believe how rude the brother was.” ~ Swan97

“When I was 12 and my brother was 9 our mum died of cancer. The house was a complete tip, my dad barely had the time or energy to keep us fed let alone clean the house.”

“You know what his brother did? He moved in and took over all the cleaning, drove us to and from school, cooked big nutritious meals so my dad had something good to eat when he came home from the hospital, he helped us with homework, kept on top of laundry, took us for walks with the dog.”

“That’s how a real brother acts in this situation, he knuckles down and HELPS rather than lurk snidely in the background mocking his family’s struggles and causing unnecessary stress and drama for a dying woman.” ~ CRJG95

“I agree with your view on this. If the brother cared so much for his nephew, he could have come over, helped OP and his wife with some housework, been a mentor to a young boy in a rough situation.”

“But nah, he called CPS and bragged from his soapbox.”

“What an a**.” ~ BallisticHabit

This brother’s choices lead to the OP’s decision to cut him out of his life. It’s now that same brother’s choice to not apologize or attempt to make amends creating the current rift.

If the brother wants a relationship with OP, he can initiate reconciliation. Until then, Redditors agreed the OP and his 9-year-old son are probably better off without him in their lives.

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka Haudenosaunee and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac.
Member of NAJA.