Allergies are one of those hardships that we all know should be taken seriously and respected.
If someone were to begin dating someone from a family that chooses not to respect that person’s allergic reactions, the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit would call that a red flag.
Redditor Ok-Nail7633 found herself in a difficult position when she went out to dinner with her boyfriend and his family. Instead of impressing them, she had to walk away when her food allergies were disregarded.
When they all expected her to apologize, the Original Poster (OP) wasn’t sure what she should do next.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for abruptly leaving my boyfriend’s and his family’s dinner after they refused to respect my allergies?”
The OP didn’t have an opportunity before to meet her boyfriend’s family.
“I (19 [Female]) recently got the chance to safely see my boyfriend (20 [Male]) and his family for a dinner.”
“I work as a paramedic and would reject going to any plans my boyfriend had with me wanting to go see his family due to [the pandemic].”
The OP mentioned her food allergies when she finally got to make arrangements.
“I recently got the chance to have a two-week vacation and decided to accept my boyfriend’s offer to see his family.”
“I asked my boyfriend what would be served and just checked in to make sure they won’t have Seafood or Shellfish, since I’m allergic to them.”
The OP was shocked at the family dinner.
“The day came and I had a good time with them up until the time for us to eat.”
“I noticed the food they had mostly either had seafood in it or was entirely seafood.”
“I asked if they had anything else, but my boyfriend insisted I should just eat a little to not be disrespectful.”
The OP stood up for herself.
“I stood my ground and informed him and his family I’m severely allergic to seafood.”
“After they insisted that they won’t serve me or make anything that doesn’t have seafood, I thanked them and left.”
“Today, I got angry text messages from my boyfriend, upset that I disrespected him and his family, and wanted me to apologize to them, but I’m not going to.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe how the OP genuinely wondered if she was an AH.
“I can’t imagine how not wanting to put oneself into a medical configuration that could lead to a fatal outcome could ever be considered AH behavior.”
“Boyfriend and his family demanding OP apologize for rudely not wanting to die. What is actually wrong with people? Does their seafood have extra lead in it or something?”
“OP – You’re a paramedic, how many people have you seen on the brink of death in the grip of anaphylaxis? How many EpiPens have you given in your time?”
“Your bf wants to show you what it’s like to ride in the back of the ambulance. He’s gotta go.”
“NTA” – furferksake
“You let him know in advance and he either didn’t tell them or they don’t care.”
“This may be a huge warning sign.” – BigOrangeMichael119
“Your boyfriend is the AH. Eat a little bit of food you’re allergic to? Like you’ll only die *a little bit*?!”
“Did your bf tell his family you are allergic to seafood/shellfish? If he didn’t, why not? If he did tell them, why did they serve it?”
“The answers to these questions should give you huge pause and have you rethinking your relationship, Op.”
“NTA” – 5pinktoes
Others agreed and couldn’t believe the family’s behavior.
“That entire family was gaslighting you and being giant a**holes. Drop that guy like a sack of potatoes.”
“Now he’s being the victim by blaming you for standing your ground. Dump his a**. Red flag.” – SatoriNamast3
“There is literally no reason every dish had up have seafood in it. These people were trying to prove OP was lying about her allergies.”
“If she had eaten it, then she would have been blamed because she had an attack. This boyfriend is bad news and I would dump him.” – Ursula2071
“There’s no way this was a coincidence or bad luck. One dish is a possibility but all the dishes? Nahhhh.”
“I’m thinking the soon-to-be Ex BF told mom and dad that GF loved seafood. Naturally, mom and dad probably wanted to please her as a good first impression.”
“Either this or the parents are just as much a**holes as he is and did it deliberately knowing about the allergy but I find that possibility lower between the choices.” – Cynical_Feline
Some were shocked at how often people don’t take food allergies seriously.
“My sister doesn’t believe in food allergies because as kids in the 60s we didn’t see them.”
“But you know what we had in the 60s? More dead kids because we there were no episodes pens nor was 911 invented yet.” – desertdwellir
“My Mum is one of many children. A couple of times a year, one sibling would yell that their brother ‘B’ was ‘turning blue again’ at the dinner table.”
“It’s a miracle he lived into his 60s!”
“I was diagnosed with food allergies before EpiPens were commercially available. All I could do was avoid the food, keep Benadryl on hand, and have a parent rush me to an ED.” – wadingin3
“I work in a baby goods store and so many grandmas in there say, ‘How did we ever survive?’ when I tell them we don’t sell baby pillows, or talk about safe sleep.”
“SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) has gone down by 50% just since campaigns to get babies to sleep on their backs. It’s not made up. They were just lucky.” – Professional_Dig3988
Despite the boyfriend’s demands for an apology to his family and himself for walking out of the family dinner, the subReddit did not feel the OP owed them any sort of an apology at all.
Rather, she was upfront about her allergies, which should have been taken seriously from the beginning. By insisting she risk her health for a meal, the boyfriend’s family forfeited any right they may have had to a moment of her time.