Honesty is always the best policy.
An age old saying ingrained in our heads from a very young age.
Not everyone lives by this saying, of course, as the very concept of honesty is too much for some people to grasp.
What dishonest people realize all too late, however, is one way or another, lies have a way of catching up to you.
The sister of Redditor SmolandDepresso had a bit of an issue telling the truth.
Finally getting tired of this, the original poster (OP) came up with what they thought was a clever and discreet system to alleviate her lies.
Unfortunately, the OP’s sister soon became aware of this and was not at all happy about it.
Worried they may have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for warning people that my sister lies a lot?”
The OP explained how they found a way to be honest about their sister’s deception:
“My Sister (26) just found out that I (29) warned people I know before they met her that she is a compulsive liar.”
“I love my sister a lot, but she has a serious issue with lying about everything all the time.”
“Even dumb little things that don’t make sense half the time.”
“I can always tell when she is lying, but other people can’t, and I don’t want my friends or other people I know to believe her when she lies about things that are big deals, though.”
“So whenever she says something I know is a lie around my friends, they look at me and I shake my head no, and this is a system I have set up.”
“I don’t call her out or embarrass her in front of other people, and they never say anything either, just nod, and we move on.”
“My sister isn’t a bad person, and we both had very hard childhoods and went through a lot of trauma, so I give her grace and ask that you do too.”
“I do know a lot of her issues with lying come from wanting attention.”
“The little lies don’t bother me, and I ignore them, but the big ones are usually very problematic.”
“Well, yesterday she met a coworker of mine whom I had warned that she lies a lot to beforehand.”
“She said something that was outrageous, and my coworker looked at me, and I shook my head no, and we moved on.”
“My Sister saw it and, on the way back to my house, asked me why sometimes I shake my head no when she talks.”
“I explained why, exactly as I did to you guys above.”
“I wasn’t mean or cold about it, and my Sister knows that I have an issue with her lying all the time already.”
“We, she thinks I’m an a**hole now because now everyone is going to think she is a liar.”
“So AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for warning people about their sister’s lies.
Everyone agreed that if the OP didn’t warn people about their sister’s lies, they would eventually find out, one way or the other, and as such, the OP was ultimately doing their sister a favor:
“NTA.”
“She is a liar.”
“It may be compulsive, but that makes it something that she needs to recognize herself and deal with in whatever way she can, not something those who love her need to enable so she doesn’t feel embarrassed.”
“What she says could affect other people (depending on the lie).”
“If she had a disorder where she randomly windmilled her arms, leading her to hit people in the face, you would be justified in warning others of the fact beforehand so they could be ready to turn aside and avoid her swings.”
“You’re not obliged to do the figurative equivalent of leaving people to be blindsided by a smack in the face.”- kurokomainu
“NTA she is a liar, it’s perfectly fine and even a good idea to warn people about it.”
“If she’s lying due to a mental health condition that is attention seeking, preventing people from overreacting to the lies denies her that attention and thus doesn’t feed the cycle her brain is trying to start.”
“And it protects your friends from being inadvertently taken advantage of.”- TheMandolin
“‘Well she thinks I’m an a**hole now because now everyone is going to think she is liar’.”
“NTA.”
“That ship sailed.”
“She is a liar, whether malicious or not.”- autistic_and_angry
“NTA.”
“If she doesn’t want people to ‘think she’s a liar’ she should stop lying to people.”- Kitchen-Purple-5061
”’Well she thinks I’m an a**hole now because now everyone is going to think she is liar’.”
“She IS a liar.”
“If you don’t want people to think you’re a liar, don’t lie all the time.”
“NTA, if sounds like you’ve actually found a pretty good system to help protect your sister from herself.”- Kathrynlena
“NTA.”
“’I love you, but you do lie a lot (give a couple examples)’.”
“I can tolerate it, but I won’t be complicit, especially when it comes to the people I love and trust.”
“‘If you don’t want to be seen as a liar, you need to work on telling the truth’.”
“‘Maybe it’s something you should bring up with your therapist’.”- whatsweetmadness
“NTA, she’s a known liar, so she will be perceived and treated as such.”
“Based on her types of lies, it sounds like she goes between wanting pity and wanting to be admired.”
“If I had a friend who brought such a lair around, I’d want a heads up about that behavior.”
“I don’t want to spend energy trying to comfort or hype up a liar.”- paul_rudds_drag_race
“NTA.”
“I would sit her down and explain to her that she is an adult now and she is actively embarrassing herself and you as her family by continuing to lie about these ridiculous things.”
“To protect yourself, you’ve been forced to give a caveat when she speaks.”
I”f she still doesn’t comprehend what this means, then she should be in a care facility.”-analogascension
“NTA.”
“Especially after I read what kind of lies she tells.”- TheNinja132
“You say she’s not a bad person, but honestly, if she’s not trustworthy, then she’s not a good person.”
“That’s about as much grace as she deserves.”
“You’re NTA to your friends, colleagues, people on here, but you were to her.”
“For her own good, but you know she doesn’t want that.”
“You were disloyal; and she’s right to be angry, but because she’s not a good person, she’s a chronic liar, she doesn’t deserve loyalty.”
“See how that works?”- Only-Breadfruit-6108
“I was prepared to judge you as an AH simply because everyone should have a chance to prove themselves, but after reading your examples of small and big lies your sister tells, you are clearly NTA.”
“It would make you a jerk for not warning people about your sister’s habit.”- Candid-Career8377
“NTA.”
“But it’s high time for your sister to deal with her traumas.”
“I’m sorry for what she went through, but expecting endless grace for her lies isn’t helping her.”-Massive-Ride204
“NTA.”
“If she were truthful this wouldn’t be an issue.”- Amonette2012
“NTA.”
“Because lying hurts people.”- RebekhaG
“NTA.”
“She IS a liar.”
“When someone lies so often and so regularly that another person has created a system to sort out the lies from the truth, that someone is a liar.”
“The important bit is A) will your sister acknowledge she has a problem and B) will she commit to working on her problem?”- Deep-Okra1461
“NTA.”
“If she is concerned about people thinking she is a liar, maybe stop lying.”- NorthIngenuity4346
The OP later returned with an update, revealing that their sister’s lies got her into more trouble than anyone expected:
“Hey, everyone, just a quick update, my sister is currently in jail for lying about being an off-duty police officer to another undercover since she didn’t know he was one.”
“He and his friends and she were trespassing and got caught, and she tried to pretend she was an off-duty officer, and when asked for information, she obviously couldn’t provide it.”
“She is currently being held because my mom can’t afford bail money for pretending to be an officer, trespassing and vandalism.”
“Thank you to everyone who gave me advice about this situation, and I was going to sit her down and chat about her making seriously bad choices by lying like this, but it seems Karma has done it for me.”
“While I’m not happy she is in jail, I am hoping this will be a wake-up call for her.”
One way or another, the truth always has a way of coming out.
Something the OP’s sister learned far too late.
Making it clear that honesty is, indeed, always the best policy.