Smells and fragrances can be a problem nowadays.
So many people are allergic and super sensitive to odors.
What is the ideal way to tell people they’re overdoing it with the scents?
People are very touchy about personal odor.
Redditor NegativeDirt5124 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“WIBTA if I asked my 17-year-old stepson to stop wearing perfume because I’m pregnant and it makes me nauseous?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (31 F[emale]) am 10 weeks pregnant.”
“My symptoms have been manageable overall, but I’m still dealing with nausea, headaches, and fatigue.”
“My stepson (17 M[ale]) moved in with us full-time about a month before I got pregnant.”
“Before that, I didn’t see him often, so we’re still adjusting to living together and getting to know each other.”
“Like a lot of teenagers, he uses a ton of perfume/deodorant.”
“It was intense when he first moved in, but back then, I could tolerate it.”
“Now that I’m pregnant, it feels unbearable: if he’s been in a room, I sometimes can’t stay there, and I’ve even had to leave the apartment because I feel so sick.”
“I recently went away for a week, and I felt amazing – no nausea, no vomiting, no headaches, more energy, super productive.”
“But when I came home, it was like being hit with a wall of symptoms all over again.”
“So, I can’t help but connect it to constantly being surrounded by the perfume.”
“I haven’t said anything yet because I don’t want to seem unreasonable or controlling.”
“He’s a teenager, and we’re still in a delicate adjustment phase.”
“But I’m considering asking him not to wear cologne at home (he could still wear it out), at least while I’m pregnant.”
“He doesn’t know I’m pregnant yet, but our home is generally fragrance-free, and neither my partner nor I is a big fan of cologne anyway, so that it wouldn’t come completely out of nowhere.”
“That said, he’s 17, and I definitely drowned myself in perfume at that age, so I get it.”
“And I just really don’t want to be the ‘evil stepmom,’ or give him a reason to resent me or the pregnancy.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So, WIBTA if I asked him to stop? Or am I just being a bit too much?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Actually, your husband should step in here.”
“For women, bombarding himself with cologne is a turnoff more than not.”
“Girls his age probably are reacting the same way.”
“Subtle is the correct term.”
“He shouldn’t be able to smell it.”
“Just enough on the palms, on the collar bone, and one spray down under is enough.”
“No scent deodorant for everything else.”
“Win-win for both of you.” ~ Iambigtime
“I stand fully behind this one.”
“While sure, some girls do like it, I met mostly girls who avoid people with too much perfume like the plague, myself included.”
“And I get it, hormones are rough.”
“And especially during teenage years when you’re already conscious ánd are more likely to smell, I totally understand.”
“But this isn’t a solution, and your husband can help.”
“Tell him about the difference between deodorant and antiperspirant, as the latter is much more helpful, and how to use cologne/perfume.” ~ Rugkrabber
“Yeah, I have a sensitive nose, so strong smells like smoke, perfume/cologne, coffee, even like scented stuff like candles, those spray things you plug in, I’ll get massive headaches and dizziness and just feel very sick.”
“Wish I could try coffee, but the smell is too much, but the energy would have been nice.” ~ Shadou_Wolf
“I’ve had to have this chat with my son.”
“They’re not always aware at that age that it’s as strong as it is, and because they don’t smell it, they keep putting more and more on.”
“His dad needs to have this conversation with him, and it genuinely has nothing to do with your pregnancy; he’s assaulting the noses of people he sits in class with, people he’s on public transport with, people in shops and restaurants.”
“Lots of us have allergies to strong scents, and people with strong perfume/cologne are genuinely a health issue.” ~ BarelyHolding0n
“This is one of my biggest pet peeves about cologne and perfume.”
“It should be super subtle (only able to smell it if you are super close to the person, etc), but everyone seems to think putting 1/2 a bottle on every time is what you’re supposed to do!”
“If I can still smell it in the elevator or room after you’ve left, it’s too much! -someone who also gets nauseous and dizzy around strong scents.” ~ Historical_Nerd1890
“NAH. But I’d recommend having this conversation with his dad there and explaining that it’s not that he wears it, but the amount can be a lot for you while you’re pregnant.”
“Be kind, reassure him you don’t want to impose on him, but you’d appreciate it if you could find a balance as a team.”
“Maybe he applies less, perhaps he applies once he leaves the house?”
“Maybe switching scents for the time being could help!”
“You could take him shopping to find a perfume that smells good to him, and doesn’t give you a headache :).” ~ Meowmaowmiaow
“NTA, but before asking/telling him to tone things down, discuss with your partner so that he’s on board with you.”
“Aside: Have you considered burning a regular candle?”
“They do remove odors, I’m told.” ~ Individual_Ad_9213
“You’re literally growing a human, and the kid’s drowning himself in Axe body spray like it’s holy water.”
“Just tell him it makes you sick, and he can save the cologne cloud for when he leaves the house.”
“He’ll live, trust me, the girls aren’t lining up at your couch anyway. NTA.” ~ casualnerding
“NTA – but I think there is a right approach when considering it’s a teenager and they will likely be dealing with B[ody] O[dor], hormones, and self-esteem, even if it’s not apparent.”
“Maybe even feeling pushed out and having to make changes with a baby on the way.”
“I would be explaining the issue with the perfume rather than them, seeking a compromise of either applying it with windows open or finding one they like that you can stomach.”
“I know it’s a small change from them, and a massive impact for you.”
“But I’m thinking of the catching flies with honey approach.” ~ worldworn
“YWNBTA, and it’s not hysterical when asking to stop something that is affecting your health/wellbeing.”
“It boils down to how you’ll make this request.”
“If you explain that your case is not a whim, it’s a physiological thing, and that he just put on his cologne when outside the apartment, it shouldn’t be a big deal for him to adapt.” ~ silentjudge_
“It’s normal to get sick from some perfumes when you are pregnant.”
“Maybe instead of asking him not to wear perfume at all, start with asking him to try a different scent/brand, after explaining why you are asking.”
“It may be just a component of the specific one he uses that triggers you.”
“My mom got sick from my grandma’s soap smell when she was pregnant, but only from that specific brand and scent.”
“Other soaps were ok.”
“Talk with your husband first. NTA.” ~ SoleSun314
“NTA. Just ask him, explain it to him.”
“It probably wouldn’t work if you immediately tell him to stop wearing it.”
“He’s 17, so communicate with him like he’s an adult.”
“I expect that when you explain to him that the heavy fragrance is making you nauseous, he’s probably willing to wear less or something different.”
“If you two can’t work it out.”
“You can go to your husband and let him handle the parenting and boundaries.”
“He’s his parent and better to do that.” ~ Novae224
“NTA, the world is full of teenage boys who think an extra heavy dose of body spray is ‘just as good’ as a shower.”
“We would all be better off if their parents stepped in to nip that nonsense in the bud.”
“However, why is it up to you to have that discussion with your husband’s son?”
“He’s the parent, so it’s his responsibility to rein in his son when the son’s actions have a negative impact on people.”
“Right now, he’s using so much body spray that it’s making you physically ill, and it’s probably hurting other people too.” ~ werewere-kokako
“NTA at all!”
“When one of my co-workers was pregnant, the whole office stopped drinking coffee when she was there because her sickness was so intense she had to drive to the office with a bowl on her lap!”
“Another co-worker also had a very intense sickness and couldn’t face food the entire pregnancy; she was literally living off plain pasta, fries, and chicken nuggets.”
“We moderated what lunch options we brought in for her comfort.”
“You do that for people you care about!” ~ AreaMiserable9187
“NTA, I remember it from my pregnancies; when a woman is pregnant, her ability to smell things could almost rival a dog’s ability to smell, but only almost.”
“So yes, at the moment, a lot of perfume or deodorant can be unbearable for you, therefore you’re NTA.” ~ Ghostthroughdays
OP came back with a little more info…
“Deleted the word ‘hysterical’ – thank you for pointing that out.”
“English isn’t my first language, and I used it for lack of a better word.”
“My partner is on board and ready to have a conversation with him about it.”
“I’m just having doubts about it now.”
“We’ll be telling my stepson about the pregnancy in a couple of weeks, after the first trimester has finished.”
Reddit is with you, OP.
You’re not trying to be insensitive.
You’re pregnant and your body is reacting.
It’s great that your partner will handle this.
Good Luck.