What is the lifespan of a wedding dress?
Or, put another way, can someone wear a wedding dress to something besides a wedding?
For one woman, that question was recently put to the test. She explained everything in a post on the “Am I the A**hole (AITA)” subReddit.
The Original Poster (OP), known as Fun_Towel_2726 on the site, got straight to the point in the post’s title.
“AITA for ignoring what my fiancé’s parents wanted and wore my wedding dress to her funeral?”
OP led with some background.
“Ooh ok. A lot to unpack here.”
“I [24-year-old female] recently lost my fiancé [27-year-old female]. It came totally out of left field.”
“Between the incident and her death, 27 told me that she wanted to be buried in her wedding dress and that it would mean a lot if I went in mine, too since we wouldn’t be able to get married.”
But there was a snag.
“I agreed. I told 27’s family (they were in charge of planning the funeral) and they agreed to putting 27 in her wedding dress, but said I couldn’t wear mine.”
“Apparently they would be fine if I had a traditional wedding dress, but because it’s this, they said it’s inappropriate.”
Thankfully, there were others to weigh in.
“I spoke with her sister and brothers about it (I’m quite close with them) and they said they would be on my side if I decided to show up in my wedding dress.”
Then came the event itself.
“I did and 27’s sister and brothers kept their promise but it really upset 27’s parents even more. After the funeral, they cursed me out.”
“They let some things slip (they never liked that their daughter liked girls and that they never liked me) and said I was being a selfish a**hole.”
OP was left pondering some things.
“Now I’m conflicted; I was honouring my fiancé’s wishes but at the same time, I went against her parents who are grieving the untimely loss of their daughter.”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Most Redditors took OP’s side. They said she wasn’t an a**hole.
They knew who was though.
“I’m very sorry for your loss NTA at all. Your fianceé’s parents are extremely homophobic and bigots. You were not wrong to fulfill your fianceé’s last wish. Her parents are the only assholes in this” — Stormwalker1710
“NTA. I was gonna say NAH until they got homophobic. They are grieving and you are grieving. You are honoring their daughter’s wishes and they should want to honor their daughter as well, including you.” — IntrospectOnIt
“NTA. You had agreed this with your fiancé and she wanted you to wear the dress (which is gorgeous by the way). Sounds like her parents big issue is that they are homophobic and wanted to pretend that their daughter wasn’t a lesbian.”
“They are a**holes here even excusing the fact they are grieving.”
“I’m really sorry for your loss.” — Academic-Panic-
Many felt her fiance’s parting wishes were the be all end all.
“NTA. When someone has their ‘last wishes’ known before their death, then it is the respectful thing to follow them.”
“Her parents were clearly in the wrong with how they treated you as someone their daughter cared for, but also that’s just a shi**y way to treat anyone ever when they lost someone important.”
“I understand that they were also upset with the loss as well, but that is still unacceptable behavior.” — Excuse_Purple
“NTA While I can see why someone wearing a bright, colorful dress might possibly be upsetting to some during such a somber occasion, especially more traditional people.”
“The last wishes of your fiancé trumps everything else. You be at peace knowing you respected her in her final moments.”
“As for her parents. Big AHs here. Not so much for your/your fiancé’s choice of wedding attire situation.. but for what they said to you after. Completely out of line. They disrespected you and their daughter majorly here. That is horrible and I’m so very sorry!”
“Please do your best to remove/ignore them from your life so you can grieve in peace. I’m so sorry for your loss :(” — AbbyBirb
“NAH. You were honoring your finance’s wishes, and your dress looks like a beautiful celebration of life – which is likely why her parents were upset, as many cultures put emphasis on the grief and mourning, so a dress like that can seem inappropriate or disrespectful.”
“Her parents aren’t AH for being upset either – they are entitled to their feelings and funerals are really for the lovong, not the dead. (Their homophobic comments, however, do make them AH)” — riverdantes
“NTA this was basically her last wish and you lovingly respected it.. place the lashing out of her parents as them hurting, however painful & misplaced it may be and know that you did what was right.. my condolences & wishing you all the best for the future.” — Neko_09
And plenty zeroed in on what the real issue was.
“NTA It sounds like they wanted to bury their daughter straight and having you there reminded everyone that she was gay and her parents hated that. Not only were you honoring your fiancé wishes, but you didn’t let her parents wipe out a part of her identity.” — Salt-Seaworthiness91
“NTA you and your fiance agreed to this if they don’t like it they can kick rocks. It sounds like they just don’t want a reminder that their daughter liked girls and wanted to marry you.”
“However their homophobia and stuckupness isn’t your problem and it definitely should not be put ahead of your fiance’s wishes. I really like your dress it’s beautiful and I’m sorry you had to wear it to your fiance’s funeral rather than at your wedding. So sorry for your loss op.” — Living-In-Daydreams
Thankfully, it looks like OP can rest assured her response to losing such a close loved one was completely in bounds.
The next question, however, is what does this mean for the future of her connection with her fiance’s family.