Death is never an easy topic to broach.
How people grieve is intimate and private.
But death can also bring out the drama.
The worst of family and loved ones show up way too often.
Case in point…
Redditor imannoyedbythis wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for asking my husband’s ex to delete a picture of him in his coffin?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My husband died 2 weeks ago.”
“It was sudden, unexpected and overall, the process has been difficult.”
“We were married for 5 years and have 2 kids together.”
“My husband’s ex has made the grieving process 10x more difficult.”
“They were only together a year, about 10 years ago, and had a son.”
“She dumped him all those years ago, but has acted like the widow here.”
“Long, dramatic Facebook posts about his death and how much she’ll always love him, how they were robbed of more time together.”
“Mostly about her and him, and not their son.”
“Which I’d be okay with, if they had gotten along at all. They didn’t.”
“He hated her, but was civil for their son.”
“I love my step son and want to stay in his life so I’ve tread carefully.”
“Cut to the wake and again, she’s putting on a scene and acting like the widow.”
“She actually joined the greeting line. I ignored it.”
“She’s sobbing and a complete mess, her mother had to calm her down.”
“I was a mess too but felt I couldn’t show it as everyone was worried about her.”
“We had an open casket per my husband’s will.”
“I didn’t notice at the time but his ex took pictures.”
“She put them all over social media.”
“I asked her to take them down as I don’t want my kids seeing that one day.”
“The memory of the wake is enough for them. “
“She said no, so I reported the pictures to Facebook and got them taken down.”
“I also blocked her on his account (which is now a memorial page for him).”
“I’ve been told I’m being an a**hole by several of my husband’s family members. Am I?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“My cousin did this at my grandfather’s funeral and I swear to God it was the worst thing ever to open and see those photos unexpectedly the next day.”
“NTA OP. Open caskets are to say goodbye in the moment.”
“Not to facebook/insta and traumatise ppl all over again later.” ~ StickyAction
“We took a group photo (sans coffin… she was cremated) of college friends at my friend’s funeral and even that felt weird.”
“At the same time, it was the first time a lot of us had seen each other in years (and we haven’t all gotten together as a group since).”
“I cherish that photo.”
“If it was a photo of living friends brought together for a sh**ty occasion, then the photo is about the living.”
“You put the casket in it — even in the background — and that makes it morbid AF.”
“Add in the fact that the ex is acting like a professional widow, and that makes it 10x worse.”
OP, I’m so sorry for your loss.” ~ mdsnbelle
“My sister had an open casket.”
“I’m both glad and heartbroken about it.”
“Glad because she was so pale and shrunken at the end and the funeral home made her just gorgeous again.”
“But also heartbroken that she never got the chance to look that way in life again.”
“This was 20 years ago and I’m still torn.”
“NTA, death and grief are complicated and not meant for internet attention.” ~ randomusername71175
“Of a dead person she dumped a decade ago.”
“Who remarried and has a grieving widow. So she can play victim and lost love.”
“OP NTA – the ex is disturbed though.” ~ ondinemonsters
“I just do not understand why you’d post them?”
“My mother took pictures of my grandfather at his wake.”
“I specifically did not go to the wake because that wasn’t how I wanted to remember him.”
“She asked me to look up a particular photo and I saw him whilst looking.”
“It was so upsetting coming across it on a public forum!” ~ OneSmolBean
“NTA. As you said, you’re the widow—not her.”
“Her opinion on this is irrelevant and so is everyone else’s opinion.”
“He’s your husband. Decisions like this are the responsibility and choice of his WIFE—you.”
“She’s an attention seeker and nobody should cater to them.”
“Anyone enabling her is just as bad.”
“There should be no situation where someone looks at the grieving wife of someone and say their feelings are invalid about anything regarding their spouse.”
“None. You’re the wife.”
“You’re the one who is grieving the loss of a spouse, the loss of a part of your family unit, the loss of someone you enjoyed and loved in your life.”
“She’s just milking this situation for attention and that doesn’t deserve any validation or to get in the way of your grieving.” ~ JinxForASoda
“Not to mention taking pictures of the deceased is a HUGE taboo in basically all walks of life.”
“Even in medical training morgues you cannot use cameras and the faces are kept discreetly covered, because as human beings we have collectively decided to RESPECT OUR DEAD LOVED ONES!!”
“This behavior verges on sociopathic no matter who you might be to the deceased.”
“The fact she has the nerve to do this while five shades removed from the situation is just despicable.” ~ verdeville
“NTA – taking them for her own use would be one thing (if a bit off) but not putting them on Facebook is a completely reasonable request and you acted as I would have.”
“Have your husband’s family got the full story?” ~ Betweentheminds
OP had an answer…
“They do but his mother really likes her.”
“It was an issue in our marriage.”
“She’s the typical mother in-law from hell whom I was never good enough for.”
“Since my step son was the first grandchild, he and his mother always came first.”
“And I’d be oaky if it was my step son, he’s a kid.”
“He should. But not his mother.” ~ imannoyedbythis
“NTA. Good gracious you can’t post pictures of a dead person on social media.”
“If she truly cared about him she would post a picture of him when he was alive as a memorial.”
“By posting things on social media she is simply using your tragedy as a way to attract attention to herself.”
“Sorry for your loss OP.” ~ THEgabberdore
“NTA am I the only person who thinks it’s disrespectful to take a picture of someone who is DEAD and post it on social media for fake internet points?”
“Like what the hell?”
“I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this on top of your loss, OP.”
“She sounds like a wretched human being.” ~ alyssaaarenee
“NTA- I’m so sorry you lost your Beautiful Husband.”
“And that your kid’s lost their Dad.”
“And I’m so sorry that she’s making his death all about her! “
“She sounds like an awful person! “
“You were absolutely right to ask her to take those pictures down and I’m so glad you reported it to Facebook and that they had the decency to take them down.”
“I lost my Fiancé when our son was 7.”
“So for years – to help us through the Grief – I planned outings for his Dad’s ‘Birthday’ and Father’s Day to continue stuff his Dad loved to do to keep his Memory in a Positive way.”
“So we’d go to the zoo, or miniature golfing, or see a new Disney movie that came out that his Dad would have loved.”
“And we talked about his Dad a lot.”
“All the funny things he would do or the things that he’d do that would get me SO MAD – and we’d laugh about “Remember when…/”
“This kept his memory alive for our son.”
“I’m so sorry that you are going through this.” ~ Southern_Hamster_338
“NTA Sorry for your loss.”
“It’s possible she had lingering feelings for him, it’s possible it’s an attention grab, who can say.”
“Posting pictures of the deceased in his casket I, in my opinion, is tasteless.”
“Post pictures of happier him days as a tribute fine.”
“You need to focus on your grief and getting your children thru this difficult time.”
“It’s time to shut out the noise from the peanut gallery and take care of yourself and your family, best of luck.” ~ Shaggymaggie
“Oh My Gosh!! So very NTA!!”
“I am so very sorry you are having to deal with this when you are truly grieving!”
“And definitely NTA for trying to protect your children from seeing photos of their Dad like that (wtf is SHE thinking – to post them like that????).”
“Your husband’s family members who have said you’re being an AH, are the ones who are the AH’s here NOT you!!” ~ MissSuzieSunshine
Well it looks like OP has support out there.
Death is never easy to comprehend.
Hopefully OP and family can find a way to comfort one another and not provoke.
Sorry for your loss.