Redditor KD33056797 is a 43-year-old dad who intended to carry out his late wife’s specific instructions pertaining to their 12-year-old daughter.
This did not sit well with his current wife and stepdaughter so he visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA For refusing to give my late wife’s bracelet to my stepdaughter?”
The Original Poster (OP) provided the following context.
“I’ve been with my current wife for 2 years now. I have a 12-year-old daughter (Jenny) from my previous marriage—her mom passed away from cancer. And I have a 15-year-old stepdaughter (Emma) and we get along very well.”
“I’ve been keeping some stuff that belonged to my late wife including a diamond bracelet that my late wife wanted me to give to Jenny on her sixteenth birthday.”
“This request was hand written by her and I made her a promise that I’ll hold on to it ’til Jenny is sixteen and then gift it to her on her sixteenth birthday. This will make her feel that her mom is there with her when the day comes and it gives me comfort.”
“There were no issues except for when Emma was taking a look at my late wife’s things when I was at work and saw the bracelet. She told her mom she liked it very much and asked her if she could keep it.”
“My wife doesn’t know the story about the bracelet. She told me that Emma liked the bracelet a lot and wanted it so bad.”
“I told her that was not possible because Jenny’s mom wanted her to have it on her 16th birthday and that it wasn’t mine to give.”
“It was specifically gifted to Jenny and I can’t deny her that.”
“My wife took it as in I was favoring Jenny over Emma and Emma is mad and keeps talking about it. I told her that was not up for discussion.”
“But then she offered me money to get me to give her the bracelet and I was shocked. Completely dumbfounded and hurt that she thought by offering me money that I’d change my mind.”
“I argued with her. When she said that I probably said no because my late wife’s stuff is clearly more of a priority to me than her feelings and Emma’s.”
“She said that Emma will resent me especially when she sees Jenny wearing the bracelet and realize the favoritism that I’m displaying.”
“I got so tired of arguing I told her to just stop it. But she still thinks that I’m making a big deal out of it and Emma could still have the bracelet since Jenny does not know about it.”
“I was so upset because of this but I stood my ground and refused. I get Emma’s love for jewelry but I could get her a similar one if she insists.”
“I don’t think I’m being unfair to Emma. It’s just her mom is pressuring me and taking things personal.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many of the comments indicated NTA, starting with this Redditor who expressed urgency on what to do next.
“NTA. Lock up that bracelet. Fast.” – ScubaCC
“You need to get it out of the house and in a safety deposit box. Emma found it once somehow so she clearly has no issue invading your privacy.
Now that she knows it exists she will search high and low.”
“NTA by the way.” – United_Stable4063
“Also, he should take inventory of the other stuff now. Wouldn’t put it past either to just ignore him and take stuff.” – Duke_Newcombe
“First thing I thought of. When the wife and her daughter are out of the house take an inventory of all items like the bracelet, take photos and then get them all into a safety deposit box somewhere.”
“And don’t keep any paperwork around that says where they are. And then he should amend his will to ensure that whatever he wants to go to his daughter will get to her.”
“The wife and step-daughter sound like terrible people. Start protecting assets now.” – BibbityBobby
“NTA. It’s not your bracelet, it’s Jenny’s, you’re just taking care of it for her. If you gave it away you’d be stealing it from her.”
“I wonder if there are deeper issues that Emma is insisting on having it. Is she just selfish and entitled or does she feel left out?”
“Also why was she looking at your late wife’s things? (Also, make sure the bracelet is locked up!)” – Practical_Heart7287
“This! You might want to get a safe deposit box or small safe where only you have the combination and lock it up.”
“When Emma realizes that she’s not going to get it I’m betting it will conveniently disappear.” – Practical_Heart7287
“I’d actually go as far as getting a box at the bank, with just OPs name with zero access to the wife.”
“If she has the Audacity to even ask and play the favoritism card, who knows what lengths the new wife would go to appease Emma. SMH” – spicybEtch212
“And, a diamond bracelet at 15 nonetheless. Kind of an aggressive ask.” – meaning_please
“OPs wife is so out of line I don’t even know where to start. It belonged to Jenny’s mom. There is no connection with Emma or the new wife.”
“How dare they even suggest he give it to Emma. That would be a complete betrayal of OP’s first wife and his daughter!”
“If new wife keeps insisting it may be time to rethink this relationship.”
“OP must definitely put that necklace and ANY other valuable items that belonged to his wife in a personal safe deposit box for his daughter.”
“His new wife and step daughter cannot be trusted. Forgot to add NTA.” – leeanforward
Communication is key.
“Talk to your wife about picking out a bracelet for Emma’s 16th birthday. That one is already Jenny’s, but it could be a nice way to show your wife and Emma that you care without having to bow to your wife’s insecure demands.”
“This argument is a symptom of a bigger problem though and you guys should go to couple counseling.” – ach323
“A conversation also needs to happen with Emma. It needs to be explained to her that OP is just holding onto something that already belongs to Jenny.”
“The note should be shown to her as well. OP can also offer to pick out a different bracelet when Emma turns 16.” – ramonaluper
When asked about how his current wife was being unreasonable, he replied:
“She thinks that I refuse to give it to Emma because I don’t see her as a daughter to me or maybe because she thinks I want to keep it to myself.”
“She doesn’t understand and this might cause resentment between the girls if my wife continues to act like that.”
Overall, Redditors side with the OP and agreed that he was not being unfair to Emma.