Planning dinner can be stressful when you’re a parent.
Some parents work long hours.
And then life happens and times get wonky.
So as much as a parent wants to keep a schedule for dinner, it can often get hectic.
But using deceit to get one parent to cook over the other, can lead to trouble.
Case in point…
Redditor TheJordanRiv121 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for ordering takeout after my husband tricked me to cook for his kids?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“AITA? Hello.”
“So to give some context, I F[emale] 35 have been married to my husband, M[ale] 37 for 6 months.”
“He has 2 children from two different (uninvolved) mothers and they live with us full time.”
“The kids are 7 y[ears] o[ld]. And 10 y[ears] o[ld].
“I work long hours and it’s a demanding job time wise.”
“My husband thinks that just because I w[ork] f[rom] h[ome] that I can pause whenever but it’s untrue.”
“He’d ask me to do things for the kids or him during work hours.”
“But I told him I’m working and unavailable during those hours, and that the kids are his responsibility until I’m done.”
“Yesterday, he told me he wanted to go attend a friend’s engagement dinner and asked if I could ‘take time off work’ to make the kids dinner.”
“I told him absolutely not, and insisted that he cook for them or order takeout.”
“He said he had no time to cook, and takeout was off the table since he doesn’t want them to eat fast food.”
“He later said fine and that he was going to cook dinner then go to the party.”
“2 hours later, the kids came in and said they were hungry.”
“I was puzzled, I asked if their dad cooked them dinner and they said he didn’t.”
“Moreover!!! He told them to come ask me to cook for them at exactly 7pm.”
“I was so pissed to find myself in this situation.”
“I took few minutes off the meeting and ordered takeout from the nearby restaurant and fed the kids, then had them watch tv then go to sleep.”
“He came home at 11PM and went off on me after he discovered that I didn’t cook like he was counting on me to do.”
“Not only that, but he yelled about feeding the kids takeout.”
“I argued back saying I had no choice after he basically tricked me into cooking for them knowing I was busy.”
“So I ordered food and made sure the kids were fed while I focused on work.”
“He ranted about how I care more about work than my stepchildren (God forbid) and called me selfish.”
“Then went upstairs and refused to talk to me.”
“He’s still sulking about it today and says I need to get my priorities ‘in order’ cause they’re messed up.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Wait, wait, wait… he told YOU that YOU need to get YOUR priorities in order when HE left HIS CHILDREN UNFED to attend a PARTY?????”
“Why did you marry this ‘man?'”
“SOooooo much NTA.” ~ Legion1117
“NTA OP – This is exactly why he has none of the moms in the picture.”
“His behavior is abusive.”
“I wonder if he married OP just to get someone to take care of the kids and bring home a solid paycheck.”
“I can’t believe someone would manipulate both his kids and his wife at the same time by not feeding them.”
“Sounds crazy to me.” ~ IgnotusPeverill
“Right?! He literally wanted to force her to cook for them, even though she was working.”
“OP can leave this abusive relationship, poor kids are stuck with this guy.”
“Makes me wonder how he ended up with custody.”
“Making up a story in my head that he was so awful that both women gave up their children rather than have to ever deal with him again and/or they were threatened.”
“The abuse here has only begun for OP if she doesn’t leave.” ~ PittieLover1
“I feel so bad for his kids.”
“He said they left due to finance issues, probably that he has no finances and they were paying for everything, just like OP is doing.”
“I do wonder what happened that made them leave their kids though because that sucks for them especially considering the parent they were left with.”
“OP should start getting her ducks in a row so she can leave him.” ~ x3meech
“In the husband’s eyes, she’s just like the warehouse workers – there to pick up his slack.”
“He’s an entitled baby.”
“OP, NTA. But is this who you want to spend the rest of your life with?”
“He has zero respect for you as a working woman and just thinks of you as a free nanny.” ~ Easy-Concentrate2636
“OP nothing you ever do for this man is going to be enough.”
“Let me give you a glimpse of your future.”
“You wfh all day, maybe rearrange your schedule so you can take better care of the step kids.”
“Cook, feed, teach the kids table manners.”
“He will complain that the house is a mess.”
“You are home all day why is this place a mess?”
“So you spend every free minute cleaning.”
“Don’t you love your step kids, their teacher says their homework is suffering.”
“So you try to fit that in.”
“All the while he is going out with his buddy because you don’t have time for him.”
“Besides you are a mess to look at, you used to take care of yourself.”
“OP run for your life and don’t look back.”
“Also protect your birth control because I don’t trust this man.” ~ alady12
“NTA but uhhhhh…. you have bigger issues in your marriage than takeout.”
“You married someone who does not respect your work or your time, is willing to let his kids go hungry in order to force your hand, and is now using emotional blackmail to punish you.”
“This is a fundamentally broken approach to relationships and it’s honestly not hard to see why he doesn’t have relationships with either of his kids’ mothers.” ~ crockofpot
“NTA. Why are you with this guy?”
“He had two failed relationships.”
“I think i can see why his past relationships have failed.”
“He probably is with you just so HIS kids can have a step-mother.”
“He doesn’t see your work as work, so he thinks you can easily drop everything for the family.”
“Why can’t he grab a pot and pan to cook food?”
“Cooking doesn’t take 2 hours, so he easily could’ve made something or meal prepped in the time he was arguing with you.”
“Or maybe instead of going to his party, he could’ve stayed home to make sure HIS kids are fed.”
“I don’t see where he thinks he’s right in all of this.” ~ luvduvbunny
“NTA. Your husband seems to have married you to get a ‘mother’ to take care of his children for him.”
“While you are a step parent and need to be involved in kids living in your home, your husband needs to understand that WFH is just as real as an office job.”
“He should not be manipulating you and his kids like this.”
“Though- what are your work hours?”
“Have you divided up chores and jobs to accommodate them?” ~ Fianna9
“NTA I can’t believe these men still exist… I mean, I believe it but how do they still trick women in order to slowly become their maids… aka ‘ideal mothers.'”
“I understand why those 2 mothers escape, I hope he will not get you pregnant too.” ~ AhoraMeLoVenisADecir
“NTA. You were working and your husband prioritised a party over taking care of his children… he’s the one acting selfish and childish.”
“He also thought that it was ok to directly lie to you and then deliberately push his responsibilities onto you during work hours while he was out partying.”
“That’s a level of disrespect that needs to addressed ASAP.”
“Bottom line: he who acts like a disrespectful AH to his wife and kids has no right to complain about how you deal with the situation that he dumped on you.”
“If he didn’t want them to eat takeout, then HE should have done HIS job as a parent.” ~ Key-Bit1208
OP had more info to share…
“Info – About that friend’s engagement.”
“My husband has this friend from college.”
“They’re close and he couldn’t miss the event.”
“Moreover, he said he was upset with me for missing the event and now refusing to cook a homemade healthy meal and ordering takeout knowing it’s a ‘no go’ for him.”
“Info – The reason I expected him to cook other than the fact that I was busy, was that he usually cooks for them so it’s both of our responsibility.”
“Info – Does he work? Yes, but barely.”
“He works at a warehouse only twice a week.”
“His friend’s dad owns the warehouse and do he has a lot of leverage.”
“Info – More context on the mothers.”
“One is an ex wife, the other is an ex girlfriend.”
“Both left for financial reasons he said but I’m not fully convinced by that.”
Well OP, Reddit is with you.
And there is a bit of slight concern.
You may need to consult a therapist and a lawyer.
Stay vigilant.
Good luck.