No one has to be told that the miracle of childbirth is a magical moment.
But it’s a moment that doesn’t necessarily need to be shared with everyone… you know, in the actual moment, in the actual delivery room.
Some mothers-to-be choose to have perhaps the father, a close relative, maybe a best friend or maybe no one at all present when their child enters the world.
But are mothers the only ones who should have a say?
A woman on Reddit upset her husband because she refuses to let her mother-in-law, who shamed her throughout her pregnancy, in the delivery room when she gives birth, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole Here” (AITAH) subReddit to seek feedback from fellow Redditors.
Redditor ProjectAppropriate50 asked:
“AITAH for not wanting my MIL to be in the hospital room when I give birth to my daughter?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (22/F[emale]) am due to give birth to my husband (28/M[ale]) and I’s daughter in about 2 weeks.”
“A few days ago we were discussing birth plans and the topic of who will be in the room came up.”
“He said exactly this ‘Your mom, your sister probably, Ava (My bestfriend) and obviously my mom will be in the room, correct?'”
“this caught me off guard since we had spoken about it at an earlier time, but I just corrected him because I thought he might’ve forgotten.”
“So I said ‘Actually, I would prefer it if she wasnt in the room during the birth, but I don’t mind if she comes in to visit before the birth and after the birth.'”
“He immediately got upset and said ‘so you get to have family in the room but I don’t? Its my baby too'”
“I explained again that any of his family are more than welcome to visit before and after the birth but I’d prefer not to be spread eagle in front of his family.”
“I especially don’t feel comfortable with his mom being there at all because she had shamed me and judged me during my entire pregnancy, but I was willing to compromise so he doesn’t feel like he cant have any family there.”
“He still wasn’t listening to me and started to get mad and yell at me.”
“He was really set on the fact that its his baby too which I already know but like I said, I just don’t want them there DURING the birth, I don’t mind before and after.”
“He still is upset about this and has been avoiding me since this argument and will only talk to me in the morning when I make us breakfast.”
“I’m afraid of when I have the baby that he won’t except my wishes and still let her in the room, or worse he just won’t show up at all.”
“AITAH for this?”
Redditors weighed in on the situation and overwhelmingly decided OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA, and when my BIL did this to my sister, she flat out told him, ‘I do not want your whole family in there looking at my VAGINA.'”
“The word ‘vagina’ snapped him back to reality.”
“In fact, he also did not want his whole family in there looking at her vagina, he just hadn’t realized what giving birth actually entailed.”
“That was the point where it got real, you could see it in his eyes.”
“Anyway, definitely NTA.”
“Make it clear you’re not interested in giving everyone a free show.” – allhinkedup
“NTA and I really don’t understand all these posts about people in the delivery room.”
“Birth is not a spectator sport.”
“It might be his baby but it’s YOUR body.”
“When he can push out a kid, he can have his mommy there.”
“Make sure you tell the nurses you don’t want her there and they’ll eject her when she tries to stay or he tries to sneak her in” – frozenbroccolis
“NTA. Now it is time to be blunt and rude.”
“‘No, husband, your mother will not be watching a baby come out of my vagina, under any circumstances.'”
“‘You may have helped make this baby, but this is my body and you don’t get a say. You can fall in line or you can wait outside with your mother.'”
“When it’s time for labour and delivery, you tell your mother, your sister, and your nurses who is allowed to be in the room and who isn’t.”
“What a f**king dumb, weird request.”
“I cannot imagine in a million years my mother even wanting to watch my wife give birth.”
“Just totally inappropriate.” – superflex
“NTA by a far.”
“Sorry but your husband is not the one laying naked on table displaying his private parts for everyone to see.”
“Birth is extremely graphic and vulnerable.”
“This is solely up to you who is in the room because YOURE the one having a baby.”
“Let him be mad, and honestly if I were you, if he continues to act like a man child I wouldn’t let him in the room either.”
“You need good vibes and support. It’s not them in there just watching ‘the show.'”
“They’re there to support you.”
“And please tell your nurses who is allowed. They will only let someone in with your permission.”
“The husband quite literally has no say in the birthing process, and your nurse will gladly remind him.”
“Ask your husband how he would feel if he had to strip naked and take a poop and have your dad watch it come out… maybe that’ll give him some perspective.” – Longjumping-Bet5293
“Nta. Tell him she can be in the delivery room after he has a colonoscopy in front of the men in your family.”
“Shut that sh*t down real quick.” – 2Tears-n-a-bucket
“YOU are giving birth. YOU are in the most vulnerable position. It’s about YOU.”
“Father of baby is there to support you while you give birth.”
“Hell you don’t even have to have him in there if you didn’t want to bc it’s about THE WOMAN GIVING BIRTH.”
“It becomes about the baby after.”
“It’s about you. Not your husband. Not your in laws. But you, you are giving birth.”
“You do what is most comfortable for you.”
“Everyone can visit after.” – AccomplishedFan9522
“NTA Does your man even remotely realise what he is talking about?”
“Ask him if he wants your Dad to come along when he gets his prostate and peepee examined.”
“And then multiply his response by 1000.” – Tanja_Christine
“NTA. Why not just the husband?”
“Here in Sweden it seen as normal that only have the husband there and the rest can wait and the first 2 days you dont even get to have guest unless it siblings to the baby.” – CakePhool
“NTA – I hate this trend where there are a bunch of people in the room during a birth.”
“This is a medical procedure, not a baseball game.”
“We are no longer in the 1800’s, where midwives delivered the baby at home.” – Comfortable-Focus123
“Having four people in the room is a huge distraction.”
“You KNOW they will be talking with each other or trying to talk to the birthing mom.”
“It’s called LABOR for a reason! It requires FOCUS.”
“Why the hell are they there?? What will they contribute? Nothing.”
“Medical people need space to help her. She will have monitors for her and the baby. The labor and delivery could take hours!”
“Her husband is worse than clueless and I don’t think OP gets it all, either.”
“She is NTA for determining who’s there.”
“She should restrict it to one person: her husband. They are the family, now.”
“What will this circus do, have discussions about it afterward?”
“As others have said, it is NOT a spectator sport.”
“I hope OP will come back after it’s all done and tells us how it went.” – Ok_Guarantee_3497
“I’m a man and a dad. My wife and I have two kids (so far).”
“It’s always been 100% my wife’s decision who’s in the room because even though they’re my children, too, it’s her vagina and butthole (that’re gonna have fluids and goops coming out) on display during the whole process, her excruciating pain and uninhibited expression thereof, her ‘moment’ (potentially several hours) to get through, so it’s up to her who gets to be there to witness ALL of it.”
“Do this: make your husband a delicious meal, then ask him several hours later to get naked from the waist down, lay down on his back, spread his legs wide apart in stirrups, then pee and poop out everything he’s got while wearing one of those birth simulator pads on his abdomen put up to the highest setting.”
“YOU tell HIM who’d YOU’D like to have in the room for that moment of his and let him see how he feels about that.”
“After all, you helped him make what’s coming out of him, so you totally get to decide who’s there for it.”
“NTA.” – GoodDayTheJay
“NTA.”
“Not his body.”
“Not his procedure.”
“Not his choice.” – mzpljc
OP definitely has some tough conversations to be had in her near future.
According to her fellow Redditors, though, she has absolutely nothing to apologize for.