It goes without saying that your life changes forever after you become a parent.
Suddenly, your children feel like your whole world, and you spend very little time thinking of anything else.
New parents also might notice some significant changes to their behavior and personalities, even when away from their children.
In the case of the wife of Redditor lkasm, it was the way they would talk to others.
A change that the original poster (OP) was less than pleased with, and had no trouble telling their wife as much.
But the OP’s wife continued to speak in this manner, eventually leading the OP to loose his patience in a very public setting.
Concerned his behavior was out of line, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole “AITA”, where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for leaving my wife by herself when she talks in a cringy manner?”
The OP explained a change he’d noticed in his wife after the birth of their child, and how he became increasingly frustrated by it, particularly in public places.
“Ever since we (27) had a baby, my wife had been talking like a baby herself.”
“Rather than teaching the baby to talk like a person, it’s as if my wife’s language has become baby-like.”
“She would make noises in between conversations like ‘Bo-dee-bo-dee-chooop’ and ‘Awowo-fwatata’, even when talking with adults.”
“This is especially embarrassing when I am with her in public places, when she talks like that to complete strangers.”
“I have been telling nicely to her to not do that but she would just laugh it off, totally oblivious to how people around us stare whenever she talk like a baby.”
“I have to point out that she is not in the spectrum, just a crazy new mum, in fact too crazy sometimes.”
“It was a day off for us when we have my parents babysitting the baby and we finally have some time by ourselves.”
“We went out for dinner and she done it again, talking to the waiter, something like this:”
“‘Yippy thanks ya-ha-ha-hah. Owoyoyaya by the way can you give us an extra plate for this?'”
“Seeing how the waiter staring at her as if she is some kind of mentality challenged.”
“I rolled my eyes and told her:”
“‘I am taking a break today and don’t need another baby who cannot even talk properly to look after. Please excuse me’.”
“Then I left the restaurant without her.”
“I don’t know what occurred to me but I probably shouldn’t have done that, but I guess it kinda just snapped.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
While neither the OP nor his wife received a lot of support from the Reddit community, everyone agreed that the OP was indeed the a**hole for leaving his wife alone at the restaurant in the way he did.
Just about everyone agreed that the OP was completely out of line to leave his wife alone in the manner he did, and while some could understand his frustrations regarding her behavior, everyone also agreed that it seemed to be the sign of something much more serious, which he should consider looking into, rather than angrily brushing off.
“How long ago did your wife have the baby and who is the primary caregiver of the baby?”
“Because if your wife is basically at home with a newborn all the time and not getting enough adult interaction that speaks to a bigger problem than you being embarrassed and acting in a cringy manner.”
“Who the f*ck seriously ditches their wife to teach them a lesson?”- Yay_Rabies
“Because you’re irritated by something that should concern you.”
“This doesn’t sound anywhere close to normal.”
“If someone I cared about started doing this I would be really concerned and maybe even take them to see a doctor or mental health specialist!”
“I definitely wouldn’t just walk out and leave them sitting alone in a restaurant!”- ashersquared2
“I know she embarrassed you with her inadvertent, and weird, baby talk, but you thoroughly humiliated her there.”
“Without due warning.”
“She may be spending too much time with baby and not realizing what she’s doing.”
“Surely if you’d said to her seriously I can’t sit here and have dinner with you if you’re going to baby talk, please stop now.”
“She needs some adult social time for def.”
“I just feel sad for her.”
“I know how insecure I felt after my first baby and my husband doing that to me would have absolutely confirmed all of my wildest, most hormone driven fears of not being attractive/interesting/young enough.”
“I’m not sure I would ever 100% forgive it, she must have felt like an absolute piece of shit having to pay the bill and walk out alone after that.”
“Post partum hormones can do strange things to people, cut her some slack.”- glacialcamera
“I get that it’s embarrassing, but think how your wife feels to be ditched in a public setting.”
“The other thing is that you just assume she is purposely doing this.”
“There are several different psychological & medical reasons that might be behind this.”
“Get your wife the help she needs and deserves.”
“Maybe don’t go out to a restaurant.”
“Or if you do, don’t ditch her.”
“She most definitely needs your love, help & support.”
“The human body is absolutely incredible and complicated.”
“If this just started, she probably has no idea what the hell is going on.”
“Between the insane changing hormones & stress, and how we understand genetics sometimes certain genes aren’t expressed until something like hormones & stress cause it to come out of the woodwork.”
“Please have some compassion for your wife because it is very likely she doesn’t know what’s happening either.”
“It also sounds like this could possibly be vocal tics.”
“Please get her the medical help she needs.”
“From a current nursing student studying psych nursing.”- Silver-Gold-Fish
“You’re not an asshole for being annoyed by her speech, but YTA for leaving her at a restaurant by herself.”- upinmyhead
“YTA for leaving the restaurant with her.”
“She needs help.”
“Go see a couples therapist.”- TheWholeTruthMatters
“When you’re a complete full time mum it’s hard to snap back into normal language.”
“I’ve found myself making clicking noises that I do to call my cats to my colleagues as a total brain fart moment, so I feel that maybe it’s a similar thing here.”
“What has she said when you brought it up to her, does she even notice she’s doing it?”
“I certainly wouldn’t let her laugh it off and really explain how embarrassing you find it, and how you want to spend some time just the two of you like adults.”
“If you simply had a harsh word to her about this I wouldn’t be calling you an asshole, but to leave your wife at a restaurant for something a little embarrassing.”
“You turned a nice date out into a horrible problem when your wife finally got to get out of the house, so I feel it was totally blown out of proportion.”- Kebar8
“Your wife is either behaving strangely and needs a medical checkup or is trying to upset you.”
“Either way, walking out of the restaurant will not help the situation.”
“Language and cognition are connected, so there is some concern that your wife may be having trouble with language and is not talking ‘baby talk’.”
“If it is indeed ‘baby talk’, which is a normal thing new parents do with babies and even with pets, the fact that she’s doing it with adults is also concerning.”
“Any way you look at it, you should be concerned, not angry and punitive, unless she’s just trying to get you upset, which would make her an asshole too.”
“As someone who teaches linguistics, I can tell you we don’t ‘teach’ babies to talk.”
“Humans are wired for language, as so long as a child is exposed to other humans using language, the child will acquire the language and dialect to which he or she is exposed.”- LovedAJackass
“Your wife just had a baby.”
“Instead of looking at this behavior as an alarm that something might be wrong with her, you are taking it as a personal offense.”
“Your wife could have something as serious as postpartum depression, and instead of being concerned for her you were annoyed enough about how it impacted you to ABANDON her in a restaurant.”
“Way to leave a lasting impression on the woman who just had your child: ‘if you don’t act a certain way, I will leave’.”
“Good luck repairing that damage.”- funtimeshadbynone
It’s rather sad that the OP resorted to a place of anger, rather than concern.
As frustrating as his wife’s behavior must have been, it was also completely out of the ordinary, and his leaving her at the restaurant likely only made things worse.
Particularly as the OP was already under the impression that he made a mistake
One can only hope that they’ll both be able to recover from this unfortunate situation.