Under the best of circumstances, weddings are difficult.
The catering, the venue, the emotional turmoil of two families joining together in the bonds of matrimony.
All very stressful.
Still, does a bad wedding necessarily mean a do-over is in order?
This was the problem plaguing a Redditor and Original Poster (OP) on the “Am I The A**hole” subreddit. The post can be found here.
“AITA for telling my stepsister planning a fifth-anniversary vow renewal because she didn’t get her dream wedding is dumb?”
“Throwaway for obvious reasons.”
Well, that’s a good start.
“My stepsister Lisa got married in October 2019. She chose a venue almost four hours away, and, yes, it was that far for not only both families but Lisa and her husband too.”
First, there was the backstory.
“It was a Wednesday wedding at their second choice of venue, and they used a budget caterer to afford more booze. It didn’t work out how they hoped. In fact, it was a disaster.”
The wedding was not ideal.
“A lot of invitees couldn’t get off from work or school. They apparently invited about 150 people, and only about 90 were able to come.”
A poor turnout…
“The people who came generally left by 7:30 after dinner and the cake cutting because of the long drive home (the food didn’t help either).”
…and early departures…
“Nobody is willing to miss a second day of work and get a room just to nurse a hangover, so the alcohol went mostly untouched.”
…in the middle of the week…
“The food was awful and half-cold because they didn’t pay for the warming plates or something. It was supposed to be barbecue.”
“The beef was burned, and the chicken was dry enough to act as fire kindling.”
…topped off with terrible food.
“The only sides were mac and cheese that I swear was frozen and then just left to thaw out, and mashed potatoes that had me fondly remembering public school lunches because at least those mashed potatoes were cooked.”
The food apparently was particularly poorly received.
“There was no gravy because apparently, it cost extra. The rolls could be better described as bludgeoning weapons.”
Alternative dinner arrangements had to be made.
“To say the Chik-fil-A drive-through was packed is an understatement. It was their pleasure to give us those chicken sandwiches, and it was ours to eat it.”
“Our family avoids talking about Lisa’s wedding because the reception flopped on every front, and all bringing it up does is make Lisa whine.”
Noone wants that.
“Now she’s decided that she wants a redo on her fifth anniversary.”
The crux of the matter.
“And I’m like, ‘You were complaining last week about not being able to afford the credit card payments from the wedding,’ and ‘If you’re upset about the turnout for the wedding, do you really think it’d be better for a renewal,’ and ‘You’ve got a sixth month old. Go spend that 30 grand on him.’ “
Clearly, OP had no problem expressing her concerns.
“Apparently, I’m a b*tch and don’t understand because I’m not married. Mom’s playing both sides of the fence, and she’s really the only potentially neutral party, so what do y’all say?”
However, the family seemed to think that she was out of line.
“*Edit to add that Lisa brought up the topic while at lunch with Mom and I. She didn’t specifically ask, but she brought it up as a ‘What do you think?’ sort of conversation.”
Having laid out the problem, OP waited for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
There was some concern about OP’s tone…
“YTA. The tone of your post seems to enjoy Lisa’s misfortune, and telling her there would be poor turnout for her vow renewal sounds mean-spirited.”~CornRosexxx
“OP also sounds super condescending for no reason”~tpprindy
While others didn’t feel it was OP’s place to say.
“Yeah, adults make bad financial decisions all the time. Unless you’re their financial advisor or conservator just keep your opinions to yourself.”~insomniac29
Not everyone seemed to agree that OP was in the wrong.
“NTA. You are being realistic. Getting married in an inconvenient location, in the middle of the week will impact on guest turnout. She’s got a child now, and you’re right in that the money would be better spent on the child’s future.”
“You’ve said once what you think, which is fair enough.”
“However, if she brings it up again just stay quiet. Stupid is what stupid does and she just won’t listen.”
“Maybe you could negotiate a catering contract with Chick-Fil-A for the second wedding, as they were the highlight of the night before.”~majesticjewnicorn
Some seemed to agree with the message, though not with the way it was presented.
“She can be mean and bitter while also, technically, being right.”
“If they were nicer, they could maybe hint at a cheaper option. But they’re so caught up in being an AH that they definitely wouldn’t get the subtlety right.”~TheRabidFangirl
Dissent aside, the ruling was clear.
“YTA. You agree that the reception was a disaster, but don’t get why she’d want a re-do? If she has 30k she can do what she wants with it.”
“It’s really weird how strongly you feel about HER decision. Just don’t go if you don’t want to. Honestly, this sounds like you just don’t like her in general and will whine about anything she does.”~AHeroToIdolize
Weddings can be stressful.
Welcoming someone to share your life with you is a difficult thing at the best of times.
Perhaps, then, there is nothing better than to know you can always have a do-over.
No matter what anyone says.