Sometimes, the truth shall set people free.
But the truth can often come with hurt feelings.
People don’t always want to hear the truth about themselves because self-reflection can be a bitter pill.
And once someone speaks it, there is no way to take it back.
You can’t unring a bell!
Redditor Mindless-Day5597 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my best friend if she wasn’t always trying to get with my husband, her B[oy]F[riend] wouldn’t have left her?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 F[emale]) have been best friends with ‘Kira’ (27 F) since we were little.”
“We were neighbors, went to the same school, college, etc.”
“She was my M[aid]-O[f]-H[onor] when I married ‘Rowan’ (28 M[ale]), who we went to college with.”
“At first, Kira had a big crush on him, but he started liking me.”
“We slowly got closer and I started liking him too (this was after Kira had told me she’d gotten over it and was dating another guy).”
“But I still felt really guilty and didn’t want to date him if it would hurt Kira.”
“I asked her multiple times if she was okay with it and she said she was, so I thought it was fine.”
“Kira’s been with her latest boyfriend, ‘Adam’ (27 M), for a year or so.”
“However, over the last few months, she’s been acting strange around Rowan.”
“Whenever we’d be hanging out with the three of us, or even with Adam there, she’d always find some way to sit next to Rowan, laugh at everything he said, etc.”
“I didn’t think anything of it initially because I knew that’s kind of her personality, and she and Rowan are friends.”
“But then she started always asking me if Rowan was there before she came over, and if I said no, she’d often suddenly say she couldn’t come, though sometimes she would say that even if I said he was here.”
“Rowan also told me about a comment she made to him once about how he was so patient for putting up with me being ‘too tired to do anything with him’ now that I am pregnant, which I thought was weird.”
“The odd behavior continued, but to be honest, the pregnancy had been keeping me too exhausted to give it a lot more thought, and Rowan seemed as friendly with Kira as always.”
“But two days ago, our mutual friend ‘Shay’ threw a dinner party.”
“Me and Rowan went, as did Kira and Adam.”
“Kira got a bit tipsy, and she kept trying to sit with Rowan and touch him.”
“He excused himself a few times, but she kept finding him.”
“I tried to get her off a few times, and I was getting mad because this was a new line she was crossing.”
“She was slurring about how I ‘stole Rowan from her.'”
“Thankfully Adam was too busy talking to Shay’s husband to hear this, but he definitely saw Kira’s actions.”
“The next afternoon, I was at Shay’s again with some friends when Kira showed up.”
“She was crying about how Adam had broken up with her that day, saying he didn’t think they were going to work out.”
“Everyone was consoling her, but I was just kind of sitting there.”
“I couldn’t help but feel like she brought this upon herself.”
“She asked me ‘Aren’t you going to say something?'”
“So I said, ‘Maybe Adam wouldn’t have left you if you weren’t trying to get with Rowan all the time.'”
“Some of our other friends were shocked to hear this and got mad at Kira.”
“Some got angry with me, saying Kira was just really friendly with everyone, and that was a horrible accusation to make.”
“Kira was upset, saying she couldn’t believe I thought that of her, and maybe we really weren’t that close.”
“She left in tears, and I left soon after, too.”
“Now I don’t know, maybe I was wrong?”
“Kira had been drinking at the dinner party and might not have meant what she said, and the other stuff could’ve been nothing.”
“Maybe this was too harsh to say to her after a breakup, and we could’ve talked privately, not in front of our friends.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Well not entirely.”
“Yes, it was kinda rude to just say that after she had been dumped, but she had been acting like this for a long time.”
“To the point, even Rowan was getting uncomfortable but she still persisted.”
“Getting drunk didn’t help, and I bet Adam did hear her when she said you stole Rowan from her.”
“She’s clearly been jealous this whole time from my point of view.”
“She has yet to move on and has only tried to get closer.”
“Rowan also brought up that comment she said that made both of you uncomfortable about being too tired to do anything.”
“That’s not a normal thing to say to your best friend’s husband.”
“Even as a joke, that’s messed up. NTA.” ~ Aholden-48
“OP just needs to dump Kira as a friend because… Kira is no longer a friend to OP.”
“Kira has made it abundantly clear through actions and comments that she wants OP’s husband… while OP is pregnant.”
“Kira is despicable and should be booted out of OP and her husband’s life.”
“And OP, being drunk did not put those ideas in her head. Being drunk just made Kira stupid enough to express them in public.”
“Alcohol actually did you a favor by having Kira express exactly what she is up to, trying to steal your husband during a window (being pregnant) when OP is most vulnerable due to emotional and physical discombobulation of being in advanced pregnancy.”
“This alone is just plain evil on Kira’s part.”
“NTA, not even in the same universe of being an a**hole, other than A**hole Kira being in the same universe.” ~ chudan_dorik
“I completely agree.”
“While the timing might have been a little harsh, her behavior had been building up to this point, and it’s not fair to expect everyone else to keep brushing it off.”
“Jealousy and inappropriate comments, like the one about being too tired, are crossing boundaries, whether drunk or not.”
“People can only tolerate so much before they speak up.”
“It seems like this needed to be addressed for everyone’s comfort, especially Rowan’s.”
“NTA at all.” ~ Nils8889
“NTA for what you said, but why are you keeping this person in your life?”
“She’s not your friend.”
“She’s been actively sexually harassing your husband, and you continue to keep bringing her around.” ~ Huntress145
“Kira is trying to f**k your husband.”
“She is not your friend at all.”
“You’re NTA for saying that, but YTA for allowing her to make your husband uncomfortable by sexually harassing him.”
“If one of your female friends told you that another friend’s husband was constantly touching her, flirting with her, and making personal comments about her sex life, what would you say?”
“Start standing up for your husband.” ~ RedneckDebutante
“NTA. Drunk minds speak sober thoughts.”
“She meant it.”
“You know she meant it.”
“She just didn’t want the consequences that came with it.”
“She has been sexually harassing your husband for a long time.”
“If you sit down and really talk to your husband, you may be surprised by how extremely uncomfortable he has been with Kira’s behavior for a long time, but that he has kept his mouth shut to preserve your friendship.”
“The truth is that your friendship is over.”
“She has been making plays for your husband in despicable ways, and if he took her up on the offer, she wouldn’t have given you a second thought.”
“It’s up to you to protect your marriage and your husband from people like this.”
“She has successfully manipulated you into allowing this BS for years.”
“Enough is enough.”
“A true friend would never behave this way.”
“And for the record, you didn’t ‘steal’ anything.”
“Your husband is a person, not a possession.”
“Kira is treating him like an object, a prize to be won. He’s not.”
“You asking if she was OK with you dating a man she’d never dated or had any claim over was respectful of your friendship, but it also played into the idea that she had a right to him first.”
“She didn’t, and she doesn’t know.” ~ Cursd818
“NTA. You know your friend well enough to know she was overstepping her bounds and being over-friendly with your husband.”
“You’ve fired a little warning shot to let her know it’s not acceptable.”
“If Kira respects you and your friendship, she’ll back off.”
“If not, you’re better off without that drama in your marriage.” ~ Terrible_Delivery84
“NTA. She’s acting this way because she’s jealous of you.”
“I was a little nervous that your husband is cheating on you with her, and that’s why she’s acting this way.”
“But, when you said you were pregnant,t I got it.”
“You are married and you have a child on the way, you are now 2 steps ‘ahead’ of her in the game of life.”
“She is looking at you and the man she had a crush on and thinking you stole her life.”
“She’s clinging onto your husband because she thinks that maybe she can get him to leave you and break up your family for her.”
“Get this woman out of your life.”
“I swear to God it’s weird that you even let it get this far.”
“Also when your friend is harassing your husband like this, please do something before it gets to this level.” ~ Street_Passage_1151
“You are absolutely NTA!!!”
“You’ve got the feeling that she’s after your husband.”
“My dear friend: trust your guts… if she gets the chance to hop on your husband, she will do it in an instant.”
“It’s not like you’ve got this feeling last week or so… that’s something you watched over a long period of time.”
“And you should sit down with your husband and talk about this.”
“Sure, they are ‘friends,’ but there is a fine line for friends regarding ‘do/don’t.'”
“Looks like she is ‘harassing’ your husband to get his attention…”
“The best would be to stay away from her AND everyone who says you imagine this, because: NO ONE OF THEM IS IN YOUR POSITION!!!” ~ Responsible_Judge007
“NTA, rightly called her out too.”
“It’s literally her actions that got her here.”
“She has no respect for you, your marriage, your husband, and her ex.”
“She is selfish and knows what she is doing.”
“Don’t be naive.”
“She clearly doesn’t care about you.”
“Rightly cut off.” ~ Initial_Buy_4278
“NTA. Could quibble about the timing, but delivering honesty at that particular moment might have been shocking and hurtful, but so was her getting drunk and completely disrespecting you and your relationship with your husband and soon-to-be father of your child.”
“Hopefully the shock will wake her up and make her realize she needs to move on.” ~ EmotionalWishbone
“NTA, however, Kira is not your friend, and the sooner you realize this, the better.”
“She, at some point, will try to steal your husband.”
“Good friends don’t hit on people’s husbands.”
“Your husband is obviously uncomfortable with her, and you do not care about him enough to realize that he is trying not to offend you.”
“You are letting your friend come between you and your husband.”
“Time to distance yourself from this ‘friend.'”
“Only go out with her when your husband isn’t there or end your friendship.” ~ Suitable_Doubt7359
“NTA. She’s not your friend if she’s hitting on your husband to the extent that he has to get away from her.”
“I don’t care that she was drunk; a drunken mind speaks a sober tongue.”
“Forget her and anyone who is ok with her drunken behavior.” ~ Poinsettia917
“NTA. I don’t think you and Kira are friends anymore.”
“If a real friend had a crush on your husband, that friend would avoid him.”
“Maybe doing the public friend breakup was a bit harsh but this way at least you don’t have to explain yourself to mutual friends and can have a clean break from her.”
“Sounds like this will be a relief to your husband, too, whose attempt at tact was ignored by her.”
“Adult friendships have so much more to offer than this.”
“Choose people who love and support you, not someone who’s bringing mean girl vibes.” ~ Lucky-Individual-206
“NTA. She knew what she was doing.”
“The only part where you could be considered the AH is by not nipping this in the bud sooner.” ~ AliCat_82
“NTA. As she no longer has Adam as a brake to her, chasing your husband is likely to make her actions even more obvious.”
“What she said about you stealing Rowan when she was drunk reflected her real feelings.”
“When you feel someone has stolen something, you have the right to steal it back.”
“If you want to carry on being friends with this woman be careful, very careful.”
“Talk to Rowan about cutting her out of your life and see what his thoughts and feelings are.” ~ Pudwas
“Look if she was drunk enough to disregard her boyfriend during the party, she probably said some unhinged s**t to him on the way home that she isn’t disclosing.”
“I would keep my distance from her in the future.”
“It sounds like she makes your husband uncomfortable.” ~ KaleidoscopeGold5635
“NTA, the woman was actively after your husband.”
“You’ve been more than patient, and so has your significant other.” ~ DemenTEDBundy85
“NTA. She said what she did because she really thought that, and the alcohol lowered her inhibitions.”
“She knew better than to say it sober.”
“Dump her.” ~Pkfrompa
“NTA. She deserved this.”
‘That was not a horrible accusation; these other friends had never witnessed her behavior enough.”
“But the comment definitely was justified.” ~ DynkoFromTheNorth
“In vino veritas.”
“She thinks you stole him from her.”
“Her drunken actions are a reflection of her true feelings.”
“NTA, you had every right to call her out.” ~ Minerva786
“NTA, but I’m not sure why you’re still friends with someone who is harassing your husband.” ~ princessofperky
Reddit is loud and clear, OP.
Kira does not sound like a true “friend.”
It also sounds like she’s never gotten over Rowan.
Or perhaps she’s lonely in her own life and she wants what is yours to make herself feel better.
No matter the reason, you did what was best for you and your family.
Stay strong, and good luck.