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Woman Called ‘Ungrateful’ For Being Pissed After Husband Sends Lingerie To Her Office As A ‘Gift’

Photo by Becca Tapert/Unsplash

Everyone loves a nice gift, especially a gift from that special someone.

One thing that seems to get neglected once and awhile is gift delivery.

Not every gift is meant for public consumption.

Sometimes you may just want your person to be unwrapping in private.

If you’re sending in public… flowers are always a sufficient option.

Case in point…

Redditor unfunny432 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for yelling at my husband over the gift he sent me at work?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My husband was away for two weeks.”

“The day before he was scheduled to come back he sent me a gift which was delivered to me at my office.”

“He made it seem like it was something harmless like chocolates or perfume and kept telling me to open it.”

“I did open it and it turned out to be lingerie.”

“It was embarrassing because some of my coworkers saw and made jokes about it.”

“When my husband got home I was still really upset he would send me that at work.”

“I immediately asked him why he had and he just laughed it off and said he wanted to make sure I got it.”

“We had a fight because he was acting like it wasn’t a big deal and I should be happy to see him instead of getting upset over a gift.”

“I did yell at him at one point and he told me he wasn’t going to give me my other gift because I yelled at him and was acting ungrateful.”


Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.

It’s a tricky situation.

Let’s hear some thoughts…

“NTA. Why on earth would he send you lingerie at work?”

“That’s so incredibly inappropriate, it seems like he was intentionally trying to embarrass you.”  ~ yourlittlebirdie

“Yeah like this is just gross. Harming your significant other’s image at work is never ok.”

“OP you should really be cautious about your husband sending you things at work.”

“If he keeps blowing it off and you decide you’re over the relationship though you should send him a large dildo to his office.”

“I’d put money on him changing his tune if you repeated the joke.”  ~ Kcinic

“Not only that: but who does the lingerie benefit most? Her? or is for her to WEAR for him?”

“He sent her a gift that is more for him, to her workplace, to embarrass her, and then implied that SHE was the problem and used it as a threat to not give her gifts anymore.”

“A manipulative, crappy action on so many levels.”  ~ BeatrixFarrand

“That lingerie wasn’t a gift for you, it was a gift for him.”

“And sending it to you at the office was his way of telling all your male co-workers ‘HANDS OFF, I OWN THIS WOMAN!!'”

“You might want to spend some time thinking about whether he’s engaged in other disrespectful or controlling behaviors toward you, and whether you are in a healthy relationship.”

“Because I find it really hard to believe this is the first time your husband has behaved abusively.”   ~ cat-lover76

“Building on this… This move could have gotten her fired as well.”

“If someone she worked with saw it and felt uncomfortable with her having lingerie in her possession in a professional setting.”

“That could constitute sexual harassment in some corporate settings.”

“He could have caused serious repercussions to her career.”  ~ RealisticHumanoid

“I had a boyfriend that sent me something while he was working a month long gig out of town and he sent it to my work because my building isn’t secure.”

“But he was careful to tell me not to open it at work.”

“And it was actually just candy from this local shop.”

“He didn’t want me to open it and have my coworkers asking for some.”  ~ Annual-Contract-115

“Not only inappropriate but I feel like she probably could have gotten in trouble for opening lingerie at work.”

“Seems like a sexual harassment claim waiting to happen.”

“OP is definitely NTA and her husband sounds very immature.”  ~ autotuned_voicemails

“This actually sounds like a non-consensual kink situation.”

“Husband got excited about the idea of OP opening lingerie in a public place where others would see it but he did not get consent from OP or her co-workers to do so.”

“Dude could have gotten her fired. NTA.”   ~ Wynfleue

“NTA, what the hell?”

“That’s an incredibly inappropriate gift to send someone at work.”

“It almost seems intentionally designed to embarrass you.”  ~ Temporary_Badger

“Exactly. Common sense should have told him this was a bad idea.”

“And, the fact that he insisted OP open it at work makes me think this guy wanted to get a reaction out of OP.”

“I had a coworker who received a racy basket at work for Valentine’s Day one year.”

“It had a clear wrapping and was filled with cheap adult toys, lube, edible undies etc – real racy stuff in clear view.”

“It got delivered while she was out so we tried to hide it in a back cubicle since we didn’t know how she would react and her desk was in plain view of our boss/clients.”

“I would have been mortified.”   ~ Electrical-Date-3951

“NTA. Why would he send it to you at work to ensure you got it?”

“Why not send it to you at HOME since you’ve been at home and he’s been traveling?”

“Sounds like he wanted to embarrass you or liked the idea of you getting lingerie at work in front of others. Not cool.”

“And the fact he doesn’t understand why that might be embarrassing shows a real like of empathy for your feelings.”  ~ profmoxie

“NTA. That is a very inappropriate gift to send to someone’s place of employment.”

“Hopefully you don’t have any coworkers who get overly offended.”

“He may just be clueless, but either way the gift was inappropriate, & you have a right to be upset.”  ~ GauntletGirl20

“NTA, it seems like he is trying to manipulate you after the fact by saying ‘I’ll never get you another gift again.'”

“Lingerie at work is highly inappropriate, and since he laughed, it could mean that he either planned to make a scene, or doesn’t understand work/home boundaries.”  ~ Glittercorn111

“NTA. This was an extremely inappropriate gift to send you at work, and it’s completely fair that you would be upset about it.”

“On top of that, he didn’t respect your feelings when you said that it was a big deal to you.”

“I’d be demanding an apology.”  ~ rainblowfish_

“NTA. I  can actually understand getting something delivered to work.”

“If you’ve got concerns about porch pirates, or even if you don’t want kids to open something (which would apply here), whatever.”

“It’s also something that could have easily been avoided with a note on the packaging ‘Do Not Open Until I am Home,’ or an email saying ‘hey I’ve sent you a surprise.'”

“‘But don’t open it at work.’ I mean, you received it.”

“You know it’s from him. It’s not like any surprise is ruined by this.”

“Hubby didn’t think it through and is being a jacka** because you are calling him out on his.” jacka**ery

“NTA If someone was offended by you having lingerie at work and complained you could have a sexual harassment write up what is wrong with him?? “

“Like seriously, does he have a sex addiction or is he trying to get you in trouble at work??”  ~ TheMostOfMe

“NTA. If you work in an office that alone can result in Sexual harassment.”

“Doesn’t have to be pointed at anybody if anybody looks over at you and sees that they can report you for sexual harassment.”

“I let him look up what kind of things are appropriate to be sending to a workplace setting as a gift.”

“Better yet does your husband work in an office?”

“Ask him how he would feel if his boss saw that you gave him a gift with a c**k ring and a chastity belt?”   ~ RedChaoticPanda

“I was going to go with YTA when I read your title (I mean who wouldn’t like surprise gifts from their spouses?), but then immediately decided with NTA when I saw it was lingerie!!”

“That was incredibly inappropriate to send to your job, let alone force you to open it at work!”

“What if you got in trouble at work for that kind of thing? Totally NTA.”  ~ GreedoTheFett

“NTA. Sorry to say it but this is really coming from a place of privilege.”

“Sexual gifts at work is never going to be professional.”

“But women receiving sexual gifts at the office stand to lose a lot more respect than a man receiving the same.”  ~L adyughsalot1

“NTA – send a bottle of viagra to him at his office.”  ~ geomouse

Well it seems like Reddit doesn’t want lingerie at work either.

Maybe OP and her partner can sit down and read through this together, and come to an understanding.

And next time… flowers.

They’re so easy.