Money between family is a sensitive subject. You may want to really help out family members, but it might also cause even more division.
When National_Ad_4298 tried to avoid this situation, her family made it difficult. Her sister’s personal situation, especially with her husband, made things more difficult.
The original poster (OP) isn’t sure if she made the right choice, and decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit about it.
OP’s sister is at the center of the issue.
“AITA for not giving any of my winnings to my sister and BIL?”
What happened to cause this fight?
“I(24F[emale]) went to celebrate my birthday at a local casino with a few friends and my boyfriend. I ended up winning a large amount.”
“Everyone was super excited and we all went out to dinner to celebrate. We went back home the next day and went to my parents house for a nice dinner.”
“My sister(26F) and her husband(28M[ale]) were at the celebration dinner. My sister and I dropped contact when she met her husband and become an addict.”
“My parents did try and help them, but they told them to back off. I could tell when I walked in that my sister was not herself.”
“I did my best to ignore any comments and it ended up being a nice time.”
“My parents asked how we did at the casino and we told them in private my winnings. My mom does have a big mouth and shouted the amount to everyone present.”
“My sister walks over and asks if she and BIL can have half to use for a new place. She was begging me to help her and I told her no, because I know what you will use the money on.”
“My boyfriend stepped in and told her to leave me alone. She looked me in the eyes and said I was trying to re-build our relationship, I guess you feel differently.”
“She left with BIL and have not heard anything. My parents think I should not have been so harsh.”
OP isn’t sure if she’s wrong because her sister and BIL may have actually used the money for a place to live, and she could have helped. Her parents’ opinion also has her questioning.
Other Redditors judged OP by including one of the following in their comments:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
The commenters didn’t think OP had an obligation to help her sister, and many thought the addiction angle didn’t help. Her parents thinking she was harsh, doesn’t mean OP was wrong.
This was the logic commenters had to declare OP NTA.
“NTA you don’t rebuild a relationship by asking for money.” – herecosimabored
“NTA You know you aren’t. Having a close relative that is an addict is never easy.”
“That said, even if she wasn’t an addict, you would be NTA. You aren’t required to give anyone money” – cosimocxvzxfa
“NTA. Your mother screwed up, and your sister and BIL are delusional to ask for half your winnings. So suddenly she is ‘trying to rebuild your relationship’ when you have something she wants.”
“Don’t give her the money, and don’t let this spoil your happiness about your win. Congratulations, OP! Enjoy your winnings!” – Alarmed-Hamster-4047
“That’s not ‘rebuilding’ your relationship, that’s taking advantage of your relationship to scheme your way into some money.” – joec_95123
“NTA – And you need to cut all contact with your sister and your parents, if they’re supporting her being an addict. An addict will drain you of everything – your money, your relationships, your physical and mental health…”
“And any relationship based on money isn’t real.” – BookReader1328
Some of the commenters were focused on the mom. The fact she had to blurt out the winnings and then call OP harsh for saying no didn’t sit right with people.
They recommended OP don’t trust Mom anymore.
“Very. Even if sis wasn’t abusing substances, it is very bold to just come up to someone and ask for half of their casino winnings upon hearing their good fortune.”
“Also, the mom needs to chill. That wasn’t her news to tell. OP, you may want to keep certain things to yourself in the future, because this whole situation could have been avoided if mom had been discreet.” – Electrical-Date-3951
“Your mom is TAH. But you did make a major blunder here.”
“You know your mom has a big mouth, so why did you tell her the amount? You should have known that she would blab.”
“You could have just said you had some minor winnings and left it at that. And if they push just tell them that Uncle Sam already knows. With age and experience comes discretion.” – Pfred0
“Agreed this is why you never tell anyone when you win money if it’s a large amount I doubt the sister will be the only family member to ask for a handout once word spreads” – Shonni23
“Stop telling your mom private information. NTA” – quack2thefuture2
“Your mom was the AH here. NEVER trust her with anything again.”
“And obviously your sister – she was just after your money.” – AccomplishedJump5402
“This is exactly why you keep unexpected/sudden wealth as secret as possible. OP will get (or probably has already gotten) requests from relatives, acquaintances and strangers for money…whether it’s a business plan, sob story, or just a straight up demand.”
“A little late but OP should see a lawyer and tax professional ASAP to decide what to do with the money, ie invest it, put it in trust. The last thing they should do is leave it lying around at home, under their bed….” – Lilpanda20
The commenters don’t think OP was wrong to withhold the money, and place greater blame on OP’s mom. OP doesn’t need to feel guilty about telling her sister ‘no’ but that doesn’t mean it’s that simple.
It’s understandable that OP would feel guilty, but her sister had other things to worry about other than a major windfall her sister received.