Fashion is everywhere.
Everything we wear is a form of fashion, and it says something.
Something personal.
Even just throwing on wrinkled shorts and a tee to grab a pack of cigarettes at the bodega says something
It says.. “I’m me, I’m comfy and I’ll wear what I like.”
Which is everyone’s right. Isn’t it?
Case in point…
Redditor Dry_Mention_8584 wanted to discuss her story for some feedback. So naturally she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for claiming that my SIL’s dressing inappropriately?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My S[ister] I[n] L[aw] is my younger brother’s fiancée and soon to be wife.”
“Both her and my brother are 26.”
“I met her when she was 18 when she first started dating him and we had a pretty good relationship.”
“Since then she’s been wearing lots of revealing outfits.”
“At first I wouldn’t comment on it but as my brother’s relationship with her got serious, my parents and I believed we should tell my brother to tell her to dress more appropriately.”
“Whenever we’d bring it up to my brother he’d get mad and told us to mind our business.”
“Once they got engaged we believed that finally she’d be more serious and look out for her image as she’s supposed to be a wife soon enough and later a mother.”
“We were wrong. She didn’t only not start dressing more appropriately but she got worse.”
“Whenever we’d bring it up to my brother he’d tell us we can’t police what she wears but he wouldn’t understand how it’s just disrespectful of her.”
“To be honest she didn’t dress in revealing outfits in family gatherings like Xmas or Thanksgiving.”
“But she’d wear those outfits on her bday or my brother’s bday or whenever they’d hang out alone or with friends.”
“My brother’s bday was last week and we were invited to his party.”
“Before that my parents and I agreed that if she’s dressed inappropriately again I’ll call her out because my brother is spineless and won’t ever do that.”
“As always she was dressed inappropriately.”
“She wore some skintight pants and a crop top that looked like a bra.”
“I took her aside and told her that she should start behaving like a serious engaged woman because that’s not a look a woman in a committed relationship should have, since its disrespectful towards my brother but also us.”
“She cursed me out and then told my brother who also cursed me out and kicked me and our parents out of the party.”
“Friends and relatives who were there partly agreed with me and said that she’s dressing inappropriately but that I also crossed the line and should keep my opinion to myself.”
“My brother’s friends on the other hand apparently all believe I am TA and that it’s none of my business how SIL dresses.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP WAS the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“OP is a woman, which just blows my mind.”
“The internalized misogyny makes me feel bad for her — but she’s still TA.” ~ Electronic_Rush_9444
“Imagine sincerely believing that getting married is supposed to automatically change the way you dress yourself.”
“Like…why? For what reason? Is getting married like enlisting in the military, complete with uniforms?” ~ DiTrastevere
“I mean if you ask my ex husband, yes it is.”
“His controlling behavior gradually started immediately after we got married and it was so subtle that I didn’t realize it was happening for a long time.”
“By the time I realized how messed up it was I’d reached the point that I’d be only picking out clothes he would approve of, or speaking to people he allowed me to, etc.”
“I could ramble on for ages.”
“Fortunately I am well rid of that person and life and doing much better. OP, YTA.”
“I don’t know if this way of thinking is cultural, or just flat out misogyny for misogyny’s sake but no, you do not get to tell someone how to dress.”
“Especially since it seems like she is respectful to your family’s antiquated ideas of a wife at more formal functions.” ~ __save_bandit
“I’m around 30ish and my partner is 6+ yrs older than me, we’ve been together 7yrs…”
“And he wants me to dress sexier at times.”
“I work in corporate so my day-to-day is very simple with put together blouses with dark jeans, flats/heels, and a cardigan.”
“So when it’s the weekend or we’re at home?”
“Whip out that crop top and short shorts, that dress is not too short to wear when we’re out by ourselves.”
“And if that bikini shows a little more cheek than I prefer, that’s for wearing on our alone beach days.”
“I can’t imagine being told I was dressed too provocatively while out for a party because I’m going to be a wife.”
“OP is a major AH.” ~ pterodactylcrab
“I think I’m smelling some jealousy around here.”
“If your brother had an issue I think he would have addressed it.”
“It’s her body her choice to wear what ever the hell she wants.”
“She should be still cussing you and your parents out, go get a life of your own.” ~ blackrose_73
“If we have to throw out speculations about OP’s motives I’d put my money on this being something her parents taught her that she never bothered to unlearn as an adult.”
“It’s genuinely so weird how throughout the post a 27+ year is repeatedly consulting their parents about another adult’s choices (that in no way affect them) and how to ‘reprimand’ her.”
“They’re acting as if she came into their house and started pissing on their furniture instead of wearing some clothes.” ~ jess-the_mess
“We got ourselves another foot soldier of the patriarchy. OP, YTA.”
“What she wears is none of your business and “appropriate” is entirely subjective.”
“Focus on your own body/attire. It’s the only one you are morally allowed to critique.” ~ recklessrawly
“YTA. It is none of your business how your SIL — or ANY woman — chooses to dress.”
“This is the same kind of misogyny that leads to defense attorneys asking rape victims what they were wearing when they were attacked.”
“You call your brother spineless, but he sure as f**k had the b*lls to tell you where to get off.”
“You owe your SIL a sincere apology, and you should never comment on ANY woman’s clothes ever again, unless you’re complimenting her.”
“It’s 2022, not 1899. Get over yourself.” ~Electronic_Rush_9444
“I could maybe sort of see being prickly about someone dressing kind of overtly sexual to someone else’s wedding or something.”
“And I’m talking like a Kendall Jenner at a wedding dress… and I doubt I would say anything but would quietly judge.”
“But we have no context to what this woman considered ‘inappropriate’ and using that you are trying to protect her image as a wife and mother???”
“🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️ Op is TA.” ~Banana_stand317
“We do have an example.”
“She was wearing skin tight pants and a crop top.”
“Which sounds like the athleisure stuff instagram influencers wear.”
“Which IMO, I think is hideous but is hardly ‘inappropriate’ unless a) in a formal setting b) in a religion that insists on modesty or c) you think it’s the 1800s.”
O”P you are absolutely YTA.”
“Unless she’s wearing a bikini to a black tie wedding, your opinion isn’t needed or wanted.” ~ AnneMichelle98
“YTA, she can dress how she wants.”
“It’s not like she was being disrespectful at a funeral or anything, she’s wearing party clothes to parties.”
“Hop off, there’s no way an engaged woman ‘should’ dress or act and clearly it works for her and your brother.”
“The misogyny is strong in this one.” ~ og_kitten_mittens
“This is a joke, right?”
“Dressing inappropriately for a woman that’s supposed to get married?”
“People say this s**t in 2022, as if women morph into nuns in turtlenecks at the altar?”
“Yes, YTA.”
“Mind your own business and stop being so judgemental about something that has absolutely nothing to do with you, and impacts you zero percent.” ~ chronicpainprincess
“So by your own admission she changes her clothing style to make you comfortable at family functions but that’s not enough for you.”
“You want her to completely change her entire wardrobe around you idea of how committed relationship women should dress.”
“Your poor spouse probably only gets flowers on valentine’s day and sex on bank holidays too right?”
“Because you don’t actually care about women just how they look.”
“YTA and stuck in the past.”
“Keep your misogyny to yourself and maybe do some deep reflection on why you care so much about someone else’s relationship.” ~ Active_Ad3177
“Wow. YTA.”
“First, how someone else dresses is never your business (unless you are implementing a work dress code or something).”
“Second, what the hell is a ‘serious engaged woman?'”
“We don’t become someone else and change ourselves when we get engaged.”
“The point is that the person loves us for who we are.”
“Third, your brother obviously doesn’t care and may like how she dresses.”
“I could go on. Damn, AH.” ~ Poor-Decision1979
Sounds like OP has some serious thinking to do.
Reddit wants SIL to wear what she loves.
You don’t have to agree, but it would be easier to at least make peace.