in ,

Woman Furious When She’s Disinvited From Friend’s Wedding After Buying Expensive Suit To Be ‘Best Man’

Indeed/Getty Images

They may be meant to be happy, celebratory occasions, but weddings tend to bring out the worst in some people.

Unfortunately, the happy occasions can even end friendships, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Tessy23 was furious to hear that her lifelong friends had decided to elope after all the time and money she spent in helping them prepare for their wedding.

When they were unwilling to compromise with her, the Original Poster (OP) questioned their friendship.

She asked the sub:

“AITA for asking my best friend to pay for my clothes for his wedding?”

The OP had known the happy couple for years.

“I (29 [Female]) have a best friend Tom (29 [Male]) with whom I have been friends for 23 years.”

“10 years ago, I kinda played matchmaker and introduced him to my high school friend, Emma (29 [Female]). They matched together perfectly and since then they’ve been happy.”

“2 years ago, I helped him create a pretty elaborate engagement proposal, and she accepted.”

She also agreed to be a female Best Man.

“A month later, Tom asked me to be his best man and I accepted as well.”

“Since then, Emma started to make big plans for the wedding and kinda kept me busy all the time, asking what Tom said about this and about that – does he really like the flowers and so on.”

“She asked me if I could wear a suit, not dress, for the wedding, since I would be walking with her sister as the best man.”

“I was a bit hesitant but finally I agreed, and we picked tailored suit for me, since I have quite big breasts and nothing in store fitted me properly.”

“I spent about $300 on the suit, shoes, and a nice white shirt.”

The OP later received disappointing news. 

“On Wednesday, she called me and told me, they are basically canceling the wedding and they decided to elope on Friday, as they were planning for some time already.”

“She also informed me I am not invited anymore because she wants just her sister and my BF’s brothers there.”

“I was shocked and asked her how long did she know about it.”

“She explained that it was a possibility from the beginning and they discussed it several months ago.”

The OP inquired about compensation.

“It p**sed me off because I spend hours going through wedding stuff with her and also I spent money on the tailored suit she persuaded me to buy for the wedding.”

“I told her she could have decided before she made me spend money and put all the effort into something that is not going to happen.”

“I also asked her to pay for my suit since I am not gonna give it any use.”

“Emma got angry, told me I am a jerk for not being happy for them, and that she is not gonna pay me anything since it’s a black suit I can use for plenty of occasions.”

“Tom later called me to apologize for not telling me sooner, but he also thinks I am unreasonable for wanting them to pay for the suit.”

“Also, he told me Emma does not want me at the wedding, because she thinks the best man should be a man.”

“I told him to cut the crap, hung the phone, and haven’t spoken to either one of them since.”

“Tom sent me some photos of their rings and of them as newlyweds, but I did not reply.”

“So Reddit, AITA?”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said the couple was incredibly inconsiderate. 

“NTA – you don’t have eloping in mind and not tell your wedding party before they spend money on their outfits. I’d be livid.”

“Your friends definitely need to refund you. If not, it’s very telling what kind of people they are.”

“It’s one thing if the relationship ended or something out of their control caused things to change… I’d be a little more forgiving. But this was a choice they made and thought about from day one.” – cityzombie

“This makes me wonder how good of friends they really are. I mean, if he’s her best friend and she set him up with a good friend, wouldn’t you think they’d let her in on the potential plan? I would feel obligated to say something so they wouldn’t pay for something they couldn’t use.” – 1Sluggo

“As a female, I’ve been best man at two weddings where I wore a dress at both.”

“It’s becoming more common now and Emma sounds a bit ridiculous and threatened by you. Tom sounds like he’s lost his backbone.”

“It was inconsiderate of both of them to have you pay for a tailored suit you cannot return, cancel the wedding, uninvite you because you don’t have a penis, and they have the balls to tell you you’re being unreasonable while being so accommodating throughout this up until the suit issue. NTA.” – Saraqael_Rising

“Seriously… OP set them up and they’ve been together for years, you’d think Emma would be over whatever petty insecurities she may have had about her partner being friends with someone of the other gender.”

“Also, pretending anyone is ever going to wear what they wore to your wedding, to something else, is a silly myth American brides tell themselves to feel better about making their bridesmaids spend too much money on dresses.”

“It’s never true. We need to do like the British and have the couple (or their parents or whatever) pay for their attendant’s clothes if they specify a certain dress or suit HAS to be worn.”

“I think Emma should pay for the suit. But I don’t think taking her to a small claims court is the way to go, and I don’t think she’s going to change her mind and give up the money. Definitely feel free to return whatever their wedding present was though…” – OrindaSarnia

Others agreed and recommended the OP cut ties with them. 

“NTA in any way. In fact, I’m p**sed off just hearing this story. Your ‘friends’ are self-centered, inconsiderate AHs. I would completely cut them off until they made it right.” – TuckerCarlsonsOhFace

“You are NTA but they both definitely are. My unsolicited advice is if they won’t reimburse at least half, then you should take the $300 loss and cut ties with them both. You don’t need people like that in your life.” – Trae74

“If they had just eloped from the beginning, there would be no a**holes anywhere. I fully support eloping and not having a whole bunch of people.”

“However, since Tom and Emma invited their siblings to their ‘elopement’ (which I don’t frankly think should count as an elopement), they could have at least had OP there, especially since she already sprung for the suit.”

“Obviously, the problem is that Emma is threatened by OP and wanted her out of the picture from the beginning. OP will be better off without Tom and Emma in her life going forward.” – Libba_Loo

“NTA. Sounds like Emma was insecure about you being the best man. It’s weird Emma put you through getting a tailored suit and all the wedding planning stuff.”

“Cut them out. This won’t end well either way, neither of you guys will ever forget what happened, and you should just all move on.”

“Sorry OP, you’re not getting your money back.” – Super_Ad5277

Some shared what they would do with such a nice suit. 

“NTA, definitely. I’m chiming in to tell you that I (a woman) bought a suit for my Mum’s wedding.”

“I now wear it to every black tie/fancy party event ever because women in suits/tuxes look AMAZING.”

“Chin up, and take a look at pictures online of how to style your suit and look gorgeous, feminine, and confident AF. Enjoy your suit.” – Ilovefrogsx

“As a wedding gift, I’d just send them a $1 postcard, telling them I thought about it and decided that they meant more to me than some crappy gift they’ll forget I gave them in a couple of years… so I hope that over the next 10 years, every time they see me wearing my fancy suit, it brings them all the joy that their wedding brought me.”

“It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving! Then I’d do really stupid stuff with the suit and post it on social media…or wear it to absolutely everything I knew they’d be at.”

“Then, when people comment to me about it, I’d say, ‘Oh yeah, it’s nice, huh? I paid $300 for it because I thought I’d be wearing it to my two best friends’ wedding.'”

“I’d continue, ‘But they decided to elope instead. Got to get some use out of it since they didn’t think they should tell me before I bought it and knew I couldn’t return it.'”

“Ok… maybe I wouldn’t say that last part, but I’d think of something.” – samidale21

“I’m thinking I’d wreck it and do a zombie accountant costume or groom or something for the next Halloween.”

“But yeah, OP has spent 300+ dollars, so no wedding present needed.” – PinkyAlpaca

“NTA – that is SO inconsiderate. The eloping is whatever, and only wanting blood family there sucks, but I can also get my head around that.”

“What pushes it over the edge is that they put all these demands on you and didn’t clue you in that they always had a plan to elope as well. That really sucks, and they owe you at least part of the cost for the suit.”

“And/or you have a lifetime of suit-based Halloween costumes to plan.” – Exciting-Doughnut307

The OP had slightly mixed feelings after asking her old friends to pay for the suit she would no longer be using, but the subReddit agreed with her asking for it, as well as cutting the couple off. They were incredibly inconsiderate in how they handled the situation and hardly seemed empathetic at all.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit