When we agree to marry someone, we’re obviously more than likely hoping that the relationship will last forever.
But the relationship doesn’t have to last forever, just for the sake of lasting forever, when someone starts cheating, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor Lopsided_Profile_653 found out while her future husband was on a work trip that he had been cheating on her for at least nine months, which meant that he had already been cheating on her before he even proposed to her.
Since she had big plans for her life and also wanted to start a family, the Original Poster (OP) didn’t see the point of wasting any more time on the relationship and moved on while he was still away.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for blocking and silently moving on from my cheating fiancé?”
While her future husband was on a work trip, the OP discovered he had been cheating.
“I (31 Female) dated my ex-fiance Jose (33 Male) for five years, and we had been engaged for about six ‘official’ months.”
“We had a really good relationship. I thought he and I were going to end up being together for the rest of our lives and build a family.”
“To make a long story short, I found out he had been cheating on me with a coworker for about nine months (yes, before the engagement even started).”
“I was working on the downstairs computer when an email came through in Outlook (from what I knew, we only had Gmail accounts). I clicked the tab and saw tons of recent emails of orders for a bunch of… products (things like Lubracil, KY, etc.). I knew we weren’t using anything like that, so instantly got suspicious.”
“I started to look around the email a bit and didn’t really find much. However, I wasn’t reading anything sent from his company’s work address.”
“Eventually, I clicked into several sneaky-looking work emails. And yeah… The emails were pretty sexual and had times of them meeting up, going out, being intimate, etc. for the last nine months, at least.”
The OP decided there was no point in wasting any more time on the relationship.
“At first, I was beyond mad, and my first impulse was to find ways to literally ruin his and her life.”
“But honestly, after about 16 hours of thinking (and crying) about it (he was on a work trip, leaving me alone to stew in it and process), I figured anything I did would be a waste of time.”
“Since my goal was to start a family, I felt like I didn’t really have any more time to waste on someone who obviously wasn’t going to be in my life in the long term (or short-term).”
“So I just… let go?”
“I packed all my things, asked my dad to help me move them back into the family home so I could get situated, and literally just started moving forward with my life.”
“I just let him have anything that was ‘ours.’ Something about those items seemed foreign to me now, and I didn’t really want to associate with it.”
“I left the ring at the house.”
The OP’s ex-fiancé started trying to reach out to her, but she refused to talk.
“While all this was going on, he had called me and sent me messages, which I didn’t reply to. By about halfway through the second day, while I was moving my stuff, he started to really push the envelope on getting me on the phone, but I just continued to dodge.”
“I had to un-do some things (there were no joint bank accounts, but some other accounts/things that we shared) that I had to untangle, but our lives were pretty separate.”
“By the third day, still without saying anything to him, I blocked him and asked my parents not to discuss anything with him (they, of course, knew what had happened).”
“I told them they were more than welcome to maintain a relationship with him if they chose (my dad loved him), but I asked them not to discuss or talk about me at all.”
“After his week-long business trip, he showed up at my parents’ house, but I told my dad I had nothing to say to him and to please get him to go away.”
The OP’s parents started trying to push her to do something she wasn’t comfortable with.
“Now, it’s been about two weeks, and he hasn’t been back since, so I’ve still not talked to him (still blocked).”
“I feel like I’ve really made an effort to move on with my life. I’m touring nearby apartments and hope to have my own lease signed by the end of the month.”
“I really just felt like there wasn’t anything to talk about, and I didn’t feel like I owed someone who would do something like that to me anything, even a conversation.”
“This morning, while discussing my plans, etc., my parents basically sat me down and asked me to talk over everything with him.”
“They figure I will regret it in the future, that mistakes happen, that without his ‘confessions,’ I couldn’t be 100 percent sure that he cheated, etc., etc.”
“I told them that I didn’t really want to waste any more time on the situation and that, while I was being selfish, I didn’t think hearing his ‘side’ would help me in healing in any way.”
“My Mom and I got into a pretty heated argument.”
“Eventually, she told me she raised a more compassionate and caring daughter than that. She said that she ‘raised me better than that,’ basically, and I blew up at her for that.”
“Why do I owe a cheater anything?”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP she was NTA but to distance herself from her parents for a while.
“NTA, and I’m a suspicious b***h, so I’m fairly certain at least one of your parents are in contact with him and he’s spinning them some bulls**t story about what the cheating ‘actually’ was.”
“Put your parents on an information diet. Tell them clearly that they are not to disclose your new location.”
“You showed maturity and grace. You stood up for yourself. NTA.”
“There is absolutely nothing to regret. And why on earth would anyone want to be compassionate to a cheater and liar? No regrets. Hold your head up high and move on.” – messy_thoughts47
“I bet the mom is staying in contact with the ex, and that’s why she is mad at OP and stated she thought she raised a more compassionate daughter and wants her to hear his side.”
“Why would she care what his side was? If I had a daughter and someone hurt her. no matter how much I liked that person I stand by her. Because that person hurt my daughter.”
“OP was compassionate and caring, and that’s why she didn’t cheat…” – lavatree101
“My vote’s that the mom cheated before and the dad forgave her or was not aware of it (yet). She’s projecting because she’s afraid her husband might realize you don’t have to take back the cheater.”
“My mom cheated on my dad and she is still in contact with my abusive ex. She has a secret phone that she uses to call people like him so that my dad and I don’t find out. Too bad for my mom; we’re way smarter than her lol. Birds of a feather, for real.”
“If my son got hurt by someone, I’d drop them like a hot potato and support my son in any possible way I could. I would not be advocating for him to go back into the lion’s den, so to speak. The traitor would be dead to me lol. This goes for anyone I love, really. You hurt them, you’re out.”
“Speaking as someone whose mom is a snake in a myriad of ways, OP should consider re-evaluating her relationship with her mom. Low or no contact might be a solution. Dad sounds like a solid dude who is protective of his daughter.” – Alive_Channel8095
“OP is certainly NTA and doesn’t owe a cheater a d**ned thing.”
“And if her parents keep pushing her to meet with the cheater or they decide to continue to have a relationship with the cheater, then OP should cut the parents off.”
“She should sign a short-term rental agreement to see how it goes from the parents’ side and then move away if they choose the cheater over the daughter because it would certainly say a lot about their love and loyalty.” – SummerIceCream3893
“There is no such thing as ‘one affair isn’t a big deal.’ How many affairs, and for how long, are they considered ‘forgivable’? Why do they get to decide for you how you should feel?”
“Everyone is trying to gaslight you. Block them and tell them that, until they are on your side, you, the victim, will not be communicating with them. Why are they taking a cheater’s word? Your trust is broken and will never be restored no matter how much they want it. How do they explain nine months of cheating? This was no one-night stand or a simple mistake.”
“Move on with your life with those who support you, not the cheater and his enablers. NTA.” – babcock27
Others agreed and applauded the OP for holding her own so gracefully.
“NTA. I’m 100% with you. He does not deserve any explanation and I doubt you will ever regret keeping your distance with a cheater.”
“Pretty sure just completely ghosting him without explanation is the best. He knows why and yet will always have this nagging doubt. And he will always be wondering how you found out (that is if your parents didn’t tell him). Meeting him will only give closure to him, you already have yours.”
“I don’t get why some people always claim “mistakes”. A mistake would be taking her hand when thinking it was you. Planning hidden meetings and sleeping with her is cheating… even if it was done once.”
“Fun fact: After some time, I used the same answer to friends of mine who pushed me to ‘give another chance’ because it was just a mistake. I said, ‘You are right, so you are okay if I go out with your girlfriend/wife tonight and we end up making a mistake for a few months, right?’ Changed their perspective pretty fast.” – forever_single_now
“You’ve shown enough compassion by not burning down the rest of his life on your way out the door.”
“You could’ve emailed the affair partner from a burner account of your own, like, ‘Hi! Did you know, when you started seeing each other nine months ago, that he was already in a committed relationship? Did you know we got engaged six months ago?’ That’s okay. His two-timing a** is all yours. I’m done. I want only trustworthy people in my life. Peace out.'”
“Or you could’ve forwarded his steamy emails to people he’d never have wanted to see them.”
“You did none of that. You just got up and walked out. Your parents should be proud that you took the high road instead of going scorched earth.”
“NTA in the slightest!” – Either_Coconut
“Moving on like you did is possibly the ultimate revenge! Not allowing the cheater any way to justify or explain their actions and giving them no chance for closure is the ultimate in head games!” – oxbison12
“Nine months of f**king somebody else doesn’t require any context.”
“Why listen to that loser try to make himself feel better by saying how much he really loved OP?”
“He was about to break it off. It got out of hand. He didn’t mean for it to go that far. He always felt bad about it. Now he knows you’re the one for him. He can’t bear for you to be the one who got away, blah blah blah.”
“There you go, OP. That’s all he was likely to say anyway. Consider it done and keep on moving on.” – Foolish-Pleasure99
“NTA, FULL STOP. You handled a gut-wrenching situation with maturity. Packing up and moving on without causing a scene is a ballsy move. The audacity to suggest you might regret not hearing his “confessions” is some grade-A nonsense.”
“Cheating is a deal-breaker for many, and it’s clear as day it is for you too. You don’t owe him a conversation or closure. Him cheating was HIS choice, and moving on silently is YOURS.”
“Props for keeping it classy and respecting yourself enough to walk away without looking back. Don’t let anyone guilt you into thinking you need to hear him out. Stay strong and keep moving forward!” – Interesting-Bee757
The subReddit was full of resounding applause for how the OP handled this situation and how she stood up for herself. Though her parents were concerned that she was moving on too quickly, it seemed more likely that cheating was a major deal breaker for her, and respecting your own boundaries is the greatest show of self-respect.