Hidden disabilities and illnesses are just as their name implies, ones that cannot be seen by the casual observer. For those people with such a disability or illness, getting the same considerations as people with visible ailments is a challenge.
A woman faced just such an issue. After handling it in the best way she knew how, she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” subReddit to ask for feedback.
Redditor sweetassugarcoldas asked:
“AITA for telling my friend that she is only welcome at my house if she doesn’t bring her husband?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So I have severe epilepsy and have a service dog Onyx. Now Onyx does have time to cuddle and relax and be at rest and just be a dog.”
“But when he is working he is WORKING at keeping me alive. He’s saved my life multiple times.”
“Now my friend has been coming over a lot recently to visit. I love her but have an issue with her husband.”
“He’s one of those types who harbors the belief that having a d*ck makes him superior to women. He also doesn’t believe in invisible disabilities and because of Onyx he’s never seen me have a seizure.”
“Last week they came over and her husband was being playful with Onyx which was fine as he was at rest. A little while later though the husband began asking if he could dogsit sometime bring Onyx to their place for a sleepover.”
“I said no and explained AGAIN that Onyx is a service dog and I needed him to ya know…… Stay alive. Her husband got an attitude and told me Onyx wasn’t a machine and I had no right to deprive him of fun.”
“Then he pulled the I’m a man so I know more than you card by explaining that I was wrong and he was right and I could go one night without Onyx and control my seizures.”
“All this time my friend sat on the couch saying nothing.”
“I asked him to leave and after some huffing and puffing about how rude I am and what happened to manners and Onyx would’ve had fun, they both did.”
“Now today my friend called asking if they could stop by. I explained that I would love to have her over but her husband was no longer welcome.”
“She got upset and told me that he was just like that and it was hard to tell sometimes because he had never seen me have a full blown seizure. I got kinda mad and sarcastically asked her if I should purposely cause a seizure so her husband was comfortable.”
“She just kept repeating that he meant no harm and wanted Onyx to have fun. I just told her again that she is welcome but he is not.”
“I feel awful and feel like I’m creating an issue but that man is just toxic energy and I worry that his disbelief of my need for a service animal will cause him to do something completely crazy.”
“I had to work with Onyx for two weeks at a training center before I could even bring him home so he knew exactly how to help me i.e read my body and triggers and so we worked together and we’re completely in synch.”
“He’s extremely well trained and I feel like that might have something to do with this.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Redditors were of one mind on this issue.
“NTA. Her: ‘he’s just like that’.”
“Response: ‘and he’s perfectly welcome to be like that absolutely anywhere except in my home’.” ~ SeePerspectives
“I always find that such a weird defense. It’s like saying ‘don’t worry, his sh*ttyness is core to his being—not some surface level sh*ttyness he could overcome with a little work’.”
“Like, is that better?” ~ TheBaddestPatsy
“Yeah I’ve never understood how people think this justifies anything:”
“‘Oh he’s just a bad person in general it’s no big deal please let him come over again. He’ll continue being a bad person but you should still accommodate him because he’s too immature to change’.” ~ Blobbyo25
“NTA. You get to choose who you invite into your home.”
“Since his argument is that you’d be fine one night without Onyx, tell your friend that she’ll be fine for a couple of hours without her husband.” ~ SeethingHeathen
“What gets me is his sense of entitlement to somebody else’s dog.”
“Does anybody ever visit their wife’s friends (not even their own friend) and demand they give them their dog for a sleepover? Is he five f’king years old? Get your own dog you a**hole, what even?”
“Even if Onyx wasn’t a service animal, imagine demanding a friend of your wife gives you their dog to sleepover? What the actual f’k?” ~ tpdrought
Redditors all agreed she was not the a**hole. Who was welcome in her home was her decision and didn’t need to be justified to anyone.