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Woman Told She’s ‘Not Dateable’ After She Had A Threesome With Her Boyfriend And His Best Friend

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Sexual experimentation with a partner can strengthen a relationship.

Or it can destroy it if either party is not completely honest.

A 25-year-old woman is dealing with the aftermath of a little sexual experimentation with her 26 year-old boyfriend and his also 26-year-old best male friend.

Not sure what to do, she turned to the Relationship Advice subReddit for help.

Redditor throwra_05578 posted:

“I lost my virginity to someone I trusted, then I had a threesome with him and his best friend.”

“Now he says I’m no longer dateable.”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“So I have never been the type to even casually kiss people, let alone hookup. I was a virgin until this summer, and decided to wait until I really trusted someone and thought that we were actually going to date and go far in a relationship.”

“Brad (not real name) pursued me for months before I agreed to go on a date. Through hanging out I realized what a great guy he was, but told him I wanted to take things extremely slow after he asked me to be in an official relationship.”

“I said I wanted to, but I wanted to get to know him better. We developed a lot of trust and then this summer had sex for the first time.”

“The whole time we were hanging out, his roommate John would jokingly make passes at me and ‘hit’ on me in front of Brad. I asked Brad if the jokes bothered him and why did he not tell him to knock it off, but he told me he thought it was funny and wasn’t jealous at all.”

“So I said okay, it doesn’t really bother me if it doesn’t bother you.”

“Fast forward to last month when I’m at their house. We had a couple drinks and made dinner, then during watching a movie the topic of kissing came up and Brad said I should kiss John.”

“Which I obviously thought was a joke so I said no. One thing led to another and the atmosphere felt so open and comfortable I actually did it.”

“I went from making out with John to then making out with Brad and it escalated from there. All consensual and we communicated the entire time.”

“It’s hard to describe what exactly the situation and atmosphere felt like for something like that to take place, even though I’m sure outsiders will judge harshly.”

“Anyway, in the morning I had slight regrets but not too bad. Both of them told me how much they absolutely loved it, they made me breakfast, Brad acted completely normal.”

“It only happened one time but it felt like nothing had changed between us.”

“Then, a few days ago I mentioned something about dating and relationships and he casually told me, not even in a mean way, that he can no longer see himself dating me because I was involved in the threesome.”

“I was like, ‘huh‽‽ You really, really wanted it’. And he said ‘yeah I did, and it was really fun and I really like you. But I just can’t see us in a relationship’.”

“And he said it so casually like ‘oh, no big deal’ with a smile on his face. I’m so confused?”

“Like okay, you obviously think I’m a whore now even though I was a virgin when I met you… but he acts like it doesn’t bother him at all?”

“Now I feel cheap, dirty and regret it.”

Redditors didn’t see this as a relationship worth saving or mourning.

“Lesson learned and move on. Cut all contact with that creep.”

“I have to assume he and his sick friend planned the whole thing.” ~ CuriousBit0

“They knew what they were doing. It didn’t just ‘happen’ as organically as OP thinks it did.”

“They orchestrated the whole thing. And Brad never had any intentions of dating her.”

“Even before the threesome. She was a conquest.” ~ Wileykid

“Yep. You were inexperienced, and he played you to get sex.”

“He and his friend wanted their fun, took advantage of your naivety, and now they’re done. They got want they wanted, his smile says it all.”

“You did nothing wrong. Sorry your first turned out to be a prick.” ~ Permit-Extreme

“What a total piece of sh*t. But honestly, he did you a favor.”

The trash took itself out. I assume you’re no longer in contact with him?” ~ rthrouw1234

The OP commented:

“I’ve been barely responding to his texts, even though he acts like nothing has happened. I guess I should tell him I no longer want to be involved but this really sucks.”

“Just when I thought I had found someone decent but I guess all I have to blame is myself.”

But they were assured they were not the one at fault.

“Why would you blame yourself?”

“This guy basically tricked you into doing something that he told you after the fact would ‘disqualify’ you as a serious partner in his eyes.”

“He’s disgusting.” ~ rthrouw1234

“Why are you blaming yourself? Imagine if your friend went through something similar, would you blame her or the creepy perverts?” ~ QueenofKeelas

“Stop responding to his texts, sis; you deserve better.” ~ subtlecuddlefish

“He wasn’t decent from the start.”

“It was all just a game in his madonna/whore tainted underdeveloped little encephalus.” ~ saturnianbabypeach

“Block his a**. So he’s totally pristine after being in a threesome but you’re damaged goods? He’s sexist.”

“Block him and don’t let him pretend everything is fine. He’s trying to rugsweep his nasty words and you’re letting him.”

“Tell him ‘After everything that’s happened I realized you’re just not friendship material. You’re not up to par, sorry (not sorry)’.”

“Then BLOCK HIM.” ~ HolleringCorgis

The OP did not return with an update, but if she follows the advice she received she left her ex-boyfriend in her rearview mirror when she moved on.

Amelia Mavis Christnot

Written by Amelia Mavis Christnot

Amelia Christnot is an Oglala Lakota, Kanien'kehá:ka and Metis Navy brat who settled in the wilds of Northern Maine. She considers herself another proud Maineiac. Her picture is from 1984 for purely Orwellian reasons.