As much as we might try, no one can ever have complete control of their emotions.
Something especially true for those who suffer from medical conditions, which might make having even the slightest control of their emotions close to impossible.
The girlfriend of Redditor didnotsignup4this suffered from such a condition, who learned the hard way just how little control she had over her emotions in a recent, unfortunate encounter.
Concerned that they didn’t handle the situation as well as he could have, the original poster (OP), took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not making dinner even though I promised to and getting pissed when my gf called me out on it?”
The OP first explained their girlfriend’s condition, and how it affects her daily routine, which until recently, didn’t seem to be an issue for them.
“My girlfriend (gf) is diagnosed with OCD.”
“She is medicated and in therapy.”
“She tells me that it used to be worse before and she is doing so much better now.”
“One thing she absolutely doesn’t compromise on is her apartment.”
“She cleans it on schedule.”
“She cooks and does the dishes on time.”
“She loves my cooking.”
“Most of the times, I pack her leftovers so she doesn’t have worry about cooking or cleaning.”
An unexpected turn of events resulted in the OP temporarily moving in with their girlfriend, an idea which seemed promising at first.
“The pipes burst in my apartment and the landlord needed a few days to fix the pipes and the floors.”
“Landlord paid me a week’s hotel pay, but my gf insisted I should save the money by staying with her.”
“We have been together a year and this could be a trial run for us moving together in the future.”
“So, I agreed.”
“She had a lot of rules about cleanliness.”
“I am a pretty clean person too, so those were not that hard to accommodate.”
“Things were fine and everybody was happy.”
However, another unplanned occurrence in the OP’s life quickly shifted their situation to being far less than idyllic.
“However, one day, I was supposed to make dinner and I had to fix a critical problem at work.”
“So I sent her a text (she didn’t pick up my calls) saying that I cannot make dinner and that she should either cook or bring takeout (I work from home, she does not).”
“I am in a meeting with my boss, my boss’s boss and my entire team and she keeps banging on my door saying that I promised to make dinner.”
“I muted myself and opened the door and spoke to her.”
“She didn’t see that text and she insists that I have to cook dinner.”
“I told her that no, I was in a meeting and went back.”
“She kept banging the door.”
“I was so embarrassed and mad that I ended up just packing my bag and leaving to the nearest hotel without a word and continued my work there and spent the night there.”
“The next day she kept saying that I was a jerk and slacker.”
“She told everyone that I promised to cook her dinner and flaked.”
“This made me more pissed and we got into a fight.”
“She told me that it is not wrong to expect what was promised.”
“She likes to plan ahead and have a schedule and I shouldn’t make promises if i cannot keep them.”
“I told her that sh*t happens and I cannot always plan every second of my life.”
“My friends are on her side and think I should have done something to calm her down instead of locking myself away.”
“They told me that I knew she likes routine and disrupted it and discarding her hurt feeling.”
“I don’t think I am the a**hole here.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community tended to sympathize with the OP, generally agreeing that they were not this a**hole in this situation.
While sympathetic to their girlfriend’s situation, many agreed that the OP handled the situation as best as they possibly could have, and even with her condition, his girlfriend needed to understand that, with some wondering if she had, in fact, made as much progress as she claimed.
“Make sure the friends are aware that you were in a job related meeting, meaning that you had no choice but to be in it, and that you didn’t know about the meeting beforehand.”
“Your gf needs to talk to a therapist because her OCD is obviously still in need of some work if she believes that you should risk losing your job just to cook dinner.”
Y”ou made a promise that you were going to keep under normal circumstances.”
“If there had been an accident of some sort and you were in the hospital, would she still have expected you to make dinner because you promised to?”
“What if her place had burnt down?”
“If you had died, would she be shaking your corpse in anger demanding you come back to life and make dinner as promised?”
“She needs to understand that there are times to hold someone to their promise, and then there are times to allow an exception.”
“You gave her plenty of notice and tried to reach her via phone call but she didn’t answer.”
“You did the best you could to alert her to the fact that you wouldn’t be able to fulfill your agreement on that day.”
“It’s not like you said that you’ll never cook again, just you couldn’t that one time.”-Fangs_McWolf.
“You had an urgent work issue, and communicated a change in the plans.”
“If your girlfriend’s OCD is so severe that she can’t regulate her response to unexpected change, then she needs a lot more treatment before she’s ready to live with someone.”
“I find it hard to believe she’d react like this with her friends, coworkers, or boss.”
“So reflect on why she thought it was ok to react this way with you.”
“Especially concerning is her telling your friends a one sided account of the conflict.”-puppyfarts99.
“NTA, I’m sympathetic to her issues but life happens and you won’t always be able to adhere to a schedule and plans fall through.”
“You did text her as soon as you found out you couldn’t make dinner which was a good move, I don’t know what else you could have done as the thing that came up was involving your job.”-Kam_the_devil.
“She can be annoyed that her routine was interrupted but you’re right, sh*t changes.”
“You not cooking ONE night isn’t the end of the world.”
“I think you dealt with it just fine.”
“She needs to move past it.”-triggerhappypoptarts.
Others felt that the behavior of the OP’s girlfriend was a key indicator of what living with her full time might look like, begging the question as to whether or not it was a good idea.
“NTA Consider yourself lucky to have glimpse of your potential future.”-JQMuggins.
“And it turns out it was a good trial run for living with her.”
“Now you know what happens if you have to change a plan even a little bit.”-OkCaterpillar7770.
“Yes, you made a promise, but you had an issue at work that required your immediate attention.”
“You tried calling, but she didn’t pick up so, you let her know via text.”
“It’s not your fault that she didn’t see your text.”
“Your gf’s behavior was unreasonable and unacceptable.”
“It is not your responsibility to manage your gf’s mental health issues.”
“Your gf needs to work with her therapist to find coping mechanisms for her OCD that do not include controlling the behavior of others.”
“You explained the situation to your gf, which was all that you could do in the moment.”
“You have done nothing wrong here.”
“It would not be a good idea for you to move in with her, you may want to reconsider this relationship.”-Consistent-Leopard71.
“She has her schedule, but she cannot force you to abide by her schedule.”
“If she literally cannot adjust to changes that naturally occur in her life, and tries to control others around her to appease that desire, she needs to go back and get reevaluated by the doctors for her OCD.”
“You reasonably let her know of the change.”
“You were in a meeting when she got home.”
“Any sensible adult would understand–not continually bang on your door.”
“That is demanding and controlling.”
“I’d call that a red flag, even with her condition.”
“Banging things, yelling and insulting you is not how a relationship partner should behave to their significant other.”- Mistress-DragonFlame.
Many were a bit concerned that the OP’s girlfriend was using her OCD as an excuse for her behavior.
“Lots of people like to use the fact that they have a mental condition as an excuse for sh*tty behavior.”
“The truth is you can be mentally ill and an asshole at the same time.”
“At the end of the day it was only dinner, and while people with OCD may overreact when things aren’t what they’re used to (not on schedule, etc) you had a legitimate excuse.”
“It’s not your fault she didn’t see the text.”-Kevin7650.
“NTA – She didn’t look at her phone, you had a legitimate reason and she wasn’t budging.”
“Having OCD is one thing but using a mental illness to get your way in a disagreement is another.”-Lots-of-Apples.
One does want to be sympathetic to the OP’s girlfriend, as her condition no doubt poses many problems for her getting through her daily routine.
Even so, she still needs to learn that things don’t always turn out the way you hope they might, particularly if she wants to stay in her relationship with the OP.
Here’s hoping they can reach common ground.