Seeing our loved ones when they are at their worst is a painful experience, but a necessary one. It takes a lot of strength to sit by someone we love who is sick and possibly not going to make it, knowing that these moments we spend with them may be their last.
Reddit user throwinitaway96 was spending such time with her mother, wondering if her mother was going to make it through a particularly bad episode, when her partner confronted her about the amount of time she was spending with her ill mom.
After standing up for herself, she had some questions about her behavior. Wanting validation for her choices, she went to the popular subReddit “Am I The A**hole?” or “AITA” for feedback.
“AITA for spending a lot of time at the hospital?”
Our original poster, or OP, let us know that both her life with her mom and with her partner have been a struggle.
“Obligatory apologies for formatting, am on mobile. Have been a lurker for quite sometime but find myself now posting – using throwaway because privacy.”
“For background: My (25F[emale]) partner (26M[ale]) and I have been together for 5 years this coming May and we’ve been living together for 4 1/2 of those years and our relationship is by no means perfect.”
“I am an only child and he is from a blended family; absent bio father; mum remarried (now divorced) when he was a baby and has three younger half-sisters.”
“Family is my number one priority whereas his familial relationships are all very strained and have been since I’ve known him. Moving on!”
OP’s mom is sick and in need of attention.
“My mum has been in hospital for just shy of 7 weeks with congestive heart failure, currently awaiting open heart surgery.”
“She has been sick my whole life so this is nothing new, but this is way more serious than usual. She has always been my best friend and I’m by her side every day of the week even if only for 1 hour – I do also work full time.”
But OP’s boyfriend is pretty dependent on her.
“My partner is very dependent on me to the point where he doesn’t eat if I don’t buy/cook for him.”
“I usually spend most of my days off at the hospital, taking care of my mum as my dad is an alcoholic who is barely around to help out, (although he does what he can).”
“Today was no exception to that, I came home around 10pm (which is admittedly really late) after leaving the hospital and stopping in at the grocery store to get my partner some things.”
OP’s boyfriend was very unhappy.
“I get home and he blows me up about never being home and how he feels like he doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore and that I don’t love him or care about him.”
“An argument ensues and I basically told him to suck it up because my mum is my number 1 priority until she’s home and he’s 26 so he should really start acting his age because I am not his mother.”
“He hasn’t spoken to me since and said that was really mean and uncalled for, he was just telling me how he feels. We are now sleeping in separate rooms.”
“So reddit, AITA here?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors actually thought the problem was way deeper than just OP’s boyfriend demanding more time.
“NTA. Honey are you sure you are not with him because you are used to taking care of someone?”
“Because he is an adult who should be fully capable of taking care of himself in every single way without you.”
“The type of situation your Mom is literally at the life/death stage. You should be able to be with her as much as you need to be with a supportive partner at home.”
“This is also a huge red flag and you have had enough trouble in your life to keep seeking those type of relationships.”~lostlonelyworld
“I have some fairly serious health issues. I was just discharged from hospital Saturday afternoon after being admitted on Tuesday.”
“My husband and I have been married almost 13 years. When we got married, we were just barely seeing a tiny bit of the scope of what we’d end up dealing with in terms of my health.”
“He was supportive from the get go. We were dumb college kids but he sure as hell knew how to feed himself, clean our apartment, and help me and support me, and still get himself to class and work no problem.”
“We have four kids now and he is more than capable of taking care of them and himself and his career and the house etc the few tiles a year I end up hospitalized.”
“And when he’s needed surgery or been ill or overwhelmed, I’ve been there to help him and support him. You need a partnership, not another caretaking responsibility.”
“You’re dealing with something serious and hard. He should be getting the groceries and checking in on you.”
“You shouldn’t have to worry about a grown man being able to feed himself while sitting by your mother’s hospital bed.”