Redditor [deleted] is a 25-year-old woman who has been perplexed over her friendship with someone she thought was her best friend since middle school.
When events from a few years ago confirmed the status of their friendship, she reacted in a way that made her seem like she was the villain in the situation.
Still bothered by what happened a while ago, she turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA For not going to my friend’s Wedding”
The Original Poster (OP) took us back to the origin of her concerns.
“This happened a few years ago but it is still on my mind. I and my friend B (25 f[emale]) knew each other since junior high, and when we graduated high school, she got engaged.”
“i was excited for her and wanting to help with anything i could. but once we had graduated school she suddenly stopped talking to me, we use to talk and hang out almost everyday, and suddenly i never heard from her and only saw things she posted on facebook.”
“cut to about a month before the wedding (though i wasn’t aware when it was, never even got an invitation so i assumed it wasn’t happening right away) she messages me begging me to come help her with some decorations.”
“i gladly agreed and we sat in her parent’s house chatting and it felt nice. I then learned how soon the wedding was and was surprised. She told me that she only asked for my help because non of her bridesmaids were able to help.”
“That took me back, we were bffs and i assumed i would be a bridesmaid (probably shouldn’t have assumed).”
“I felt kinda upset after that, the wedding was so soon but i never got an invitation and she only called for my help because none of her other friends would.”
“A few days after that she messages me again with a link to all the gifts she would accept for the wedding, i felt i was just being upset over nothing so i went ahead and bought a few gifts for her.”
“I told her i hadn’t received and invitation so i didn’t know when the wedding was, and she told me she didn’t send me one, but to just come by anyday and drop off the gifts.”
“It felt like she didn’t want me there, and we had always gotten along the entire time i knew her so i didn’t know if i did something wrong. I talked to my mom about it and she told me not to go and to refund the gift or keep it. So i did just that.”
“Apparently the day of the wedding had come and gone, and my friend and some of her friends messaged me a few times telling me how horrible i was for not showing up, and my friend told me i could still make things better if i give her the gift.”
“after all these years she will still occasionally messages me and guilt trip me as to why i didn’t care about her and her special day, so i am reaching out to you all because i am not sure if i was just being immature and rude or not.”
Strangers on the internet were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors empathized with the OP and thought she was not the a**hole as she’s been made to feel for a long time.
“NTA – no invitation-> no presents or attendance. It’s just that simple. You should cut the friends who guilt tripped you. The bride didn’t invite you despite your friendship.”
“It was her message that she didn’t want your there on her special day. If she had trouble with money and couldn’t invite everyone she wanted, she should have addressed it beforehand.”
“You helped her out with decorations despite her attitude. That’s more than enough for a present without being invited.” – MariKJa
“um. you weren’t invited…right? How did those ‘friends’ react when they found out you weren’t even invited? You shouldn’t even be expected to give a gift if you weren’t even sent an invitation. Don’t talk to these people no more. NTA.” – Traditional_Comfort2
“Please block her and go on with your life. She is a user and not worth your time. NTA.” – LilliannaWinterWolf
“If the bride was YOUR friend, she would invite you to the wedding and be happy that you could be there. To demand a gift from someone you obviously went out of your way to not invite is extremely entitled. Please block these people, they are not your friends.” – GeorgeBird0457
“I feel for you, it sounds like it was a lose-lose situation either way.”
“Obviously NTA.”
“You can’t be TA for not attending a wedding you weren’t invited to. She sounds like an awful person who just wanted to cause drama between you and also get help and a few gifts out of it. I hope you’ve since cut off contact.” – darcyaeb
“NTA. And she was not your bff at that time. Not even a friend. Don’t feel guilty and I’m happy to hear you took your mother’s advice!” – Nyukorin
“NTA. You are clearly more mature than I. Because if she didn’t ask me to be a bridesmaid or even have the audacity to invite me but still expected my help and a gift(s) she would have gotten an earful!”
“I would have asked them how I could have possibly gone to the wedding when I didn’t know when or where it was because I WASN’T INVITED! No invite, no gift.”
“And the fact that you still keep in touch occasionally is crazy. I’d of left that girl in the past. She sounds like a horrible, selfish, spoiled person and her bridesmaids are just minions.” – AnnieCakes31
“NTA. She straight up said she wasn’t going to give you an invite to the wedding and asked for you to drop off some gifts and be her last-ditch choice for help when she was in a bind.”
“That’s not a good friend. That’s a sh**ty person.” – apairofpetducks
Overall, Redditors declared the OP was not the a**hole in the situation and they thought she would be better off not having these people in her life as “friends.”