Money is the root to many an issue.
It can be especially problematic in love relationships.
Partners really should be on the same page when spending, saving and sharing.
Or things could get crazy.
Case in point…
Redditor Available_Ad2684 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for embarrassing my fiancé in front of her friends?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (27 M[ale]) proposed to my fiancé (28 F[emale]) last year.”
“We are going to push our wedding to next year.”
“Fiancé and I have a lot of different interests and friend groups.”
“My group of friends are on the nerdy side and enjoy playing video games, watching movies and D[ungeons] & D[ragons].”
“My fiancé’s group all come from wealthy families and very girly.”
“Fiancé and I do love each other, and plan on spending the rest of our lives together.”
“Fiancé does like to hang with my friends, and I have taught her to play some video games.”
“I don’t mind hanging with her friends, but they can be very judgmental and make comments.”
“Fiancé invited me to come out with her friends to celebrate and I did get dressed up.”
“The one friend wanted to try a new fancy restaurant that had opened.”
“Most of the food items were over $20 and I ordered a large appetizer as my main dish.”
“My fiancé ordered a salad and cocktail.”
“Her friends ordered a bunch of drinks and expensive entrees.”
“When it came time to pay the bill, her one friend looks at me and says fiancé said you would be treating us out tonight.”
“I gave my fiancé a look and told the waiter to split the entire check.”
“I only paid for my fiancé and I.”
“Fiancé didn’t speak to me the entire ride back to our apartment.”
“I did bring up what happened at the restaurant and fiancé got defensive saying that I shouldn’t have made her look like a fool in front of her friends.”
“AITA for embarrassing my fiancé in front of her friends?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA. The fact that she made decisions about your money without your knowledge or consent and acted like you are the bad guy for not going along with it is a serious red flag.”
“You should really think about of you want to spend the rest of your life with this woman.” ~ grw313
“Sounds like OP was invited as the wallet since he doesn’t always join them.”
“It was rude and presumptuous to expect him to pay and to say it in front of everyone to put him on the spot.”
“That would be a big issue with me and should have been discussed ahead of time.”
“I suggest pre-marital counseling at minimum because that stuff only gets worse when you get married and resentments set in which can kill a marriage.” ~ Chance-Ad-9952
“I agree – if she comes from a rich family paying out all that money might seem like no biggie.”
“Especially if her friend group take turns footing the bill.”
“But it’s just ignorant to presume that everyone has that kind of money.”
“And if they do that they’re actually willing to spend it like that.”
“They seem to have different attitudes towards money, and money is one of the biggest causes of marital breakdown.”
“So counseling could really be beneficial.” ~ SufficientStranger46
“OP this is from someone who witnesses this with my brother and his wife.”
“Last year was the biggest fight they had and divorce was actually happening until many people intervened and pressured and he gave in because of his daughters.”
“Now every month he is forced (by choice in my opinion) to hand over 70% of his salary to her as to not anger her.”
“His work also sends him for international work trips which he is being handsomely compensated for and she takes that too.”
“Think OP, think and have an honest conversation with her and please PLEASE PLEASE discuss financial expectation and limitation.” ~ chandrachur3
“This was a test by your fiancee, to see if you would be willing to roll over and do whatever she wants.”
“You failed the test because you used your good self-esteem and sense of boundaries to refuse to be a doormat.”
“I hate to say it, dude, but if you go through with this marriage, the rest of your life is just going to be more of these power plays and manipulations.”
“You should consider whether it would be best to walk away now, because I guarantee you that wedding arrangements with this hoity-toity crowd are going to be a nightmare.” ~ cat-lover76
“NTA- thats something she should of ASKED you about when she invited you to go out… ‘Mary got a promotion I really want her to like you so could you pick up the tab?'”
“At which point ‘I’m not doing that but I’ll buy Mary (not everybody else) a Congratulations!”
“Drink at the bar’ or more over ‘Why do I need to buy your friend’s approval?'”
“It sounds like she’s trying to convince her snooty friends that you are worthy of having around.”
“She should apologize to you for putting everybody in that position, and you should suggest some pre-martial counseling so that you both are on the same page before you commit your lives to each other.” ~ CarrieCat62
“Whenever I have gone out to dinner on someone else’s dime, I make damn sure my meal is less than or equal to the cost of theirs.”
“This usually worked out as I have a fairly small appetite and usually go for a chicken dish, so even if I wasn’t paying attention, it would still likely be the result.”
“I still remember the first time I got something more expensive than my now husband and it felt so wrong.”
“Even though he insisted I was being a dumb dumb and to let him buy me the damn salmon.”
“I would feel absolutely awful ordering an expensive meal on the dime of my friends fiancé and even if he was a millionaire and insisted everyone get the damn $150 seafood platter.”
“I’d still have a hard time with it.” ~ mazzy31
“NTA. Um…”
“Like… where did she get the impression you’d be paying?”
“Did she actually tell them you’d be treating her and her friends? Or was her friend being an asshole too?”
“I’m so… what?”
“She invited you out with her friend group. You didn’t pick the venue.”
“And you were expected to pay?”
“At best, she’s an a**hole for thinking her friends saying you should pay is acceptable.”
“At worst, you’re not her fiancé, you’re her wallet and she actually expected that you would pay for all of them and that she could just… not run that by you.”
“You need to have a discussion, because it’s not about embarrassing her, it’s about what she’s in the relationship for.” ~ LetThemEatHay
“NTA – your fiancé is though.”
“Even if you would’ve agreed to this, this is something she should’ve talked to you about before hand.”
“Are you a multimillionaire who typically does things like this?”
“If not, it seems strange she would just spring this on you like that.”
“She is making you out to be the a**hole here by not talking about it after or standing up for you.”
“This is setting the tone for your relationship.”
“Perhaps it’s a good time to clear the air about what’s expected and what should be communicated before you guys get married.” ~ MauiValleyGirl
“NTA – You didn’t embarrass her, she embarrassed herself.”
“Unless she is rich, and you plan on merging finances after you marry.”
“I would rethink this marriage, because you are going to fight about money a lot (and eventually divorce).”
“That fact that, not only did she not ask you, but even had one of her friends tell you after the fact, meant that she was trying to embarrass YOU into going along with it.”
“That is pretty sh**ty behavior towards someone you plan on marrying.” ~ Himkano
“You didn’t make her look like a fool in front of your friends.”
“She did that all on her own.”
“She had no right to commit you financially without clearing it with you first.”
“At this stage of your relationship is the time to negotiate this and let her know this is completely unacceptable.”
“This is someone controlling on her part and if you don’t reach an understanding about it now you guys will be fighting a lot.” ~ milliebarnes
“NTA. She is the one that put you in an embarrassing situation and made it awkward for everyone else.”
“She was inconsiderate and should be apologising instead of still huffing like a spoilt child.”
“If I were you I would think back over your relationship and assess if there are any other instances where she has treated you with complete disregard.”
“Could be a sign of things to come.”
“Try and speak sense to her one more time about how unfair her behaviour was.”
“If she still refuses to acknowledge it then I would seriously reconsider getting married.”
“It is a big, wavy, red flag to me.” ~ Holiday-Sand3374
OP clearly has a lot to sift through.
And Reddit is here to help.
These are tough situations.
Money is always an issue.
But hopefully OP can find some clarity, and he and his fiancé can come to terms peacefully.