TW: Mental health, child endangerment
Forgiveness is a common trait among families and close friends.
What happens though when someone crosses a line too large to ignore?
That was the issue facing Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Alarmed-Wolverine when she came to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for judgment.
She asked:
“AITA? I found out my sister is pretending to be my daughter’s mother”
OP began with some history.
“When my (27 Female) fiancé and I first announced my pregnancy to my family, my sister (34F) was a little jealous.”
“I’m assuming it’s because she was trying for a baby with her ex-partner but they broke up because he was a cheat.”
She continued with fantastic news.
“I gave birth to my daughter seven months ago.”
“Her name is Kaia.”
“When I returned to work after 12 weeks of maternity leave, my sister offered to babysit Kaia once a week which has been incredibly helpful.”
Everything was fine, until…
“Not too long ago, one of my close friends who also recently had a child approached me to tell me that my sister is in a mothers group on Facebook and she’s posting photos of Kaia and she’s calling my daughter HERS and she’s also calling her by a different name.”
“My friend sent me screenshots of my sister’s posts and I was completely disturbed so I spoke to my fiancé and we both decided we had to take action immediately.”
“I went over to my sister’s and asked her directly about what she was posting on Facebook, she did not deny it and also had no explanation.”
“Therefore I told her that she’s banned from seeing my daughter.”
“My sister flipped out and said that I can’t take Kaia away from her and then called me a ‘selfish b*tch’ and she started crying.”
“I have NEVER seen my sister act this way before, it was alarming.”
“I ask her if there’s anything else I need to know because she may as well just spill everything, so she shows me a framed photo she has in her bedroom of her and my daughter and on the frame is written ‘mother and daughter.'”
“I’m not going to lie, I did call her crazy and then I left and haven’t spoken to her since, although she continues to try and come over and calls me multiple times a day.”
“My mind is an absolute mess.”
OP was left to wonder,
“I don’t know where we go from here. AITA for how I handled the situation?”
Having explained the situation, OP turned to Reddit for judgment.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: NTA
Posters thought there might be deeper problems.
“NTA but it sounds like your sister has some serious psychological issues and needs professional help asap.”
“It will probably be safer for everyone to keep your daughter away from her and you may want to install a home security system as well as inform any other caregivers that your sister does not have privileges regarding being around her.”
“This type of thing is a HUGE red flag for mental health issues. If you can, you may want to encourage her to get help.” ~ LRose1825
“NTA -agreed with the above poster, OP’s sister is screaming for mental health help here.”
“The framed picture, the name change, it’s all way too much to say ‘it’s just a phase'”.
“You’re absolutely right for avoiding any interaction between your child and your sister OP.”
“Strongly recommend having a discussion to get her help especially since you mentioned she’s never behaved like this before.” ~ BrownSugarBare
“Mental health concerns can rear its ugly head in so many different ways, she could have been perfectly fine with her relationship ending but you’re right, seeing the shiny new baby and the what ifs in life start niggling in your brain and unleash a lot.” ~ BrownSugarBare
Others were concerned for the daughter’s safety.
“Are you kidding?”
“It’s a HUGE red flag in childcare, too! Most missing children are taken by someone they know. OP’s sis seems like she’s grooming the kid to abduct her.” ~ Vaidurya
“This!!!”
“If the sister was allowed continual access despite this, she could easily just take the daughter and disappear.”
“I agree with the other’s that this is also a mental health issue and she should get treatment.”
“But don’t let that stop you from being firm and taking care of YOUR daughter.”
“I would also invest in security systems and telling anyone who has access to your daughter that your sister is not allowed near her or even in the same building as her.”
“For those that are watching her (daycare, etc.) Include a photo in case the sister does go crazy and tries to take the kid with an alias.”
“Also if necessary ask them to call you for confirmation if either you or your husband isn’t the one picking up the daughter.” ~ Anisole1419
There were also, sadly, personal stories.
“My brothers dad (same mom different dads) tried to kidnap my brother as an infant.”
“The only reason he didn’t get away with it is his brother (I think it was) told my parents that he packed all his things and wasn’t coming back so do not give him the baby.”
“That guy was absolutely a sh*tty guy who also abused me.” ~ HufflepuffPrincess7
“My dad did kidnap me as a toddler.”
“I was missing for a year because he hid me with virtual strangers. He didn’t take me because he wanted time with me, he did it to punish my mother.”
“OP, don’t take this lightly. If your sister refuses intensive therapy, get that restraining order.” ~ JaydeRaven
Some felt this needed to be escalated to higher authorities.
“I think OP should get a restraining order its clear her sister is unhinged and will pull something off around the kid.” ~ GoldenBoy3332
“And let the local mom group know that she made fraudulent claims about having a child that actually isn’t hers. They need to know too.” ~AntComfortable
“If she can find the pictures, she can report them to Facebook as being used without her permission.”
“That actually works better because the sis may have posted the pics in several groups.” ~ squeakylittlecat
While her privacy remained a concern, there were larger concerns for some.
“It doesn’t need to be public, but she should definitely tell whoever moderates the Facebook group so they can take the posts down and block her sister from making any more posts about ‘her’ daughter.” ~ TestTubeRagdoll
“Yes, this.”
“She’s clearly not fit to be around children, period.”
“Don’t let other mothers believe she’s a normal healthy person, cause before u know it somebody will look for a babysitter and oh, theres the ‘mother’ from the group im in who im getting along with, maybe she can watch my kid.”
“No. No she can not, she should not be anywhere near kids at all.”
“This is not normal behaviour in the slightest.”
“Mental health issues is tricky.”
“But her reputation rn is not more important than the safety of kids around her.”
“If she’s gotten close to other parents with young kids or babies, they need to know what kind of risk they’re getting themselves involved with unless she seeks serious therapy asap.”
“If she haven’t made any contacts, then just banning her from the group would be enough as she’d be forgotten pretty quickly.” ~ somerandomgod
“The child’s welfare is paramount here.”
“There’s a way to alert the group — on FB, parents’ groups, whatever — without embarrassing the sister.”
“But being gentle with the sister at this point isn’t kindness. It’s jeopardizing the safety of this little girl.” ~ Jonny-Pasadena
This post seemed to hit all the salient points.
“NTA”
“Protect your child.”
“Your sister is creepy and delusional.”
“She needs therapy.”
“It would have only been a matter of time before she decided she is the real mother and tried to steal your baby.”
“Left to her own devices, she would intrude upon your relationship with your daughter, and undermine it.”
“Actually naming your child some other name!?”
“Wow. That is scary.”
“I would consider a restraining order on her.”
“That is not normal. It isn’t loving or kind either, no matter what she claims. It’s obsessive and delusional.”
“See if you, or someone who knows her, can get screen shots of her insane posts, as evidence.”
“You might need therapy too, to process this trauma. What a terrifying experience! Yikes!”
“Also, be prepared to have your family try to demonize you for protecting your child. Do not back down. A therapist will help you do that.”
“**edited to add. She is showing up at your house multiple times a day to stalk your baby.”
“Get a restraining order, yesterday.”
“Get security cameras too, and make sure you cut off all 3rd party contact between your sister and your baby.”
“Make sure the other caregivers know to call the police immediately if she shows up.” ~ Ragingredblue
Forgiveness is a powerful tool that can be useful in bringing disparate parties together and for building new roads over troubled ground.
Sometimes, though, it isn’t necessarily the best – or safest – position to take.