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Woman Refuses To Accept Engagement Ring That Once Belonged To Boyfriend’s Cheating Dad


Choosing an engagement ring is a special process.

It can also be a nerve wracking experience, because it can go HORRIBLY wrong.

Not every ring is going to be welcomed.

That’s why as much as everyone wants there to be an element of surprise, it may be better to discuss the choice of ring prior to the question.

Case in point…

Redditor lonelyjoon wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for not wanting my bf’s ‘family’ ring and ruining the start of a tradition?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“My 20 F[emale] b[oy]f[riend] 22 M[ale] wants to get engaged and wants me to have his mother’s ring.”

“The only thing is, his father cheated on his mother and remarried.”

“It’s a lovely ring but I don’t want that ring to be mine considering the past and it’s value for the relationship.”

“I know it may seem ‘small’ or ‘in the past’ but I just feel like it’s the same as offering a piece of your parent’s relationship into our future and their relationship was not positive.”

“I just don’t want that ring.”

“I’m okay with a 25¢ ring.”

“My BF is upset and says I’m looking too deep and I’m ruining the start of a nice tradition to pass down the ring.”

“I told him there’s no pride in passing down that ring as the vows placed on it were broken.”

“He hasn’t spoken to me since.”

“I’m really trying to see it from his P[oint] o[f] V[iew] but it feels like a slap in the face to offer me that ring.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“NTA, it’s not even an established tradition.”

“Would you be interested in having the stones taken from her ring to make a new one?” ~ Susccmmp

“Yeah, let’s FORCE the ring away from my mother, who has never offered it to me, and give it to you and FORCE you to wear it to start a tradition no one but him wants.”

“He doesn’t even own it yet he acts like it is his just because he’s getting married.”

“Talk about selfish!”

“He didn’t even discuss it with his mom first!”

“I think he’s way too young to get married because there are TONS of other things he can use to start a tradition that doesn’t steal something from your mother to give to your girlfriend, who doesn’t even want it.”

‘It’s 100% about HIM controlling both of you.”

“Where does he get off with is entitlement?”

“I would seriously postpone this thing. NTA.”  ~ babcock27

“I say more NAH cause I don’t blame him being upset about the reason she rejected the ring.”

“It could be taken as an insult to his family and we don’t know how he feels about the situation.”

“Maybe it’s one of those ‘that’s in the past and we are all one big happy family’ type of homes.”

“That said, to quote Callie from Grey’s Anatomy ‘I want some rings just not bad juju rings.'”

“I would not want to use it either.” ~ CinderRebel

“NTA. I get him not having the same mentality as you in terms of the meaning it has to you, but it’s not a tradition.”

“He wants to START a tradition.”

“Do it with YOUR ring.”

“If he’s digging his heels in, I’d seriously start to reconsider things.” ~ kr0mb0pulos_michael

“NTA. Tell him that you can start a tradition with a new ring.”

“I wonder what his mother thinks about her ring – does she still like the ring when the one who gave it to her ended up cheating on her?” ~ awyllt

“NTA. I wouldn’t want that ring either.”

“If it’s really important perhaps you could make a compromise, like use the gem but put it into a different setting.”

“Also, you mentioned his parent’s relationship wasn’t positive… are you sure yours is?”

“Him giving you the silent treatment is a red flag.” ~ Tortie_cat22

“NTA. ‘Traditions’ are an imposition for others to follow suit without thought to the individuals.”

“You’re not obligated to take someone else’s ring to start a new tradition.”

“Engagement rings, wedding bands- they’re already symbolic, and the ring your bf expects you to accept also has it’s own symbolism- broken vows and broken marriage.”

“You are well within your rights to want your own ring, that you have a hand in picking out.”

“Clearly you’re not wanting an expensive ring, you just want something that has no prior family ownership, that does not come with the knowledge of a broken marriage.”

“You’re not asking a lot.”

“And if your bf is pushing this ring on you, it’s not just because he wants to start a new tradition at your expense, he just wants to cheap out on buying a new ring.”

“The fact he ignores your explanation and also gives you the silent treatment for not getting his way are just a couple red flags I see.”

“Do you really want to marry someone who ignores your feelings and punishes you with his silence?”

“I can’t say that your marriage would bode any better than his parents’ did.” ~ SilentCounter6750

“So this isn’t even a tradition yet?”

“NTA. Maybe suggest you two pick out a ring and start the tradition with the two of you and your mutually respectful marriage.”

“Also, his behavior is a red flag as is his inability to understand that the history of the ring taints it.”

“It’s a huge problem imo that this would be the start of the tradition effectively creating a family curse.” ~ Defiant-Currency-518

“NAH. I would feel the same way you would.”

“And BF may be wanting to start an heirloom tradition; perhaps he sees the ring and only associates it with happy memories of a beloved mom and happier times in his parent’s marriage.”

“I mean, Duchess Kate is wearing Princess Diana’s wedding ring, and that ring was from a marriage that ended in divorce.”

“You’ve made it clear you just don’t want that ring.”

“He should get another.”

“Suggest that the heirloom tradition can start with the ring going to your child, or another relative.” ~ eeny_meeny_miney

“NTA… Reason doesn’t matter.”

“If you don’t want that ring you don’t want it.”

“He should get you what you want.”

“If he doesn’t have the money for it he needs to reconsider engagement at this time.”

“Also it’s major red flags if he is giving you the silent treatment.” ~ Ancient_Law_6969


“A ring is a very important thing for marriage.”

“And if you don’t want the ring you shouldn’t have to take it and if he doesn’t understand your point of view then maybe you should probably rethink the whole thing.”

“My husband’s mom wanted me to get her ring which was passed down to her but then sat here saying that I can’t have it for a few years because she ‘wants to see if we’ll last.'”

“And I told him my honest opinion it wasn’t fair for me to wait.”

“And guess what?”

“He saw my POV and got me my own ring even let me pick it out!”

“That alone says enough.”

“A ring is a huge part to a marriage.”

“And the story behind the ring isn’t a healthy relationship for it to be passed down so I completely agree with this post on your side.” ~ REDDIT

“NTA… unless you can get him to talk there is no way you’re going to sort this out and to be frank if he can’t communcate something like this you are going to experience a lot of hardship in a marriage to him.”

“Marriage is trust and communication, without either it will crumble like coffee cake.”

“In my opinion best reflect on things and even consider counseling before things get bad.” ~ PoGoPDX2016

OP came back with an update…

“So he came back home from his mother’s house and brought dinner for us.”

“Apparently she told him it was a stupid idea.”

“And she wasn’t even ready to give up her own wedding ring and not wear it for the rest of her life nor does she agree with starting a tradition off of her ring and marriage.”

“He talked about how he just wanted to start a thing within his family since his grandfather past on his name to his father and then him.”

“And his father past a watch to him and now he felt pressure like he should do something as well.”

“All in all we decided to get a ring within his budget cut from the same kind of stone as his mother’s and start the tradition from us.”

“I agreed that any kind of small item his father past on to him we could pass to our kids (watch, clothes, etc) because I don’t dislike his father.”

“And who he is as a father/grandfather is NOT who he is as a husband so those traditions are more than welcomed.”

“He apologized because he thought that I was saying ‘I don’t want the ring because that means you will cheat on me.'”

“And from there felt he should just leave the situation.”

“We talked things out and that’s where we stand right now.”

“New ring, new tradition, his dad’s items can be past down for a tradition also!”

Well OP, sounds like you have it all under control.

But Reddit was with you just in case.

Good luck on the future!